Category Archives: Funny

Goofy, off-the-wall or silly things I might find or think.

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

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I finished installing the sound dampening accessories on our new dishwasher tonight. I had waited on the off chance of leaks from the new installation. No leaks meant silencers were to be installed. This washer is quiet now. The air gap which prevents backflow contamination is now louder when it’s draining than the washer is when it’s running.

I am going to say this: if you have a washer without a backflow prevention mechanism such as an air gap: get one. I can think of no other cheap installation that could be better for your home repair money. I could have possibly saved my old dishwasher from replacement had I known about the air gap. Installation took all of 20 minutes because I’m slow and wanted to triple check the connections.

So far I’m thrilled.

Also, I fixed a broken closet door tonight. Tip: don’t cut corners with “repairs”. The previous owner of this house did and I’m having to make up for it in dishwashers and wood and time :). Not that I mind. After hours in front of a computer screen physical labor is refreshing.

International Super Model Disaster Averted

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In case you didn’t know it British singer Seal and German Super Model wife Heidi Klum announced before the November election that they would leave the United States if McCain won [source].  Because if there’s anything that sways American voters it is the threat of foreign celebrities leaving the country [they do have two children who are US citizens].  When you can charge as much as these two do for shows, appearances, and modeling I think its pretty safe to say that they could live in Mexico, fly to work every day, and still not panic about their finances.

I’m grateful that Senator Obama is now President Elect Obama because its rather clear that Senator McCain’s impact on world entertainment would have been devastating.  It’s nice to know that Obama has the Seal of aproval from at least one super model.

Cats are for Sissies

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We don’t have a cat.  I’m allergic to cats.  However, my sister-in-law has a dog.  It is a Cocka-poo, which is a hybrid/mixed-breed and it pretty much looks like a poodle.  I’d post pictures, but he’s got black hair (not fur) and I haven’t gotten a great photo yet.  He brought a dead mouse into the kitchen and dropped it on the floor this evening for us.  We don’t need cats, we have a dog.

I’m going to go throw up now, thanks.

Plane Yogurt

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This last Thursday I found myself getting ready to take off on a flight when I overheard the flight attendant telling another passenger about their TV service.  She said, “For only $5.00 you can watch cable TV the whole flight.”

Cable TV.  Ha!  That’s a long cable.

Ligers, They’re GRRRRReat!

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I have gotten more comments in the last month on my post from ages ago on Ligers than I have on any other post.  Its the equivalent of having someone dig on your grandma: she’s old, just let her be.  Plus, in my case, she’s married, so that’s double yucky.  Anyway, its special being the source for liger misinformation.  And, Um, Dave?  You really ticked people off.  Congratulations on getting people to leave a swearing comment (which I deleted) and telling you where to go and what to do with yourself when you get there.  I just wish that Ligers weren’t a man-made creature that has been dorked with and manipulated.  Because if they were natural, then I could justify loving them for who they are.  Right now I have to just have sympathy for their being pawns.  Also, white tigers are manipulated and that makes me sad, too.

Lat-eral Damage

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My latissimi dorsi are hugely sore.  I have been playing Wii Boxing for the last three nights.  Parts of my body that don’t understand exercise are being exercised by a video game system that I didn’t even know could work me out.  Its the bomb.

Or in the words of Switchfoot, “This is the bomb that I’ve been waiting for.”  I’m very, very glad to be sore.  I need to exercise this sad frame and turn it into a fighting machine for my 31st birthday next month.

Build-a-boyfriend

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Context: at a build-a-bear with three teenaged girls for my daughters birthday.

Teenager builds a bear for her boyfriend and then declares that the bear is just like her boyfriend.

So I say, “He sounds nice, supportive, and comforting.”

“My boyfriend?,” she asks.
“No, your bear. I would never assume those qualities of a teenage boy.”

Dear NBC Olympic Editors

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Hi, its me, Randy, I just wanted to drop you a line to say, “We don’t need any more Volleyball coverage,” and also, “Can you edit the BMX video down to more BMX and less announcer garbage?”  Thanks.  Because I love global athletic events as much as the next bipod, but I really, really don’t like the 5 minute commercial breaks and the 1.5 minute BMX races wrapped in 5 minutes of announcers with diarrhea of the mouth.

We don’t need to hear the announcers saying things like, “They really can’t afford mistakes like this in an event of this caliber.”  Really?  I had no idea.  I thought that the Olympics were like kindergarden for the X-Games.  I thought that the athletes would be scored by how many wounds they could get from crashing, falling, slipping, and gashing their heads on diving boards.  Its a good thing the announcer is there to help my make up for the brain cells I’m losing from watching all of those 5 minute long commercial breaks.

One last thing: Michael Phelps is an amazing athlete and I respect him a lot.  But I don’t need to see replays of his wins as the start and finish of every viewing session.  I leave you with the immortal words of Merlin Mann:

NBC’s stirring piano score makes this montage of memories from 10 days of watching TV recaps of time-delayed sports highlights VERY moving.