Category Archives: News

Things, Goings On, and Stuff I write

Illegal Information That Should Not Be Posted to the Internet

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Illegal information such as my sister’s recipe for peppermint marshmallows.  I don’t know where she keeps it stashed, but just like the Colonel’s chicken recipe it should be locked up and forever banned from being published.  Unless of course the military made it in large batches and delivered it to the middle east.  I’m pretty sure it would take care of most of the problems there because people would be stuffing their faces with peppermint marshmallows instead of planning taliban terrorist things.

They’re great, but I think you just need to register with the state if you carry them on your person.  And maybe you need a prescription to acquire them.  Thanks, Becky 🙂

The Collective Buttocks of the Music Industry Have Spoken

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In what can only be described as either insane or completely normal for insane people the Major music labels of America, AKA:” The people who would sue your grandma if they found out she had MP3’s on her computer – even if she didn’t know how they got on there,” are suing the Russian MP3 sharing site AllOfMP3.com for 1.65 trillion dollars. In case that sounds like a lot of money, you’d be wrong. Because in Russian Rubles it would be 43.378995 trillion rubles. OK, that’s the same amount of a lot of money.

Yearly music sales for the major labels is only $40 billion worldwide or roughly one fortieth of the sought reimbursement. Granted that the attorneys in this case, if their pipe dreams come true, will get a large chunk of that. So maybe a handful of attorneys join the world’s wealthiest billionaires, displacing Bill Gates as most hated human being because everyone else is jealous, or maybe this silly site is going to disappear, the Russians will not pay a ruble, and the RIAA will go about suing grandmas, teenagers, and complaining that music sales keep dropping because of the Internet. Surely no one could possibly be buying less music because they don’t want another Britney Spears album, they never wanted a Paris Hilton album, and they also did not want another new album for the asking price of $18.00 a disc. Oh, and nobody even whispered in dark rooms or in back alleys that they wanted a Kevin Federline album.

I of course keep knocking out number one hits like there’s no tomorrow. Like this.

Sin City or Salt Lake?

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Today while passing through the airport in Denver we were presented with a conundrum. And when someone presents me with such a thing I like to ponder it. The conundrum was do we try to smuggle ourselves onto the plane destined for Salt Lake City? The wholesome town of meandering Mormons? Or instead do we get on the plane that our tickets tell us about, and go to Las Vegas? The not so wholesome town that was actually settled by Mormons 🙂 Kinda hard to believe that such a reclusive bunch of religious folk would be taken over by the mob, and then eventually Hollywood studios and tycoons.

Today while walking through the mirage I noticed an intersting detail: no coins were in use. The quietness in the casino was distracting. I suppose that by moving all of the transactions to being digital they can reduce minor leaks presented by ethically challenged employees. To fix the problem of no coins they have speakers that make ‘tinking’ sounds as if coins were falling into the empy coin catchers below the ‘slot’ machines. Except that metal has been welded over the slot. So instead its a bill or house player card machine. Weird.

Of course the best part of Las Vegas so far was the sight of my co-worker holding an alcoholic beverage at 11:00 in the morning. But since he’s from Texas it was like 1:00 which is a totally reasonable time to go drinking 🙂 We’re hoping to have a good time here trying to do all of the G-rated things we can come up with. The Mirage has some dolphines and a small wild animal collection. Caesar’s next door has a very large shopping ‘forum’, and the sidewalks are littered with pictures of mostly naked women on baseball card-like ‘tracts’ that immigrants hand out on the sidewalk to attract men (and sometimes women) to go to topless bars or brothels. To me it seems like they should make soup at brothels. Vegetable brothels, chicken brothels, and of course beef brothels should produce corresponding broths that are sold at the super-markets.

However, I doubt that we’ll get such delectibles out of such sinful houses of ill repute. And even if we did, they’d have to be closely monitored for STD’s. I guess we’ll just stick with animals, shopping, and eating about every two hours at yet another fantastic restaurant.

Since my internet connection costs money here this will be my last post until Sunday night or later. Have a good weekend!

