Category Archives: Funny

Goofy, off-the-wall or silly things I might find or think.

Fold Art

No, not Origami, it’s a spoonerism. I’m finding that in my old age I just have a harder time empathyzing with younger teenagers. It could be any combination of things, but I’m going to give you a list of a few:

  • There is a growing age gap
  • There is a growing culture gap
  • I could be talking to all the wrong teenagers (don’t take that wrong)
  • Most young teenagers don’t know about the Far Side
  • I’m wearing the wrong clothes
  • I’m married and obviously must not have a clue about Jr. High drama
  • I don’t care for the clothes of the 1970’s 1980’s and the fashion is coming back therefore I look like a goofy 1990’s wannabe.
  • My sophisticated word humor including puns, spoonerisms and general vocabulary confuse them [“his lips are moving, I hear sounds, but I don’t know what he’s saying.” or, “Stewardess, I speak Jive.”]

In short I’m a relic at 27.5 years of age. I’m considering taking up cave dwelling and combing over my hair like my ancestors before me**

**not really, I’ve got a mortgage and my hair will never be combed over unless I’m incapacitated and the nurses are cruel to me.

Labor and Delivery Preparation

Well, the baby is still a while off, but Jessica is in the other room watching videos about labor and delivery that I’m supposed to watch with her later (I’m working right now so I can’t watch them right now. You can tell I’m working because I’m writing this blog entry). I can’t here everything that’s being said on the DVD, which is a good thing but the parts I’m picking up on are a little… well… scary? I guess I’m just not used to hearing the name of female body parts bandied about quite like they are on the video.

This is the part where I have to buck up and get past my slight embarassment, extreme awkwardness and just get ready for an extremely unpleasant time. For my wife. I get to watch and feel weird but she gets to do the actual labor and delivery part while I look on like a stupid man who’s never going to get it. And it’s true, I’ll never understand. I’ve been told that there are painful things that men can go through that have about the same pain level as labor and delivery… but I think those kinds of pains you have to pay for like fixed broken, hang nails, ears pierced and eating ice cream.

It’s tough to be a guy.

Ture Love

I just got a spam that was in some oriental language. Sorry, I don’t know which one. I’d sure hate to misrepresent the spammer as being any particular nationality when in fact they’re not that nationality. Mostly because I’d sure hate to have said that ‘ture love’ doesn’t exist in America, but it does in Korea, China, Japan or Hawaii*. Especially when we have such historical movie precedense as the Princess Bride wherein we find a priest with such a fun speach impediment that True Love sounds more like ‘twoo wub.’ This can only help to confuse those who speak Engrish as a second language. If you have any doubt, Crick Here. Anyway, the only English in the whole email was ‘Ture Love.’ Which I’m pretty sure is a guaranteed way to get click throughs that earn them millions of yen, pesos or dollars.

I hate maps**.

* Woops, Hawaii is part of the United States, my bad.
** I mean spam, but (s)he typoed first.

Leave it to Cliffhanger

Jessica just finished watching the season finale of Alias. What a cliff hanger. I don’t know this by personal experience, I was judging a CSS competition in my office. However, I heard the shock in her voice and ran out to make sure that there were not bugs on the floor in front of her. No, she was just stunned by the ending of the show. What’s worse? She’s going to complain about not knowing what happened (or what will happen) until next fall when ABC interrupts their mediocre line of reality shows with episodes of Lost and Alias.

This all got me to thinking: what would Leave it to Beaver be like with cliff hanger endings? Given the ‘endings’ of Bat-Man episodes would they go something like:
“Will June finish mopping the floor before Ward gets home?”
“Will the Beaver clean his room in time for the party?”
and
“Will Wally be able to get more hair gel before his big date?”

Stay tuned for next season’s exciting conclusion… Yuck!

Dead Tom’s Dead… Long John Shot ‘im

A post I started earlier this month but never published (I’ve trimmed it down to be more focused than the original):

This title of this post is a quote from the fantastically funny Muppet’s Treasure Island. However, it has very little to do with this post, and for that I apologize which is typical. Today, while standing in line at Safeway I was looking at the high quality media coverage of today’s top stars that was boldly proclaiming accurate headlines about the opinions of the stars and the supposedly accurate opinions of supposed stars. There, to my surprise, was a picture of Tom Cruise with Nicole Kidman Penelope Cruz Katie Holmes. To complete the surreal experience Safeway carefully chose to play the 80’s hit: Highway Through the Danger Zone. That’s right, from the 1986 movie Top Gun. Tommy was of course around 24 when that little flick was foisted upon the global population. Four years younger than Miss Holmes is now.

Lutherans

I saw one of the funniest license plate frames I’ve seen in a long time:
Lutherans, they’re not just good looks and jello.

You just don’t know what’s around the corner 🙂