Tonight we saw Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I recently finished the book so the original story line was relatively fresh in my mind. There are lots of parts in the book that caused me to chuckle as well as interesting philosophical bits. Don’t worry, most of what was philosophical in the book does not come out in the movie. Most reviews I read before going to see the movie said the same thing. Therefore, if you have read the book, have seen the movie and still thought the movie was great, you’re in the minority.

Jessica and I both agreed that it was heavy on British influence and short on the sort of humor that was in the book. This is mostly because the book is written in a narrative fashion and the movie is given to you in third person form, but without most of the narrative bits that caused the funny parts to be really funny in the book. I suppose the closest way to describe it is the difference between reading a Far Side comic on Sunday morning and having someone try to describe a Far Side you’ve not seen (shame on you for not seeing every Far Side). It is possible for you to understand a part of the comic, but often you have to see the original to ‘get it.’ Don’t Panic.

Mos Def is a rather humorous fellow and he cracked me up in various bits I’ve seen him in in the past. However, in this movie he plays a white bread, bland character. I think I’d compare this to having had really good root beer and then someone offers you some of that good root beer, but when it arrives you discover it’s been sitting out all night: it’s flat and doesn’t have a fraction of the flavor. Don’t Panic.

OK, that’s enough of the analogies that you don’t need. I just had to put that in there because frankly, this movie shows up like a car with… wait… I’m not going to finish that [its pink flamingos missing]. The book has so many non-sequiter type jokes, asides, strange pointers to things in a different light and blatant abuses of normal ‘earthly logic’ that you have to laugh or at least be surprised by the creativity. The movie is short on that creativity. Don’t Panic.

I’d like to say that the flying that Arthur does in the books is a fun, welcome adventure that they chose to ignore while making this movie. For goodness sake: “Fly, you fools [a line from the Lord of the Ring’s movie “Fellowship of the Ring”, Gandolf says it before falling into the abyss].” I think that instead of the whale and petunias falling I’d have chosen to put in some of the other bits in the book. I also would have cut out John Malcovich. He’s not funny (in this movie, or frankly any other movie I’ve seen him in), his character adds nothing to the movie, and his addition to the plot line makes for not much. In fact, the one thing he’s supposed to add (coordinates to a planet) puts a major contradiction into the movie: if the improbability drive cannot be controlled (and its destination not set) as is said early in the movie then having the coordinates that John M. provides will do no good. Start Worrying.

That’s enough picking the movie apart. There’s a few funny parts that caused us to laugh and at one point in the movie all of the people in the theater were laughing except for the girl in the back who’s face and lips were busy being awefully close to the face and lips of her boyfriend… and his laughter at that point put her quite out. I didn’t know what to do with the juicer on Zaphod’s head for a good portion of the film… I guess the lemons were reflective of the movie as a whole. Panic.

On a scale between zero and 3 teaspoons I would say this movie was about a one teaspoon for humor:
Half a teaspoon for acting

And 1/3 teaspoon for plotz-line

The “Don’t see this or you’ll nearly die” warning is nowhere near the low of “Ballistic: Eks Verses Sever“, but is closer to Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson in “I Spy.” You’ll survive, but I don’t recommend the Vogon Poetry. Run for the Hills.

If you’re looking for a more positive review, check out this one.