The Toothbrushing Story

So, if you happen to notice that I happen to get chided by several relatives in California about oral health care (particularly tooth brushing) then you’re undoubtedly curious as to why this it.  Actually, you probably could give a rip.  I’m going to explain it anyway.  Nobody is holding you in front of the screen showing you this, so you can stop reading now if graphic description of tooth decay, tooth brushing, or OCD behaviors upset you.

Who: Me

When: 1991-ish

Where: Philo, CA

What: Tooth brushing insanity

Why: There’s this story.

About the time I estimated above I was in California for a long summer stay at my grandparent’s and aunt and uncle’s place.  There was this odd feeling on one of my teeth that I was sure was the cavity of all cavities.  It sat there on the top of one of my molars calling out to me that I was a moron and didn’t brush enough.  My tongue would brush it over and over again in a nervous tick that wanted to see if it had gone away over night while sleep fixed my tooth.  Why does sleep fix teeth?  It doesn’t, but I was hopeful.

There was a long, thin crack running across the top of the molar that might as well have been the grand canyon in miniature.  My parents were going to be ticked because of the $5,000 in dental work this crack was going to cost them.  So to help prevent other multi-billion dollar molar repairs I began brushing.  Regularly.  For 5 minutes or so.  Several times a day.  Between meals.  Between my teeth.  Flossing irregularly compared to brushing but obsessing on the massive gap, wider than David Letterman’s front tooth gap, in my rear right molar.  I was prepared for some motorcycling stuntman to want to jump the massive span.  Must brush.

And so for weeks I brushed my teeth with a religious zealotry that could only be matched by fervent televangelists who just needed a few more million dollars to complete that mansion that “god wanted them to have.”  I was pretty sure God wanted me to have my teeth.  So I brushed them more.  All while being in California with my relatives.

A while later I went to the dentist with GREAT fear.  Worried that the cavity was going to be much worse than my estimated $5,000.00.  The hygienist looked at my teeth, cleaned them, made me swish fluoride around in my mouth – and then went to get the dentist.  I had an empty stomach, but had I not I think that my Jr. High bowels would have evacuated with fear of the impending doom.  Bring on the judge and jury to sentence my mouth to needles, Novocain, and numbness.

Alas, I had a plastic composite that had been used as a temporary stop-gap because I had a low spot in my molar.  By a dentist some time before.  It had warn out and was just ready to be replaced.  I had no cavity.  Zero dollars in repairs.

I didn’t brush my teeth for a week.

Just kidding, I brush my teeth daily whether they need it or not.

Birthday Songs

I have written a few birthday songs for my co-workers over the last couple years (OK, over 30, starting with this one).  They’re not great songs in the grand scheme of things, but they’re songs, and they’re for my co-workers.  The one thing that I have heard over & over is that people are just glad for the songs because nobody’s every written them a song.  This sits with me kinda funny because as a song writer some of my earliest songs were for people.  One of the first ones was for my ex-sister-in-law (before she was my sister-in-law, and well before she was my ex-sister-in-law).  She was having a down time and so I wrote her a song.  I’ve written songs for lots of folks, most of which have never been played in public, I haven’t even shared them with the people I wrote them for in most cases.

What I want to know from you is this: when someone writes you a letter, by hand, stamps it, mails it, and sends you a message, is it personally more significant than an email, even if it isn’t different in content?  Is it like a song where it strikes you as personal and powerful compared to a simpler happy birthday wish?

Why Your Love Language Doesn’t Matter

Have you ever found something so revolutionary that it changed the way you did things? In my life I have found a number of things that made my head spin, my world clearer, or my world bigger. In the late 90’s one such idea came from a book that really got me churning that was called “The Five Love Languages.” It seemed to make relationships between a husband and wife simpler and easier to grasp than the odd complexity I had developed prior to reading it.  It made me want to explore love with my bride-to-be.  The problem with such concepts as the five love languages is that people hear them, learn them, or come into contact with them and them get set off in the wrong direction because they don’t understand them as merely principles.

If you’re not familiar with the five love languages let me give you this simple list of the five:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

The gist of the book is that each person has a primary way that they perceive  and express love with their spouse.  Furthermore each spouse is strongly encouraged to explore their partner’s love language and keep that in mind when expressing love for him or her.  I spent quite a bit of time liking the idea of focusing on exploring my bride’s love language and even figured out that this could be used, in a modified way, with my friends to express care for them.  Ta-da!  So did the book’s authors and other books in the series of love languages and their application were born and money was had through conferences, tests, merchandising and copyright infringement lawsuits from unlicensed tattoos [I made that last one up].  This is psychology stuff, so I’m sure that someone also discovered a sixth, seventh and eighth love language and has been trying to write papers proving the adequacy of those numbers of love languages for thesis papers and making a good practice out of helping marriages and relationships discover their tertiary love language.

