In this, the tenth episode of the Pordcast, you’ll learn why some people shouldn’t emulate their parents, and why some parents shouldn’t tell their children and the whole Internet about what they did as children.
Let me be the first to say, “Abby, do as I say, not as I did.”
File size: a little under 4 MB
Length: Near 8 minutes
Content: Randy Peterman talking about the crazy side of parenting
No intro music, no outro music… just talk like some AM radio stations.
The other night on Iron Chef, the show where Americans dub over Japanese chefs cooking things that most Americans are afraid to eat, they made Birds Nest Soup. I thought it was just some strange name for a noodle type dish. Wrong! It was actually swallows nests in the soup. Color me WASP but that just wouldn’t go into my mouth.
Yes, I’m probably closing myself off from a world of tasty and delicious treats, but I just can’t imagine taking swallow saliva, broth and other basic ingredients and calling it soup. Skip the nest, I’ll take the rest.
Dan Klass of The Bitterest Pill podcast noted the death of the comedian Freddy Soto. I had never heard of Freddy Soto before but the video clips on his site cracked me up [note: I’m not responsible for it and you’ll want to have discernment…]. One of which involved the phrase ‘Eh, Regardless.’ You’ll have to watch the clip to understand.
I said it in front of Abby and she repeated it over and over on the airplane until Jessica and I were nearly crazy. It’s funny now, but on the ‘plane I wanted to get her to stop.
In fact, ‘Regardless’ became the anti-word for my sister-in-law, Kelsey’s ‘Seriously.’ Every time she said seriously we would retort with regardless. In fact by the end of the week we would have a banter of something like:
Kelsey: …Seriously.
John: Stop.
Me: Regardless.
John: I’m not even kidding.
Yes, that’s slightly bizaare, but that’s what you’ve come to expect on this here blog. Seriously.
My friends in Texas made a shirt that is hilarious. I may just have to buy one:
I’d Rather Be Phishing.
No, I’m not quoting the incredibly stupid Nelly song (though the next time you hear it, try imagining it being sung karaoke style by someone with an Indian accent, you will laugh milk out your nose). It was only 91 today. However, the heat index said that it felt like 103. And it did. It was hot. Sure, it could be hotter in other places but it was nice to be outside and then to go grab some Ritter’s Frozen Custard.
When I get back I’m going to listen to the lessons I’ve missed at church and then I’m going to write about them: Ephesians 5. Good stuff on Marriage I understand.
I just scared some poor 4th and 6th graders who were over at my in-laws place. I love doing that for some reason. They’re not sure how to handle a guy spouting quasi-intellectual phrases wearing a shirt that says,
Ha! Now You Can’t See Me!”
Good times.
I have found the cure to one of the world’s largest problems! But first let me explain that simethicone is not like silicone. I don’t suggest that people looking to enhance their bossoms ask about getting simethicone implants. That would be, um, counter productive. However, some guys and gals deal with gas. Lots of it. Larger than normal amounts of gas. It can be embarrasing. So instead of getting products like the Flat-D that merely remove the odor of gas why don’t doctors do simethicone implants?
The doctor could go in with a minor surgery, insert a simethicone implant into the gastrointestinal tract and voila! Not as much gas. I’m sure they’ll be all the rage. Some men may suddenly find that women don’t flee when they enter the room. Women will want their husbands to get this so that they may sleep in the same room again. I swear this is going to be a medical breakthrough 😉
Ironically I’ve been working on a calendar project at work and my schedule is about to get funky. That is to say we’re heading to Indiana tomorrow night and I’ll be away from home until the 30th. This means that I won’t be working (as much – I’ll probably keep checking my work email to keep catastrophe at bay), I’ll be playing and that Indiana better watch out because there will be three and a half Petermans [Petermen?] coming to wreak havoc on what was once a peaceful civilization. Much like the conquistadores we bring horses [read: My Little Ponies], disease [read: an allergy to corn] and strange foreign tradition [read: I have a gas grill and my father-in-law uses charcoal]. However, we’ll have a good time and it is possible that if we have Chinese food my father-in-law and I will [lightly and humorously] argue over how to pronounce “General Tso’s Chicken” Apparently the Chinese built the railroad in the West but never made it to Indiana to integrate with the Indy culture there 😉
Most people were introduced to Ligers by the odd movie Napoleon Dynomite in which Napoleon is drawing a freaky creature that is nothing like the real thing. There are real ligers, and as proof, I present to you a link to this picture. My brother-in-law, Kurt, sent me a few pictures, but they were so sad in size I had to find others. However, there was one that was just hilarious:
You’ll note that there tiger has lost most of its stripes to the lion genes, and that Zena the warrior princess is playing second hand lion in the middle. The man on the left has simply lost his brain and you can see the surgical scars on his still shaven head. And what is Nicholas Cage doing with a baby bottle for a liger?
If you send mail in the United States make sure that you race, run or crawl on all fours to buy these Muppet stamps.
They come out in September on the 28th.
This evening we were in a Super Target about 5 miles away from our house and I had a really weird experience. Actually, two of them.
First, we were passing a stuffed, talking Care Bear that was a fit’n’fun [or some other name] bear. It actually sang, “Let’s get physical.” What?! I don’t want my nearly three year old daughter walking around my house, our church building, or anywhere singing, “Let’s get physical.” Olivia Newton-John is not on my top ten list of favorite artists either. Does she get royalties for those bears?
Secondly, there were a few bikes for sale at the Super Target that were not locked up. Therefore several young boys took it upon themselves to ride up and down the aisles quickly on the said bicycles. I told them to stop, but they didn’t listen. Then, one of the boys who was chasing the other boy who was riding the bike with a shopping cart finally listened to me saying, “Please stop doing that, it’s not safe.” He found the other boy and said [in the indelible words of Dave Barry, “I am not making this up.”], “The old man over there told us to stop.” I am 27 and will be 28 towards the end of September, but I am not old! I refuse to accept this age discrimination as acceptable behaviour for the youth of America.
Let’s get physical and whip these young lads into shape.
