Aloe

Yesterday at Lowes we picked up an aloe plant.  How cool are these plants?  Somehow the plant got a part of one of the ‘leaves’ broken off and the capsules inside werer full of the alue juices that I grew up wiping (with disgust) on my arm for sun burns.  Plantlife just amazes me.  Maybe I’m a bit of a bat botanist, or maybe I’m just a weirdo, but having plants give us fruits, vegetables, medicine and beauty is sometimes overwhelming for my little brain.

The upside of having an aloe plant will be that I can look at the spiney arms regularly.  The downside is that I kill most of the plants I’m in charge of.

Analog Tevelisions are Now Going Away

According to a reliable source Digital TVs are now the only variety that are allowed to be imported into the US. That’s right: analog, the beauty that brought us the 1984 Olympics and I Love Lucy – is going away. We’ve been discussing remodeling our downstairs area (with the $20.00 budget we have) and one of the blockers has been that we’ll want to get something flat screened, and HD. But it looks like Congress is going to help us out this time and force us, and the rest of the United States to switch to HD/Digital for 2009. Get ready: 0b1010011010 [that’s a 666 in binary as a joke – I kill me]

Close Shave Part II

Having just loved using the shaving oil, shaving cream, badger brush and after-shaver lotion from ‘The Art of Shaving’ that I mentioned around Valentines day I went into the store again tonight and bought a safety razor. I couldn’t help it. I have been enjoying shaving 7 days a week (on average) for the last month and just had to go to the next level. I’m a junky. I even bought shaving soap (and a cup) last weekend to see how that differed from the shaving cream.

My New Safety Razor
My New Safety Razor

I’m Not Cleaning That Shelf

Today at the deli, where I almost didn’t buy my deli meat I overheard an employee going over a health inspection sheet that apparently stated that some areas of the deli be cleaned by next inspection.  This is good, I’m not concerned that they needed to work on some areas because that is just normal for businesses.  I was, however, concerned that the lady was then broadcasting that she was not going to be cleaning that shelf!  “You have to actually move stuff on that shelf, you can’t just wipe around things,” she said.

I think I’ll be shopping at another ‘super’ market.  That’s just not super, and its not marketable.  [lies start here] I can get away with not washing my feet because I’d have to actually bend down to wash them, but I don’t believe any health inspectors will be evaluating how clean they are for preparing food on [lies end hear].

2% Milk

Jessica went to Starbucks today and ordered some tea.  After asking the gal which teas they had that would not curdle the milk and having the gal tell her that all teas caused milk to curdle (which is simply not true), Jessica talked her into putting milk in with some sort of tea choice.

Jessica asked, “Can I have two percent milk, please?”

The gal looked at Jessica and said, “I usually put in half milk, half water.”

I wish I was making this up.

My Clever Wife

Jessica is clever.  She’s got it in for a contestant on American Idol.  She can’t stand the Sanjaya fellow.  He’s Hawaiian, which would normally be a plus, but he’s like the Hawaiian version of Michael Jackson, which is a major minus.  Wait, he’s not like Michael Jackson in the dancing department, he’s like Michael Jackson in the weirdness department.  He doesn’t even sing as well as Micheal Jackson (the 12 year old Michael Jackson, not the one who is in the media now periodically for doing strange things like converting to Islam, touching little boys in naughty ways, and of course having almost as much plastic surgery as the now gone Anna Nicole Smith [whose body was probably no where near deteriorating at the time of her burial]).  Sanjaya just gets Jessica’s dander up, and she’s allergic to dander.

So Jessica’s scheme is to call in next week from our phones and vote for the second stinkiest performer (probably that Phil guy) who is male.  15 votes for Phil is 15 votes that can’t go to Sanjaya.  Of course once Jessica votes Sanjaya off of the island, she’ll be after Phil.  And Phil – you don’t want her after you like that, I’ve seen her game face and she’ll take you out.

Oh, and I predict here and now that Melinda will take the American Idol competition no matter how good Chris Sligh is.

Gilmore Girls

Jessica told me this evening that Gilmore Girls is being cancelled.  If you don’t know who or what Gilmore Girls is… you’re lucky.  Its one of the weirdest television shows since the X-Files.  But instead of being freaky they go for quirky comedy but end up coming across as a combination of having the flu and Groundhog’s Day (the movie) combined.  Each episode is exactly the same.  Sure, the ‘plot’ changes, or at least re-orders the events a little, but each episode is about a mom and a daughter who are both ADD/ADHD and who have the emotional stability of a woman in labor.  I take that back.  Women in labor are more stable than these two gals.  To top it of there are men [MEN!] on the show who are also emotionally unstable.  The upshot is that the humor on the show (I’m not making this up, they actually consider it humor) is entirely non-sequiturs.  Entirely.  Completely.  Fully.  Monotonously.  Here I will attempt to give you a script (pulled out of my scary imagination) that represents this show:

Scene: Inside of the house the mother is on the phone with the daughter.

Mom: “Rory, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a kabillion times I’m fine.”

Daughter: “Mom, I’ve lived with you since I was in your womb, I know when you’re not fine.” [to be said with a straight face because its not a non-sequitur]

Mom: “Rory, it was my womb, and you still owe me rent.”

Daughter: “I didn’t have any money at the time, but I think I can sell pictures of myself like that Barba gal from American Idol…”

[End Scene before I throw up in my mouth]

Its not good writing, and the acting is dry, but not funny dry like the Brit-coms.

Good-bye Gilmore Girls.  I hope all of the ‘actors’ find other ‘roles’ that ‘suit’ them but are not type-cast as mannequins.

Interweb Outage

I have not been online so much since last Friday at noon because the fine people at Qwest decided that helping customers with their connection needs to be delegated to people in foreign countries with no actual technical skills other than being able to read scripts off of computer screens.   I have pictures of the kids to post, a short story to tell… but since I’m at our friends, the Doyle’s house, I’m going to be moving along to the rest of my actual work duties.