Like salt, sugar comes in various forms. My favorite form of sugar for several food uses [I will not be discussing non-culinary uses such as totally screwing up someones car by putting sugar into a gas tank] is Sugar in the Raw or Turbinado. This sugar is fine for sweetening coffee, creating a delicious crunchy top for creme brulee… It is also tasty on celery, broccolli, e. coli and salmonilla.
You should try Sugar in the Raw or turbinado sugar, it will expand your horizons and your waistline.
Richard Simmons, being a brilliant think tank all in one man, being able to personally contribute to the weight loss of more people throughout more decades than the originator of any eating disorder, said the following brilliant quote last night: “New Orleans is the Venice, Italy of the world.” [cite]
Brilliant. There’s no other word for it.
My buddy Trint asked, “Oh good grief. When is Richard Simmons going to die?” And that’s when it hit me: he’s not going to. He’s the first Raelian clone. He will forever be dancing to the oldies, even when they’re the oldies of Brian Wilson, 50 Cent and Coldplay. Indy bands that are yet to be signed to major labels or have their tracks given away on iTunes will be danced to before this man stops being cloned. Bipeds will be talking about the ancient instruments called ‘Guitars’ and he’ll be slapping people in airports, dealing meals and swooshing his afro about as he kicks, spins and clones himself into oblivian. Richard Simmons is a clone.
I, however, am avoiding being cloned. What? With my zany sense of humor, crazy/obscure jokes and off the wall one liners I’d probably throw the universe out of alignment and we’d all go crashing into the sun. Then we’d really be sweating to the oldies 😉
thanks to Robin for turning me on to the Richy Simmy quote.
In yet another dumb report a study shows fast food restaurants cluster near schools. I could have told you that simply by driving anywhere near a school in any town between Denver and Sacramento California (I’m choosing that direction to avoid driving through Kansas). There is not a lot of mystery behind this decision. I present the following [invalid] syllogism:
1) Cafeteria food is horrible
2) Teens have spending money [from selling drugs]
Therefore McDonalds wants in on part of the [drug] money action and builds restaurants near the schools.
I would always walk home for lunch, but I lived 2 blocks from the school. Plus I could then get away from the insanity of the cliques simply be having my friends come over and have fun with me.
No, this post was not inspired by my sister-in-law’s blog about her trips to China. Instead it is about our neighbor’s cats who have been making our house, their home. I’m allergic to cats and so dont’ find myself drawn to them, even cute little kitty cats don’t hold an attraction for me. Abby’s birthday party this past weekend generated a lot of trash – which I dutifully bagged into large trash bags so as to facilitate my job of moving trash to the curb, and our trash men’s job of moving it from my curb into never-never land where all garbage goes.
This morning (20 minutes ago) I went out to move the trash to the curb but Alas! the cats had ripped into my garbage and had a hey day with it! So I spent some time picking up after the cats and getting most of the things that needed to be disposed of to the curb. Next time I hear one of those cats making sounds liek they’re in heat I’m going to find them and… let Abby pet them – she’s brutal on cats.
I have run into various parents that for whatever reason do not want to know what gender their baby is going to be. This is a really, really odd thing for me and something I don’t understand. Therefore, I’ve put a lot of thought into what may be the motivation for this decision. Unfortunately, since I’m a bit of a nut-job and because I have an over-active imagination I’ve come up with the following set of thoughts:
You are going to find out what gender your child is at some point in time, aren’t you? What is the problem with finding out 6 or 4 or 2 months early? If you’re not going to find out, why not hire a nurse, nanny and child care staff and then you could have the baby, ask the nurse to cover the baby up before you see the ‘lower’ part of the baby and then you’d still not know. Further, you could only see the child for non-diaper changing or bathroom related times. To help stave off any actual gender related concerns you could name the child Terry, Leslie, Kerry or Pat. Furthermore you could attempt to limit your child’s exposure to anything gender related as a whole and therefore call yourself and your parental partner parent unit one and parent unit two.
