Category Archives: Word Play

Odd words, phrases and jargon from about the world and web

Slight Site Tweak

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For the few of you that read this blog within a browser and not through RSS, I’ve made a small number of changes that should hopefully help you.

  • I’ve set the categories to indent so that its easier to find categories that are of the sub nature
  • I’ve added a small blog-roll. I’ve got more sites that I track, but these come recommended for general readership (more will be added over time)
  • I’ve removed the archives. I have archives dating back to about the time that Cortez was sailing around looking for West Indians to kill with disease, swords and social networks.

A lesser known fact is that the Pordcast has moved to https://randypeterman.com/thepordcast/. Since its not active at the moment that’s not a huge loss. I do plan to resurrect it in the next few months with a new series on finances. Something that I know far too little about but plan on exploring and sharing with you what I find. As long as its not West Indians with socialized medicine and a penchant for corn roasted over bat guano.

A New Story Wherein Randy Smells Like Burning Wood for Days

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So about two (2) weeks ago I saw an episode of Good Eats called ‘Q’.  It was about smoking pork butt (which is actually the pig’s shoulder).  I lost site of any other Fathers Day Weekend (FDW) goals and determined to burn wood at such a slow rate that no flames were detectable, yet smoke would emit from the wood and make the meat and everything within a 15 mile radius smell of smoke.  It worked.  Too well.  The smoked pork with an espresso barbecue sauce was finger-licking-good (without the geriatric chicken guy), but everything still smells smokey.  I was at church, rubbed my nose and “poof!” smoke smell on my skin, in my nostrils and causing me to want to try smoking meat again in the middle of the street with a space suit on.  Then the smokiness of the meat would be less smoked Randy and more smoked flavor on the meat when we bring it in from the smoker.

Good meats 🙂

Pirates

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Today while procuring halibut (which is an expensive piece of meat for tasting so mediocre sometimes – there are good & bad bits, but being on the ocean sure is better than fresh-frozen/fancy Halibut) I noticed that a gal behind me had painted on a mustache.  She was also wearing pirate clothing.  Everything inside of me came alive with this strange desire to riff on the weirdness.  I overheard her saying that she had just gotten done seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 3.  No matter how much I like a movie I just can’t get into the costumed theme myself.  The closest that I ever got was showing up the Back to the Future II in regular street clothes and Michael J. Fox was wearing similar clothing on the silver screen when he was in the ‘present.’  Of course there was that time I dressed up as a baby when Star Wars came out.  People thought I looked like Yoda because my cloth diapers were similar to his short little get-up.

Blue Shirts II

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Today at Best Buy the emplyee at the checkstand didn’t like my question.   I had two memory chips in two different packages.  I asked why the previously opened chip package was four dollars more than the unopened package.  He was confused as to why I would wonder why that was.  It was simply that way.  It felt a bit stone age-like.  We’ll call the employee, whose name was I think Christopher, Thag.  Thag must have just gotten off of his smoke break wherein he was smoking large sequoia trees and checking out Olgatha who was in charge of stocking the store.  Her Cheetah-skin outfit was freshly tanned.  After I figured out he wasn’t going to help me get the opened chip for a discounted price I just bought the new chip.  As I swiped the credit card through the card reader he said, “The upside is that you can get the new chip cheaper than the used chip.”

Yeah, that’s not an upside, that’s a problem.

Stuffed Crocs

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Abby and Evie joined us in bed this morning for a ‘family snuggle’ time.  Abby jumped off the bed and out of the room to get stuffed animals.  Evie, being the little sister wanted to get her own.  Abby came in with two stuffed critters, a piggy and some other thing I didn’t get to see before Evie came in.

Evie brought a croc.  No, not that kind, think the shoe.

A Pair of Crocs

I Must Speak the Wrong Dialect

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Today on my lunch break I put Evie in bed and got her settled.  She was asleep, I came out to the kitchen and hugged Abby who had been instructed to go to the bathroom and then Jessica would tuck her in (Jessica has lunch tucking in duties for Abby and I have night time tucking in duties).  Abby screamed all the way down the hallway about making sure mommy was tucking her in.  I told her sternly, “Be quiet, your sister is supposed to be sleeping!”  I was making sure that I wasn’t also really loud and therefore proving myself an idiot.  No progress, she continued to be loud and slam things around the bathroom as she went to the bathroom and washed her hands.

Toilet sounds, stool unfolding and being slammed in front of the counter, water on at full blast to make the most noise, and lastly the loudest hand wiping you have ever heard.

I swear I must be speaking adult-ese, which is a slightly different dialect of English that her little mind cannot fathom.

Because I’m Insensitive Like That

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So today I had the privelege of leading the church service. I went through the announcements and prayer requests in the bulletin and then asked if anyone had any other prayer requests. One of the gentlemen said, “Bud [lastname withheld to protect the innocent].” Which made me ask Bud, who was sitting in another pew, what was going on. He replied, “They think I’m too skinny.”

So I said, “You’re going for the super model look, eh? You’re going to be on America’s Next Top Senior Model?”

Yes, I was on a microphone amplified throughout the building. Apparently I am missing that part of the brain that hinders my mouth from spouting out humor at the expense of the elderly.

**Oh, and for the record: Bud has a good sense of humor and thought it was funny.**

Crying Myself in Circles

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This morning we went to the zoo to have some family time and to get out of the house.  At the zoo there is a carousel.  Upon installing Abby upon a black panther (the feline mammal and not the ethnically oriented militant, political group as you might have suspected) I noticed how big she was getting.  She’s not my little baby girl any more, she’s turning into a girl, soon to be followed by teenage girl and so forth.  I said to Abby, “You sure are getting big.”

Abby replied, “I sure am going to miss you when I get married, dad.”  I began holding back as many tears as I could in the manliest fashion possible.

Dear Teachers

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Dear Teachers Around the Globe,

Please stop having sex with your students.  Seriously.  I’m tired of reading the headlines only to discover that this week no less than [editor: insert the exact number here] teachers had sexual/lewd/non-educational extra-carricular  activity with students. There is no gain in these women having an adulterous affair (at least those whom are married), the students engaging in sexual relations with people often significantly older than them, and for goodness sakes: those students will be ostrich-sized at school [SIC]!

I don’t know what holes are in your moral fabric, but if you find that your moral fabric was purchased at Victoria’s Secret and you’re having a hard time keeping your body a secret from the students… get a job at the IRS, you’ll be much less tempted there and you’ll be further away from students!

That is all.