These people are insane. 11 people dead from kite related festival injuries? They’ve got to be smoking crack or some serious sorts of things to be doing the things they’re doing there. Its not a kite festival, its a lunie-fest.
Category Archives: Funny
Out of Tune
I submitted a cover song to a podcast cover song competition last month. Actually, it was recorded last year, but submitted last month. I got routed. Spanked. Demolished. But such is the way of music, subjectivity and the fact that I can’t hold pitch very well compared to better trained singers. However, this was a learning experience and if there is a next time I’ll take what I learned from this and attempt a better submission. What are those things I learned you ask?
- Re-record your vocals until they’re as close to spotless as possible. I’m certain this cost me.
- Work out your arrangement and refine it. I have tried to communicate this to others but somehow didn’t apply it to myself (can you believe I’ve produced a band before?)
- When you play your recording for someone and their first reaction is to laugh… it might be best to figure out how to get a smile instead
I appreciate that Dan Klass, one of the judges, was the Paula Abduul of the group 🙂 He at least liked the beginning few seconds of the song 🙂
Denver Weather Gets Residents and Newscasters Angry
I just happened upon this link:[contains naughty language that accurately reports what the innacurate weathermen/women feel] Weather forecasters get the flack for what’s not their fault. They report it, and viewers have a cow. Too bad we can’t grind the cows into hamburgers or something more useful 🙂 I’m not thrilled about more snow on a shovelling, traveling level, but for goodness sake, its not their fault that we’re getting the weather.
I used to do music at a church with a weatherman and he said that once he got his first angry phonecall he made sure his number got unlisted.
Hockey!
I went to a hockey game tonight thanks to the kindness and generosity of our friends the Rollisons. Jessica and I joined Bill & Jamie and we had a blast! The game of hockey is one I’m totally unfamiliar with. My brother played roller hockey when I was in High School, but I never really learned it then either. Sorry Ed, I was so amazed by the sweet inline moves that I forgot to pay attention to the rules. Here’s what I learned:
- There are three periods per hockey game unless overtime kicks in
- Those periods have nothing to do with a woman’s cycle
- There are blue lines on the rink floor that just confused me, but at times in the game people should or should not be on one side of the lines
- Hockey goalies are some of the most amazing athletes because they have the intestinal fortitude of Hercules
- Power Plays do not have to involve Congress or one of the three branches of the United States Government
There were a series of threats or epithets that I have to share
- Kill him! – yelled at one hockey player in an attempt to motivate him to cause the game to get interesting
- Homo! – yelled at one hockey player to let him know how the fan really felt
- The ref(eree)s are stupid, they’re wearing tight pants
At one point in time I yelled out, “Get off of him!” to a player who was just sitting there holding another player down on the rink. A fan in front of me turned and said, “Come on man, its Valentines.”
Hockey is fast paced and the only sport with more continuous action is motorized vehicle racing of the Formula One/NASCAR/Super-Cross variety. It was good fun and even Jessica enjoyed it, which is saying a lot!
The Avalanche beat the Ducks 2 to 0 and the best part of the post-game discussion was guessing how people actually pronounced the names of the player. I’m just not French enough. A Quick Hockey Clip from the game
En Transit: Overheard
Overheard at the airport Tuesday the 6th:
“I couldn’t use the kiosk to check in because I’m on the watch list.”
“Why are you on the watch list?”
“Because I’m a nefarious character.”
Close Shave
I got my Valentines day present early. Jessica (and the girls) got me a shaving kit. One that includes shaving oil, shaving creme a badger hair brush and post-shave lotion. Wow! This shaving experience is probably uncommon today compared to 100 years ago. Who thought that using creme from a can was a good choice? The oil helps keep the razor from mutilating my already funky skin. The creme & badger brush create a nice smooth lather on top of the oil, and then the razor slides across my skin getting the hair up and off while keeping the skin in tact. The lotion was not greasy and really made for a nice, smooth shave that I look forward to employing for years to come. Thanks, Jessica, Abby & Evie! And for those of you who wet shave, consider dropping a small amount of money on a kit like this, it will make shaving fun, and the results are well worth the extra cash because you’ll feel like the $50.oo (USD – and that’s an estimate, I don’t know the actual cost) is shining in your face.
Anna Nicole Smith News Updates
You can get Anna Nicole Smith news updates from Shuttle Bus Drivers. This morning the bus driver, on the way to Denny’s, gave me the latest unknowns with the Smith case. He asked me what I thought. Which would be like asking me what the latest news is on haute fashion. Unfortunately when I shop I get my Old Navy “Fash’on.” I also don’t keep up with Anna Nicole Smith rumors as much as the ‘average’ American.
Young Pratt
I have a Junior High story to tell.
There was a student I went to Jr. High with from Alabama. He was like a foreign exchange student in Carson City, Nevada. He had a southern accent, he dressed funny, and he said some, um, different things. Jarrell would say things like, “I ain’t gettin’ nekkid in no gym class.” when the rest of us would say, “I’m not showering.” In Junior High showering wasn’t a priority anyway because you’d rather smell like you’ve not showered after running three bazillion laps before playing a twelve hour flag football game than to expose your naked body to another human being. Especially if they might be naked, too. Jarrell just said it different.
Jarrell had feelings for several of the girls at school during his time as a ‘foreign exchanged’ student. He would go from talking about liking Katie, Jill or Julie to eating possum without blinking. We would tease him about stuff because being jerks was totally acceptable when you were doing it to a foreign exchange student. We loved to tease him for “fixin’ to do somethin'” or for mentioning things we thought were redneck. The said thing is that when I google various students names that I went to school with, they come up. But Jarrell’s doesn’t. I heard he’d moved back to Alabama. Maybe a gator got him, or maybe the Interwebs haven’t reached his part of the globe. Its hard to get the Internets into some trailor parks when the swamp lands hold dangerous venemous snakes. Or, maybe he’s still hiding from Jorge, the guy that also liked Katie.
Update: Oh my gosh! Paula Dean talks much like Jarrell. The Food Network hostess is on in the living room and its like Jarrell’s grandma is, “Hostin’ a cookin’ sha-ow.”
Steve Ballmer Has Hypocrate Written All Across His Very Large Forehead
Not that marketing isn’t often filled with lies, half truths and gotchas, but Steve Ballmer is a goober [CEO of Microsoft]. For example, you can watch this video on YouTube of him making fun of the iPhone. He thinks that on-screen keyboards are bad for computers because its difficult to type (apparently he’s never heard of muscle memory). That silly iPhone has all of its interface, except for two buttons, built into the touch sensitive screen. Who would want that? Apparently Microsoft. Witness the Microsoft Ultra-Mobile PC. It has a touch screen keyboard, and gets fingerprints on it just like an iPhone, only it doesn’t make phone calls. I challenge Microsoft to make sure its not speaking out of both sides of its bank account next time.
Tivo? It’ll Never Take Off
I am about to confess something horribly silly: I first heard about Tivo in Indiana at my father-in-law’s. He had a shirt that said Tivo on it. I hadn’t heard of it, but he had been to their demo somewhere near IUPUI’s campus was (where he worked at the time), so he explained it. I laughed and said (boldly and stupidly) I can do that with my VCR. Oh, the queens of the stone age will rule with an iron fist – for about 2/3rds a second.
Jessica is now on the phone with her mom explaining to her how her mom’s DVR works. We have one and we love it and use it, its not Tivo brand, but its the exact concept my father-in-law explained to me. The one I mocked. I’m such a goober sometimes I scare myself. I’m hopeful that I wouldn’t have been so brash as to say that movies with sound were just a fad [Joseph Schenck did].