Here’s the rub: this is overly complex despite the simplicity and it gets used as a poor excuse for husbands and wives to not love one another.  At least not to their fullest.  I want to explain that moving forward from here I’m going to be focused on a few Bible verses that I think make the five love languages childs play, and probably unnecessary.  The first place we should take a look is Ephesians 5:22-27:

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.

What I see as I meditate on the above passage is something beyond the five love languages and something that should drive a wife absolutely coo-coo-bananas in love with her husband.  A self-sacrificing husband.  A guy who takes the five love languages in, sees their inadequacy, and says, “I’m going to love you in a million ways, and these five are merely a tiny, tiny tip of the iceberg.”  I recently saw on Twitter a guy who said that he was sorry to his wife (publicly on Twitter?) that his primary love language was acts of service.  Lameness.  If her love language is knitting pot holders it doesn’t matter.  If his language was bringing stray cats home to be fed, bathed, and neutered it doesn’t matter.  Sacrificial love trumps all of the given concepts of love languages because it looks for opportunities to love in every aspect, every place, and it is not strapped to a single, primary concept of perceived or expressed love.

As a secondary point against not stopping with this love language concept is that one of the joys of my marriage with my wife has been exploring each of the facets of expression of love and trying to see how they can be expressed in deeper, more meaningful ways.  Just as humans mature (or at least should mature) we look for ways to express love in a sacrificial, yet exploratory way.  To make a food analogy just because I like vanilla ice cream doesn’t mean I don’t explore toppings, other flavors and other combinations within the world of ice cream (or frozen desserts).  The same analogy applied to music means I don’t stop at the Beatles just because I like rock and roll quartets.  Bring on trios [Cream], duos [Simon & Garfunkel], classical, dance, beat boxing, and opera*.

I’ve discovered that my wife pretty much likes all five love languages [in different quantities at different times] because she knows that they’re expressing love to her.  I would probably not be wrong in saying that 99.999% of guys love physical touch [which often gets interpreted as physical intimacy, and for the sake of argument I’m going there now], but if let us face the facts: not all gals are wired for 24/7 physical touching and there may come a time when they’re bleeding, PMS-ing, medically unavailable, or holding a kitchen knife.  It might be a good time, Mr. physical touch, to explore the finer nuances of quality time, words of affirmation, gifts [read: chocolate], or acupressure to relieve headaches.  Sacrificially speaking get a grip, turn off your hormones for a moment and love your wife some other way so she doesn’t feel the need to lock herself in the bathroom, wear chain armor, or buy a slice-wire-bikini from Victoria’s Secret Weapon.

I want to close by saying I don’t hate the general principles behind the five love languages.  They were a good starting point for me and helped me grasp why I might be miss-communicating with my bride-to-be.  They’re not an excuse to be short sighted, justify weaknesses, or get in a rut.  Make it a point to look for ways to create a richer, more complex relationship with your spouse by abandoning your love language and loving with your exploratory, revolutionary hats on.

*Stay away from country music which is an infectious disease [Just kidding (Not really)]

Busy, But Good

I sure am glad you’re reading this.  There are some interesting things coming up:

1) Who scheduled the holidays this close to now?  I didn’t sign up for this speed of year progression

2) The girls are just cuter than ever, but their attitudes and age are showing.  I blame anyone else but me.

3) The wall project moved a tiny bit forward this weekend despite the approximately 5 hours I’ve put into it in the last 2 weeks.  I’ve got a lot of plaster/joint compound work left.  This week I’m going to try to get a little time in

4) I’m scheduled to be in our church’s Christmas play instead of just playing music along with it.  Yeah, Mr. Actor-Pantz.  Everything you know is wrong.

5) Seriously, when you come to Denver, go eat at Dozen’s.

My Bride Now Homeschools the Now 4 Year Old

Jessica is presently in the other room schooling the 4 year old. How did the girl turn 4?! Blows my mind. Anyway, she’s being schooled on greater than and less than and I think she’s got the concept down. It tends to really register once you put the lessons in candy form. Fortunately its autumn and the season calls for candy.

Next month I hope we can teach her pie charts with real pecan pie.

Things I’ve Been/Done for Longer Than I’ve Been Married

This last Saturday the 3rd of October Jessica and I celebrated our 11th anniversary.  I’ll be honest: there are very, very few things that I’ve done for 11 years.