The Most Fruitfullest Day in a While

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I had a very fruitful Sunday.  We skipped church, which is abnormal, but Abby wasn’t well on Saturday and Jessica and I decided laying low was best for her, and I had no commitments.  I’m relatively sure I’m not going to hell for it, but its not a practice I intend to make a habit of for other reasons 🙂  But I accomplished a whole lot: I fixed an electrical outlet that’s been broken since we moved in, I hung Christmas lights on the front gutter.  I purchased a Christmas tree, mounted it on the stand, which we later decorated.  I also fixed my gas grill which had had an obstruction in the gas tube.  Abby and I snuck out and spread Christmas cheer while we bought Jessica a Christmas present or three.  I bought the presents, Abby said Merry Christmas to nearly every passer-by.  Only a few people actually said ‘Merry Christmas’ back to her.  I think I did other things, too, but I can’t remember.  It was a busy day, but I’m stoked to have gotten so much done.  I know that working on a honey-do list doesn’t sound like fun, but checking things off on that list feels really, really good.

A Sight I Wish I Had Not Seen

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Note: This is a bit somber.  The events described within this post really got me thinking. 

Tonight on the way to the chiropractors, to continue my treatment for an automobile accident in June, I saw another accident.  One auto, and one motorized wheelchair presumably for a quadriplegic or very incapacitated person.  All I saw was the SUV mounted up onto the side of the wheel chair.  There was no one in the wheel chair because the emergency vehicles had taken that person away.  Traffic coming the other direction was almost completely stopped because the emergency vehicles had blocked so much of the road.

My best guess is that the person who was in the motorized wheelchair was going as fast as the motor would carry him across the street as the person who was driving, in the second lane so his vision was blocked by the car next to him (or her), slid into the crosswalk.  I imagine that neither person saw it coming until it was far too late.  I often slide into the crosswalk without thinking about it.

Accidents like that are possibly far worse in my imagination than reality.  However, the driver of that SUV is probably mortified and in an emotional state that only prescription drugs can bring down to a point where rest is possible.  I pray that all involved are somehow miraculously OK.  This holiday season with all of the fun and thankfulness around, please be careful while you drive.  Remember to be thankful for all of your family members.  I am.

I’m thankful for my whole family.  I’m thankful for my friends.  I’m thankful for the readers of this blog.  Please have a thankful and peaceful holiday season.  Be safe.

He Fought the Good Fight

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One of the elders at the church that Jessica and I have attended over the last two and a half years just went home to be with Jesus. Hal has been fighting cancer for some time now and his fight is over. What’s most amazing to me in this last half a year that we’ve known about Hal’s cancer is the number of people Hal has encouraged and witnessed to and offered hope to. You see Hal has taught classes on pain and suffering. Hal has been over God’s word many, many times teaching from it and living out what is in the text. Hal has told multiple stories about offering encouragement to chaplains that were responsible for coming in to cheer him up. Hal knew that what he was going through was not the end, and he knew that the suffering was their for his growth (Romans 8:28). He encouraged doctors to not cry (can you imagine being a doctor who is sad you’re losing a patient and the patient tells you to not worry because he’s excited about seeing his Savior?). Hal knew he was right where he needed to be and that the gospel needed to be shared there in the hospital or with various visitors.
I didn’t get to spend very much time with Hal compared to my dad or one of the other elders, Mike Doyle, but Hal and I had a few good conversations, and shortly before it was discovered that he had cancer he and his wife Lindey invited us over for dinner with the girls. Hal has been in the hospital and on bed rest for much of the last six months and so I really didn’t get a chance to visit with him. However, I kept feeling this deep sense of frustration because I know that there was much that Hal knew that I hadn’t learned yet. I suppose that the many recordings of Hal that we have will be a good source of teaching and I can learn much from what he explained as he exposited the Scriptures.

This evening, as his family prayed around his hospital bed the Lord decided that it was time for Hal to quit the suffering and begin the next part of eternity. I’m sure that the sound of the monitoring equipment alerting them to Hal’s resting heart was a tough, tough thing for them to hear, but I also know that they are relieved that their husband, or dad, or father-in-law is not suffering any more. As a body Holly Hills Bible Church has been very concerned. Some people have known Hal as a friend, a pastor and a mentor for a long, long time. Fortunately you can go online and listen to Hal’s teaching and testimony on the church website: http://www.hollyhillsbiblechurch.org.

