That’s Rent as in rip or tear. I was astonished this evening as I walked past our TV and heard a news caster actually say the words, “The Cardinal talked about the popes life and death…” while referring to the ceremony performed before the burial of the late Pope John-Paul-Ringo-George II. If you were going to a eulegy and upon arrival the miniser, cardinal, judge, spokesperson or general eulegizer-person spoke about their morning, how the local sports teams were doing and pretty much avoided talking about the dead person you would either think you were on a hidden camera show or you would be really surprised. Not this news gal, accurate news dictates that you state the overly obvious to make sure that those who have overactive imaginations (myself) weren’t confused and thinking that the thousands of attendees of the funeral and those watching on closed circuit television and the millions watching by braile were not being treated to a David Copperfield performance instead of the eulogy. What gives?

I’d like to also extend my imagination to the following area: If I was watching the news and the weatherman said, “The snow outside is cold.” I would probably change the channel. If I were watching the news and the sports guy said, “And Kobe Bryant nailed that one…” I’d have to wonder if he was referring to the recent trial or a b-ball game… and then change the channel. If I were watching the news and some poor sap was out, man-on-the-street style, interviewing folks about their opinion on the latest scandal in [pick pretty much any area of life] and he asked them, “Do you think that [said scandal] is wrong?” I would probably change the channel. I would not change the channel if they covered things like the local music scene, actual issues that are facing the community and how FedEx-Kinko’s is a really stupid name for a company. I would watch the news if it was worth watching. However, it is not. It is worth avoiding and just using news.google.com to see the latest highlights. If you want real news, you’ve got to make it yourself.

With that in mind I’m announcing my candidacy for the Vice President of the United States of Whatever America in the election of 2021. By then I figure I’ll have learned how to clearly communicate about important issues like political strategery, I’ll have learned how to clearly not stand strong on any issues, and most importantly I’ll have learned how to apply my toupee in such a way that it won’t flap in the wind when I have to appear outside for brief moments of PR. I don’t want to appear ‘homey’ [not homie] like Kerry did with Jonathan Edwards, I want to appear daring, bold and slightly untrustworthy so that when people see me next to the completely untrustworthy candidates I’m running against, I’ll be the lesser of two evils.

So, who’s with me? Who else wants to run for joint-vice-presidency? I don’t think one person can take that job on, but 4 or 5 may. We could be the Peterman-Smith-Jones-Wilson-Thomas vice-presidency party. We could stand for peace, truth, the American way, as well as the pledge of allegiance, which will have been severely re-written due to major law suits brought on by the ACLU, NRA and NOW. By then we may have a Bi-Camel legislation body if we can take over Iraq’s government cleanly. The other thing is that if we can run in 2021 we’ll be the only choice because everyone else will be running in 2020! We’ll totally kick bottom.