  • I went to school for more than 11 years.
  • I Lived in Carson City, Nevada for more than 11 years
  • I  have been a Christian for more than 11 years
  • I have generally had some form of (nasty or better) facial hair for more than 11 years
  • I have played the Piano, Drums, Bass and Guitar for more than 11 years
  • I have been able to ride a bike for more than 11 years
  • I have now been able to drink alcoholic beverages for more than 11 years (by 8 days before our wedding)

Other things I have done for a long time, but not quite 11 years:

  • Work for Alt-N Technologies: 9 years
  • Lived in the Denver metro: 5 years
  • Had Abby as my daughter: 7 years
  • Had Evie as my daughter: almost 4 years

Its been a good, amazing, trying, growing, awesome, shocking, changing, unplanned, over-planned, under-planned, more estrogen than testosterone, prayerful, blessed 11 years.  And I can’t wait for whatever the future holds besides my bride.

Nine Years Ago

Nine years ago today I gingerly approached the door to Alt-N at about 8:45 AM. I had gotten there early. I was nervous because I knew one person there and I didn’t want to have a very, very awkward first day at a new job. Silly me: I bring awkwardness and awkward humor with me wherever I go 🙂 My boss, Jerry, opened the door and let me into the building. I don’t remember exactly what went down the first day, but it was the first day of an amazing journey that isn’t over yet.

I’m proud to say that I was hired on to help with documentation – I was to work under Mike, the documentation department’s only staff.  I think that I would have learned a lot under Mike’s tutelage and hopefully I would have become a master writer, documentation expert and been able to create documentation you’d want to use.  Except that only a few weeks in after digging into the RelayFax help file I was tasked with a side project to help manage changes to the new company website.  And as that went well I was asked to help work on another project – WorldClient Pro.  This was an application that could be installed on a computer that would allow you to access your email, contacts, calendar events and tasks all in one place over the Internet.  Of course, it wasn’t documentation.  It was actually a very cool evolution of my development skills because my prior HTML and very, very basic JavaScript skills were challenged and I had to learn.  But I liked learning.

Every task that was put before me that required learning meant I was studying and sharpening my skills at home.  It cut into homework time for seminary.  It cut into time for lots of things.  But I loved it.  I ate it up.  It became a driving passion: if the web can be used to show and input data then I want to make that web a better, more powerful place that does things that people have never thought of before.  For Alt-N I have learned Perl, Java (Thanks, Tony Nuzzi!), C++ (Thanks, Craig K., Jon, and Matt for hours of help), ASP (VBScript – Thanks, Dave O’Hara for walking through this with me), C# and even a tiny bit of Windows Scripting Host.  In the process I also learned PHP and how to use MySQL, SQLite and SQL databases. If I were to list all who helped or became my friends-in-code along the way this would be a crazy, crazy long post.  A task unto itself.

I have been challenged, stretched, bruised (and that’s a good thing), frustrated, built up, loved and trusted.  I’ve gotten to make friends from all over the world due to our sales channel/partners with the company.  I’ve traveled internationally twice.  I’ve been supported through two miscarriages and two beautiful daughters.  I have stories that I can share, stories I shouldn’t share, and stories that are too long to tell here.  I suppose that’s normal, but the events have always come with lessons.

Starting my tenth year with the company is an honor.  I hope to see the challenges we face today turned into monuments of success tomorrow, I want to see my friends at the company succeed and push awesome new features into email so that a world that thinks its ordinary can learn that it doesn’t have to be.

I’m not ginger about going to the front door of the office any more (even if it is ~1,000 miles away).  Jerry’s face is one that I look forward to seeing instead of being nervous.  Mike still does documentation alone since I was called out of his department just shy of 9 years ago.  I have a million more things I want to learn.  And I’m grateful for the opportunities I have before me.  This series of posts which was supposed to be more complete just didn’t fit into my busy schedule, but I’m glad to have that busy schedule, too.  Its usually a sign that I’m alive.  And working.

Three Years Ago

Three Years Ago I was working on SecurityGateway and WorldClient – two web based, mail focused applications. MDaemon 9 was coming out soon with some good performance enhancements. I was becoming a speed-freak for the Internet. The Evie girl was almost one and Abby was just turning 4. Good golly times were changing.

The Long Road Trip Part II: Driving Can Be Frustrating

This blog post is the second of four parts. The first part covered the preparation for the trip and the drive to Carson City, NV as well as the short stay in NV. This second part includes the drive from Carson City to Berkeley, CA, San Fransisco, Santa Rosa, Philo, and Ukiah, CA for the weekend of my cousin’s wedding and the several days after that. The third post will contain the trip from Philo, CA to Newport, OR, Seaside, OR and then to Kalama, WA. The fourth post will contain information about the stay in Kalama with my in-laws and the drive home to Aurora, CO.