Hal loved the Colorado Rockies and would often be seen after a Sunday service wearing a Rockies hat as he and Lindey were heading off to go watch a game. He’s a lot higher than a mile high now.

Germin’

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I just had a moment of temporary concern for myself.  Not my current self, but my old self.  The one that was a little boy.  My concept of that which was dirty was based solely on my eyes.  I couldn’t see the dirt, therefore it didn’t exist.  I was rolling my fingers on my trackball and reminded of the old game Centipede (its a new experience for me to have a trackball, so the Centipede flashbacks happen regularly still).  Centipede in pizza parlors.  Centipede at restaurants.  Centipede that thousands of grubby hands have touched.  And it was at that point in time that I was concerned that maybe as a kid I ingested a plethora of germs that my immune system kindly warded off.

I think I’m going to go wash my hands and then rub down my keyboard and desk with bleach or hydrochloric acid 😉

The Jury Duty That Wasn’t

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I received an invitation to a ‘party’ via the postal service requesting I come.  They even wanted me to RSVP, but threatened I could only declined once, and if I did I’d have to come the next time they invited me – no matter what.  Well, I took the Arapahoe County Jury Duty Computer Selection System up on its invite.  Except that today when I was ready to go I followed some of the instructions they sent me (I actually followed all of them, but some of them were pertinent) and called a phone number.  To my joy the number didn’t get typed in incorrectly so that I’d discover some adult hotline being run by the county.  Instead it told me I didn’t have to come in.  Therefore my civic duties had been completed but I never left my house.  Drat.

The upside is that someone is probably in court without me on their jury.  That’s good because the lawyers don’t like it when the jurors shout out, “All trafic violations should lead to capital punishment!”  Especially when its a small claimes case about shoes that didn’t hold up five minutes out of the store.

Stupid Picture Face Disorder

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There is a problem in our modern culture something that needs to be addressed: Stupid Picture Face Disorder (SPFD). If you’re not sure what I’m talking about I suggest that you take out some sort of picture taking device at the next social function you find yourself at, and you’ll learn what I’m talking about. Someone who looks perfectly normal will begin moving ten times more than they have the rest of the night. Or they might stick their tongues out. or they might make some other goofy face. These are examples of SPFD. This problem is probably bigger than America realizes. Just search Google for Stupid Face. At parties cameras come out and SPFD strikes the degreed astrophysicist so that he looks to have arrived on the short bus.
Imagine, if you will, the groom up at the altar. His bride walks down the aisle, the very picture of beauty and grace. The pastor has them facing him and begins, “Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today to join these two…,” and it is at this moment that the pastor sees that the groom has SPFD due to the wedding photographer and is beggining to stick out his tongue, and it is also at this moment that the pastor involuntarily spits out the word, “Freaks!” instead of the normal, “people.” SPFD can strike anywhere and it needs to be stopped.

Fortunately there are some solutions to SPFD. It should be noted that the usual person strikes into SPFD as a deterrent. You see at some point in time, often in the teenage years, their mothers drag out pictures of them naked at two years of age in front of their girlfriends, or maybe someone takes a picture of them dancing at a party and instead of it looking like the super smooth moves of a brilliant dancer it looks like a poster for seizure awareness. Instead, when cameras come out people should stop doing goofy things like putting carrots in their nose (see exhibit a)

Exhibit a: Carrots

Or maybe sticking their tongues out (see exhibit b)

Exhibit b: tongues out

And definitely not trying to avoid the picture by moving out of the way (see exhibit c)

exhibit c: trying to avoid the picture

Instead people with SPFD should hold still and act normal. That way they can avoid the goofy pictures being pulled out by parents, weird relatives, or displayed on the Internet. Once you’ve seen that you can look normal in a picture, and by normal I don’t mean like the models who are photoshopped to death on magazine covers, you will discover that SPFD can be a thing of the past. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires.