Category Archives: Funny

Goofy, off-the-wall or silly things I might find or think.

Compost

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At our local mega-giant-club-store-where-you-buy-in-quantities-that-would-feed-third-world-countries they had a compost bin for a price I couldn’t pass up.  I bought the bin because I hate throwing away so much food.  We throw out so much stuff wrapped in plastic trash bags that could be recycled that I’m embarrased to be involved in the process.  So along with recycling glass, plastic, paper and metal products I’m also recycling some of our food waste.  That food will go into the compost bin, get eaten up by bacteria, and according to the line drawing that came with the instructions, will come out as small lines of garden goodness.

We’ll till the compost into our dirt and then our dirt will be happy.  Happy dirt for happy worms that will be eaten by happy birds.  I’m hoping the happy birds will then drop happy bird droppings on our car instead of the sad or solum droppings that they now drop periodically.  Because that would make me happy.   Not as happy as, say, not having the droppings hit my car at all, but better than sad droppings.  That’s why you should compost, too.

What environmentally friendly/fiendly things do you participate in?  Not “earth day” which is just a joke, but real things that you feel emotionally involved in like driving a Hummer or a Prius?

Squaredance

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There is nothing like country music and line dancing to make you wish you married your sister.  Or if you don’t have a sister, maybe you wish you lost a dog or something.

Squaredancing on the other hand makes you wish that you had coordination enough to dance more sophisticated dances like you see people doing in theater productions.  Don’t get me wrong, squaredancing is fun because its easy, but after evaluating my ability to play simon says where every call is something simon said, I’m ready to take on dancing with the average Joe.  Its like reality TV only its reality.  I have relatives who went to school for dance, I have even more relatives who ballroom dance, but its just not in me.  When I have danced ‘improvised dance’ I think that some people present were ready to call 911 to make sure that the ambulance was hurrying because the convulsions were getting worse.

This last Saturday our church had a dance – but it was a square dance.  Various members of the congregation stayed home because they had some sense, but we wanted our girls to be able to have fun.  And fun they did have [<- that sentence was so Yoda, I don’t know where it came from].  And we as adults had fun.  It was the first time I’d danced with my wife in public since we got married.  8.5 years of not knowing that the easiest way for me to dance with Jessica was to take up square dancing.

I think next year I need to wear suspenders.

You Can Buy ANYTHING on eBay

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I have written in the past about eBay and man breasts. Today I think that I found out about eBay and breasts of all sorts. While reading a blog (that to my knowledge does not write about nude breasts every day) I saw this advertisement and just had to snap a shot:

a naughty advertisement

I never thought that you could buy those sorts of things online – I thought it took a plastic surgeon or a pixel surgeon.

American Idol’s Star of the Night?

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Tonight’s super-star was a girl who couldn’t have been more than 11 or 12 years old. She cried during several of the performances. How do I know? Because when she was crying the camera crew was on her. She got more attention than the artists when she turned on the water works.

Congratulations Ashley (Ryan Seacrest asked her name) for rocking America with your tears of joy. It was truly like the British invasion video footage I have seen of teen girls crying over the Beatles.

Bigotry at the Bowling Alley

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I wanted to point out that the below image [click to view in a larger size] is a sign of bigotry:

Bigotry at the Bowling Alley

Tell me you didn’t love that double entendre.  This blonde, British baby is clearly not allowed to stick its hand into the ball return.  This sort of discrimination makes me sad.  Why can’t the blonde, mullet wearing babies of Britain stick their hands into the ball return?  This must stop.  I demand answers.

I have one last thing to say: Frank Thomas. [Psst.  That’s an inside joke with someone who probably doesn’t even read this blog]

I’m Not Cleaning That Shelf

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Today at the deli, where I almost didn’t buy my deli meat I overheard an employee going over a health inspection sheet that apparently stated that some areas of the deli be cleaned by next inspection.  This is good, I’m not concerned that they needed to work on some areas because that is just normal for businesses.  I was, however, concerned that the lady was then broadcasting that she was not going to be cleaning that shelf!  “You have to actually move stuff on that shelf, you can’t just wipe around things,” she said.

I think I’ll be shopping at another ‘super’ market.  That’s just not super, and its not marketable.  [lies start here] I can get away with not washing my feet because I’d have to actually bend down to wash them, but I don’t believe any health inspectors will be evaluating how clean they are for preparing food on [lies end hear].

2% Milk

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Jessica went to Starbucks today and ordered some tea.  After asking the gal which teas they had that would not curdle the milk and having the gal tell her that all teas caused milk to curdle (which is simply not true), Jessica talked her into putting milk in with some sort of tea choice.

Jessica asked, “Can I have two percent milk, please?”

The gal looked at Jessica and said, “I usually put in half milk, half water.”

I wish I was making this up.