I have been able to be buoyant in the water for some time. But when I ‘swim’ it usually involves way more splashing than is necessary. In fact, I wish that I was only wet while in the shower so that I could not embarass myself with my, “Holy Cow! That man must be drowning!” approach to swimming. I’m not drowning, really. I’m just moving through the water with the gracefullness of a cow being eaten by piranas.

However, tomorrow I’ll be starting swimming lessons. My goal, and I’m not making this up, is to be able to swim in the pool and not get noticed. I also hope to get some cow-print speedos. OK, I’m lying about the speedos.