Dear Teachers Around the Globe,

Please stop having sex with your students.  Seriously.  I’m tired of reading the headlines only to discover that this week no less than [editor: insert the exact number here] teachers had sexual/lewd/non-educational extra-carricular  activity with students. There is no gain in these women having an adulterous affair (at least those whom are married), the students engaging in sexual relations with people often significantly older than them, and for goodness sakes: those students will be ostrich-sized at school [SIC]!

I don’t know what holes are in your moral fabric, but if you find that your moral fabric was purchased at Victoria’s Secret and you’re having a hard time keeping your body a secret from the students… get a job at the IRS, you’ll be much less tempted there and you’ll be further away from students!

That is all.