If you’re like me… Wait, I start with that too often.

If you like root beer… No, everyone pretty much likes root beer.

If you hate drinking corn syrup in sodas because you know that its going to give you diabetes… No, that’s not right either.

I enjoy a new, to me, brand of Root Beer called Boylan’s Natural Root Beer. It doesn’t have corn syrup as a sweater sweetener so I can actually drink it. Corn Syrup as you know has been linked to obesity, higher risk of diabetes and smaller pinky toes on the rear right feet of some laboratory rats*. The root beer’s flavor is pretty good but I have noted that the acidity of my own body effects the flavor – in other words if you’ve been living on coffee for the last two months like I have it won’t taste quite as good as if you’ve just been eating pixy sticks and licking your walls in an insane asylum.

<aside>
Speaking of which, do they have sane asylums? “Sir, this man is perfectly fine, we must get hims safely to the sane asylum before the whacko’s get to him!”
</aside>

This root beer is particularly good with Breyer’s Natural Vanilla Ice Cream (also without rat foot shrinking corn syrup) in what is affectionately known as a “root beer float.” Much like the floats in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade root beer floats are a tradition, gather throngs of people, and are really rather boring if you watch them for hours. However, root beer floats are not meant to be watched, they’re to be drunk and chunks of ice cream spooned out of them. Now before anyone gets out of line and says something naughty, I don’t think that root beer can get you drunk. However, it can get you on a sugar high much like licking wallpaper and eating pixy sticks.

So I’ve written far too much satirical nonsense in this for you to seriously be thinking, “Thelma, fire up the ole’ Jalopy, we’re headin’ into town to buys us some carn s’rup free beer and wallpaper!” However, I do recommend that you look for this fine beverage in a store near you because it tastes good, is less likely to give you diabetes and it is more likely to get you on the stand of the latest Michael Jackson trial.

“Your Honor, the defense would like to ask this man what we was doing at Boy Land.”
“It’s not Boy Land! I simply was suggesting that people try Boylan’s root beer!”

Oh, and if you want the opinion of a Root Beer junky he thinks it’s just OK. However, I like it but am curious to try their other sodas given their high reviews on that previous link.

* It should be noted that this is only a guess and I cannot prove one little thing about lab rats toes. I haven’t even seen a rat toe since the last time I was at Razzoo’s. That is all.