One of the major reasons for this road trip was to attend my cousin’s wedding. My cousin Kim and I grew up spending more time together in the summers when I would go visit my grandparents property in Northern California. Juxtaposed next to their property was another piece of property that my dad had built a house on, but then following the incomplete house building my uncle took over the project and so my cousin Kim was also there playing, participating in Vacation Bible School, and generally being a good girl cousin. Turns out girl cousins don’t stay girl cousins and eventually turn into women. Women who get married to men.

After arriving in Carson City, Nevada and staying a day there we needed to continue heading west to make it to the wedding in Santa Rosa, California on Sunday. Instead of trying to drive upwards of 7 hours to get to Santa Rosa the day of the wedding we drove up the Saturday before by way of Berkeley and San Fransisco, California. We had two reasons to take this longer, waterier route: Sean Franzen and the Exploratorium. My friend Sean has been my friend since fourth grade when we were in a community play together. Once getting into college we went our separate ways but we’ve stayed off and on in contact and I was thrilled to get to introduce him to Evie and let Abby see him as a non-infant 🙂 It was generally good to just see him and be able to chat, give him a hug or two and spend time with a friend who has often been a great encouragement. Sean picked up Pizza at a place in Berkeley called the Cheese Board. It’s vegetarian, it’s only one flavor per day, and there’s always a line. It was delicious pizza and I hope to sample some of their other flavors/varieties in the future. After he picked up the pizza Sean directed us to meet him down the street at a park where we ate some, laughed some, walked some, and generally enjoyed some fellowship. Sean is married but his wife was unable to make it due to some prior arrangements. I’m hoping in the future we’ll be able to meet and enjoy more pizza and time together.

From Berkeley we headed to San Fransisco where we intended to go to the Exploratorium. Its a great place to go and have fun as its a large children’s museum. Not as big as Indianapolis’ children’s museum, but still fun and well funded. The problem was getting onto the bay bridge which had to have been one of the more frustrating parts of the drive (thus the title of this post). We sat in a long line of cars trying to get through a handful of booths to pay the toll. We sat for about 30 minutes. I understand that’s not a long time compared to some places or days, but for a guy who works in his basement with a 0 minute commute, it feels long. We then went to the Exploratorium where the girls had some fun, and the adults did, too.

After leaving the Exploratorium we headed across the Golden Gate Bridge and drove north to Santa Rosa to my Uncle Jim and Aunt Jane’s house. We stayed with them for two nights and got to catch up on various things. My cousin Greg, was in town from college to it was good to catch up with him. He is a football player and so his size was a bit daunting for our little girls 🙂 Evie snuggled up to my uncle Jim and warmed up to him immediately. That was super cute, but I’m missing pictures of it, sorry.

Sunday was one of the primary reasons we were in California: my cousin Kim’s wedding. She and Jorge, her husband (now) were married at a golf course in Santa Rosa and the wedding was beautiful. Great pictures were a breeze to take (thought a little bleached out in a few instances because the beating sun really can whiten that which is not white, but is reflective). It was good to catch up with various folks there, too. I have created a set on flickr.com.

Monday we headed even further north to Philo, California. My grandparents and my Uncle Eric and Aunt Wilette (and cousins Hannah and Heidi) live there. I grew up spending summers and holidays on the farm there (and for a few years I lived on the farm as a young kid). I wanted my two daughters to get to visit the place – and frankly it was there that I knew I loved Jessica and I wanted to marry her. Yeah, I’m a sap like that 🙂

We had a great evening party there and I got to grill some food for about 45 people as well as so many others contributing some brilliant Hawaiian/Asian cuisine and American food. Oh, and Booneville/Anderson Valley beer. The day was hot, but the fun was hotter. Lots of food, fun, songs, family and friends.

Tuesday was a different day, as posted before, we went to Ukiah’s Adventist Hospital Emergency Room. It was quiet and not very busy. It was the place where we found out Jessica had had a missed miscarriage. You can read about Tuesday on the miscarriage post. That night, despite having had an intense day, I tried to help Abby, Evie, Hannah and Heidi build a tree fort. Due to old wood, rusty nails and a pretty low amount of drive we didn’t really build it. We had a good time chatting with various folks into the late night, but eventually I had to go to bed because early the next morning we would head up the Pacific coast into Oregon and hit Newport late into the foggy, coastal evening.
Hard to Focus on the Road