Category Archives: Funny

Goofy, off-the-wall or silly things I might find or think.

Bye-Bye, Baby

So today I sent in my Nikon camera to the factory to be fixed. The speed flash stopped working so I had to send it in for repair. I took it down to my local FedEx-Kinko’s where they’re reportedly going to ship it. I paid extra big money to have it wrapped carefully, shipped in a box 6 times it’s size full of peanuts and carried by ballerinas on their tip-toes. I also paid to have the guy behind the counter breathe as well as talk to other customers. In fact, the whole experience felt like FedEx was billing me for my time in their store. There’s something magical about that extreme form of capitalism called ‘Shipping – Copying – Printing.’ It makes you feel like a useless slave bound to their rules. Therefore, I’m going to start RandyEx where I’ll ship copies of your printings for 3000X profit and become independently wealthy after only 7 weeks on my new diet plan.

I hope my camera comes back OK.

Potty Training Part VIIMILK

Well, today Abby decided to go to the bathroom without any adult assistance. This would be good if she succeeded. She didn’t. Instead she got #2 on the floor, the toilette seat and was sucking on her tube of toothpaste when we found her half naked in the bathroom. Good times. So I helped Jessica clean Abby and the mess up and we got onto the rest of the day which was full of Abby’s intensity and disobedience. However, this evening she went back into the bathroom herself and successfully unloaded with #1. What an amazing surprise 🙂

My Blister is a Mac Blessing

I’m sure the title of this post is odd. However, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the blister on the tip of my index finger from doing funky bass guitar stuff last night (I’m recording ‘Carol of the Bass’, my all bass guitar rendition of ‘Carol of the Bells’) is really handy on the touchpad for the iBook. Sure, it’s annnoying other times but it is the most precise touchpadding I’ve ever done 🙂

Donation for the Horde

I got a nifty spam this morning with a person looking for a ‘donation for the lord.’ It’s basically the same schpiel that televangelists use on television. Check out the funky quotes below:

I am the above name
person from Sierra-Leone

Read: The above name must mean something like: my name will change as my spamming program alters it.

Since his death,
I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which
the Bible is really against.

Read: Where is that passage?

Exodus
14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.

As a Christian sort of fellow: Yeah, that’s a verse for Jews from the Old Testament!

OK, I’ll stop there, but this cracked me up.

Bad Christmas Song

If you stay up later than normal recording music, it might turn out bad. Or the song could just be about being bad. Apologies to Les Claypool for stealing his vocal qualities for the chorus for one of the vocal tracks. It’s rough, but so is the fact I’m going to bed later than usual.

Please, download it, laugh at my sad musicianship, and then pass this MP3 along to the MPAA, RIAA or a CPA and make sure I get sued for using some fellow’s music and lyrics. Or, someone can turn it into a funny flash animation’s sound track and then we’ll both get sued.

Enjoy the song [I’m getting nothing for Christmas].

Why I Have a Business Phone

I have a Business phone because I’m technically a consultant. This means that if you go to my contact us page on the main site you’ll discover that you can call me on my (cell) phone and discuss business (and frankly most other things you might like to discuss). However, I would guess that 30% of the phone calls I get are wrong numbers.

In fact I just got a phone call from a very confused woman looking for a relative. She was looking for a gal who’s name I don’t recall. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Randy Peterman
Her: Hello, is [female name] there?
Me: No, I believe you’ve got the wrong number
Her: Is this [so-and-so’s] house?
Me: No, this is Randy Peterman
Her: Well, can I speak to [so-and-so]?
Me: No, ma’am, I think you’ve got the wrong number, this is a business. You’ve called Randy Peterman Digital Research & Development
Her: Well what happened to [so-and-so]?
Me: I don’t know ma’am, I think you’ve got the wrong number.
Her: I’m sorry, I guess I’ve got the wrong number

Well, at least we both hung up the phone not knowing the correct number she was trying to call, and agreeing that she had the wrong number. It kinda reminded me of this (mp3 file, should be playable on most computers post Windows 3.1 and Mac OS IV).

When Two Year Olds Are Quiet

If you’re a parent, then you’ve experienced the fun of children doing the unexpected (unless of course you have an infant who is imobile). This evening at around 4:55 we discovered that Abby had climbed into the bathtub and managed to empty most of her blueberry shampoo and some of her milky-white-make-you-clean soap into the bathtub and also all over herself. To make matters worse she was clothed. So I had to strip her, removing a wet pull-up, and then get bath water running.

I’ve got video footage from shortly after the discovery of the explorer. It’s in QuickTime format (since Mac’s rule).

Fruity

This morning I gave Abby a bath. Then I put this ‘tutti frutti’ lotion on her. Now I smell fruity. I think I shall have to wear latex gloves to avoid any girly smells so that when I come in contact with people throughout the day they won’t think, “Whoa! Fruit. Is he… a produce manager?”

Hilarious Optimism

NWMLS has pretty optimistic requirements for their users’ web browsers:

This website is best viewed
with Internet Explorer 6.0 or higher.

I think that if you’ve got higher than Internet Explorer 6 then you’re probably higher on crack.