St. Partakes Day

Abby just asked,”What is St. Patrick’s day?”

Me: An excuse to start drinking after Mardi Gras.

Abby: blank stair.

Jessica: “The Catholics like to do that to their holidays.”

Stuck at Stink

I remember in high school there were always people I would overhear saying things like, “Kevin S. Is a good kisser,” or, “Brad is a bad kisser.” Do you recall such discussions? I was just thinking how absolutely lame those discussions were. Can you imagine actually thinking that those people were going to be stuck with the kissing prowess of a sixteen year old?

Do you think the people in the school hallways that said those things will go back to the spouses of the horrific or awesome kissers and engage in an analytical discussion of developmental make-out existentialism? Yeah, you’re right, they probably will.

FOAF: Moving

A friend of mine was telling me a story about her daughter and how she was reading a story about George Washington.  Apparently there was a picture of the Boston Tea Party.  The girl looked at the picture of the men dressed as natives with crates and said, “Look, mom!  Is that the Indians moving?”

I don’t think U-Haul was around then, and did they have ships if so?

Missed the Toilet

If you want to see why some journalists don’t get their work to print, such as Newsweek, look no farther than the short-sighted work of Dan Lyons here.  You would think that the change of having the last Mac World Expo speaker be Phil Schiller would be OK, and not expected to be the second coming of Steve when the first Steve was gone.  Nope.  It is as if the rest of 2009 does not exist and that Apple is waiting until 2010 to tell us anything more about what they’re working on or releasing.  Just because the Expo keynote didn’t involve some new gadget or some new computer that is mind blowing doesn’t mean that it was bad, it means that people who go to a trade show for one event are probably going to be disappointed.

Apple’s last days are not going to be 2009 or 2010.  They’re not out.  Instead they have made it clear that they’re going to announce products on their own timeline and not right after Christmas so that employees are whiped out during the holidays.  Imagine that: niceness to employees.  Dan Lyons is probably a nice guy to some of the people in the world, but this is not his proudest moment and I hope that he learned from this web only publication that actual journalism is not speculation and taking a one-off event and reading into the bones of the carcass of the event.

I hope that Apple invites Dan to their next press event and Dan eats his toupee because he realizes that he’s been horribly mistaken.  I can write drivel like that because this is a blog and not the public facing website of some new source.  He’s supposed to be a journalist while I’m a snarky non-journalist.  Two different things, but he’s making them look similar.  What a sad day Dan had.

My Wife Laughs At My Beard

Yesterday I noted to Jessica, “My beard is really growing in full now.”  I did this because it has taken it over ten years to get to the state that it is in: almost, kinda, sorta full.  She just smiled and brought up the need I had to exercise.  It’s good to be married to a woman who can artfully redirect the conversation so as to help me not feel bad for having the facial hair growing capacity of a hairless chihuahua.

As for needing to exercise I try to exercise every day, but she’s usually playing We Cheer these days while the kids are down, so it makes it hard to break in and get some time on the treadmill and watch a show at the same time.  [do you like how I artfully deflected that with an excuse?]

Dude, There Are Geeks on the Internet

Creative Commons: The Eggplant - http://flickr.com/photos/eggplant/4491902/

Creative Commons: The Eggplant - http://flickr.com/photos/eggplant/4491902/

In case you didn’t notice, there’s a place called Wikipedia.  They have an outrageously large amount of data and apparently a good chunk of it is relatively accurate.  Take for example the entry on Pi.  That would be a reference to the mathematical constant.  If you wanted to, you could follow the links on that page to other references such as the Greek letter.  There is far more information about Pi on that page than any encyclopedia editor would allow.  That’s because an encyclopedia is about terse, rich data.  Wikipedia is about excessive information because its storage, retrieval and modification is so cheap that limiting the data is probably more work than just tacking on more information as its available.

Lets put this in perspective: the cost of printing any book could run into the millions upon millions of dollars depending on all of the people involved.  The cost of putting together a web page is non-zero, but its microscopic in comparison.  If web publishing were more expensive there would be far fewer ‘get rich quick’ sites.  Lets get back to Pi.  Apparently people have memorized thousands of the decimal fractions of Pi.  Most encyclopedia entries just don’t care about this data, but Wikipedia has further information and a line chart showing the rise in numbers memorized by an individual over time.  I have 2: 3.14.  That’s 200% more than I currently need due to the absence of circular math (so far) in my job.  I have to figure out many other formulas and algorithms, but Pi is distinctly absent from my daily, weekly, monthly or yearly math needs.

In case your encyclopedia is feeling small, just remind it that Wikipedia also has entries on such interesting topics as international Pi day (a day to celebrate Pi).  I think I would celebrate by eating pizza and pecan Pi.  There appears to be some discrepancy about what other days might be celebrated along with Pi because of rounding.  I’m not making that up.  Geeks, trivialogists, dataheads, nerds, and specialists all pile in more data so that if Wikipedia is missing something important you can go to Google, Yahoo!, Microsoft Live, Ask.com or any number of other search engines to get even more information.

Sadly, there is a space on the internet called ‘the deep web’ [of course you should see the wikipedia article] which does not know the love of the search engines.  It is a place that is undocumented, hidden, secret and fully of kitty porn [to my mother: that link goes to a humor site and is not naughty].  It is a place where people are trying to get to, apparently, because I have seen articles on how to find information on the deep web.  Here’s some irony for your wrinkled brow: if its unsearched, unindexed, and unknown you’re going to have a hard time using traditional methods to get to it.  Never fear!  There is the power of human search.  Mahalo, Twitter, Digg and the like all use humans to traverse the Interwebs and post links.  You may wonder why I mention Twitter, but the answer is simple: if you go to twitter, create an account, and then get enough followers that people all over the world at any moment could be reading your tweets: people all over the world will read your tweets and possibly reply.  Its human powdered search.  That which was untraceable is now so easy to find that even disreputable presidents who are mocked for not speaking in complete sentences could hammer out a 140 character or less question and get links back from the 14 people who follow them.

So, in short, which this isn’t, the Internets have lots of great content.  There’s the Internet, Web 2.0, and the latest news I have is that CSS3 is coming, and then we’ll probably start seeing early betas of Web 3.0 in 2009.  If web 3.0 gets too slowed down there is a good chance that the economic stimulation checks, bailouts, and IPO’s will help move things along.  And worst case scenario we’ll all be able to eat our free Pi from Wikipedia.  Of course you’d wipe your mouth with your pi tie.

Remnants

I have been driving Abby to school this week.  Evie has come along for the ride.  There have been geese in a field on the way to school but this morning they were gone.  I asked Evie if she could see any geese.  She could not, but she did tell me,  “I can smell the poop of the geese.”

12 Steps for Food TV Addicts

  1. Admit you are powerless over your Food TV addiction
  2. Believe that a power greater than Alton, Emeril, Paula and Rachel exists, and can restore your sanity
  3. Make the dish, I mean decision, to turn all authority over to God
  4. Make a fearless search of your pantry shelf self, morally
  5. Admitted to God and others, but not including Tyler Ramsey, the exact nature of yourself
  6. Be ready for God to remove the defects of your chiffon character
  7. Humbly ask God to remove your shortcakes shortcomings, and maybe break your TV remote on the Discovery channel.  Mythbusters is safer than Good Eats.
  8. Make a grocery list of all the people we harmed, maybe bake them an apology cake
  9. Apologize to them, include gift cake, also bring celebratory home made ice cream, unless they’re diabetic
  10. Continue to make ingredient inventory, and when you are wrong or unsure, buy extra
  11. Pray for God’s will in your kitchen and television, and all other areas of your life
  12. We try to carry this message across the internet to other addicts by digging it, stumbling it, or otherwise twittering it