Then, of course, one day you will not that several things may happen:
Shaving, buying of feminine products, voice changes and of course the real gender identifyer hygeine products in general. It is my opinion that if it is a boy these products may not go up in demand until maybe 16 or 17 as most boys don’t figure out bathing until they realize girls care about that sort of thing. But I digress…
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not finding out until the baby is born – that’s something that each parent (set) needs to figure out – but we wanted to find out so we could start buying tampons early, I figure there’s gonna be a major price increase on those some day, just like oil, and we’ll have a major stockpile.
OK, so we’re out of Cheez-Its. This is not insurmountable because I can easily shred some cheese onto graham crackers and throw them into our toaster oven. It doesn’t quite taste the same but sometimes you just have to make due. I find that cheesy cinnamon graham crackers are tasty, but not quite as good as other forms of biscuits with cheese. Abby finally had to get a knife out and hold me up for the last of the Goldfish crackers. It’s getting pretty bad… I think I need help.
If I could only find a way to just stop snorting the powder from the bottom of the Cheez-It bag I think I’d be OK. The worst problem with this is that it coagulates in my nasal passage and I find myself coughing up ‘cheezburgers’ every once in a while. I think I can stop if I could just switch over to rye-krisps or wasa bread. I hear that other cracker-heads have been able to get off of crackers all together and just form habits with safer substances like french bread, ice berg lettuce or sunflower seeds. Its mostly the habit of putting the crackers in my mouth and getting the crunch sensation so I’m pretty sure that if I find another source of crunch I’ll be off Scott Peterson Free. Wait, no, he’s not free. Dang, these glutenous goodies are going to do me in.
I have found the cure to one of the world’s largest problems! But first let me explain that simethicone is not like silicone. I don’t suggest that people looking to enhance their bossoms ask about getting simethicone implants. That would be, um, counter productive. However, some guys and gals deal with gas. Lots of it. Larger than normal amounts of gas. It can be embarrasing. So instead of getting products like the Flat-D that merely remove the odor of gas why don’t doctors do simethicone implants?
The doctor could go in with a minor surgery, insert a simethicone implant into the gastrointestinal tract and voila! Not as much gas. I’m sure they’ll be all the rage. Some men may suddenly find that women don’t flee when they enter the room. Women will want their husbands to get this so that they may sleep in the same room again. I swear this is going to be a medical breakthrough 😉
So this morning I got up bright and early. This of course was due to something that wakes me up that starts with the letter ‘A’ but is not an Alarm Clock. Abby came in between 5:70 and 6:10. I think that’s what time it was because I sure as heck didn’t want to get up. But I got up eventually and we went out and watered the plants. Well, I set her to watering the plants while I trimmed the rose bushes. That’s a good plan, right? Having your two year old spraying the plants, house, sidewalk, windows, ants and anything else near her with water? What on earth could be wrong with shotting pressurized water at delicate petals at point blank range?
So I clipped the shrubs picked some weeds and generally made a P. Allen Smith of myself. Of course P. Allen Smith’s flowers are in better shape and he probably knows exactly whats wrong with his roses when they get spots on them, but for me, I’m ignorant and I’m going to have to ask someone who knows. Then, after I had finished clipping I actually watered the rest of the plants. The plants that were starting to wilt in sheer jealousy because Abby had started flooding the sidewalk while their dirt was dry. The plants that have frankly amazed me with their durability since they’re still alive at our house. Yes, those plants got watered. Tough luck for the plants in the back yard, but I’ll get to do them tomorrow.
I’m off to the dentist this morning. I hope that they don’t find any cavities. That is unless I have cavities, and in that case, I hope they find them. But, as I was saying, I hope there are none in my teeth. I brush my teeth once a month whether they need it or not and I floss every time the dentist/hygenist does it. What more could I need?
As this headline points out: Actor Pitt admitted to hospital. Holy Cow! Can you imagine they actually let actors into hospitals for things other than rehab? This is huge news and we all need to get ready to send Brad cards, flowers, and Billy Bob Thornton should send him various pieces of Angelina Jolie’s wardrobe that he’s still hanging onto.
What will we do with sick actors? They will have to take days off from visiting their villas, filming their multi-million dollar movies and generally playing up the hedonistic lifestyle that we imagine they have. Those doctors better hurry up and fix him. Stat!