My friend Robin just sent me this link. Given that I know a few people who are going on diets (and including my personal need to be on one for the time being) this should be amusing:
Category Archives: Funny
Pirates
Today while procuring halibut (which is an expensive piece of meat for tasting so mediocre sometimes – there are good & bad bits, but being on the ocean sure is better than fresh-frozen/fancy Halibut) I noticed that a gal behind me had painted on a mustache. She was also wearing pirate clothing. Everything inside of me came alive with this strange desire to riff on the weirdness. I overheard her saying that she had just gotten done seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 3. No matter how much I like a movie I just can’t get into the costumed theme myself. The closest that I ever got was showing up the Back to the Future II in regular street clothes and Michael J. Fox was wearing similar clothing on the silver screen when he was in the ‘present.’ Of course there was that time I dressed up as a baby when Star Wars came out. People thought I looked like Yoda because my cloth diapers were similar to his short little get-up.
Blue Shirts II
Today at Best Buy the emplyee at the checkstand didn’t like my question. I had two memory chips in two different packages. I asked why the previously opened chip package was four dollars more than the unopened package. He was confused as to why I would wonder why that was. It was simply that way. It felt a bit stone age-like. We’ll call the employee, whose name was I think Christopher, Thag. Thag must have just gotten off of his smoke break wherein he was smoking large sequoia trees and checking out Olgatha who was in charge of stocking the store. Her Cheetah-skin outfit was freshly tanned. After I figured out he wasn’t going to help me get the opened chip for a discounted price I just bought the new chip. As I swiped the credit card through the card reader he said, “The upside is that you can get the new chip cheaper than the used chip.”
Yeah, that’s not an upside, that’s a problem.
Skatelands
Today we went rollerskating with Jessica’s cousin’s family. As we approached the window to pay the man behind the window grinned with heavily decaying teeth. He knew it would be a big group. He began counting in three dollar increments:
“Three, Six, Nine, Twelve, Fifteen, Sixteen, Twenty, Twenty-four.”
It was awkward to have him count with the wrong interval. Of course my mathematical skillz can be fun, two.
Prosciutto
Today I went into the Albertson’s Deli and asked the woman behind the counter if she had any prosciutto I could buy. Prosciutto might be described as Italian Bacon. It isn’t something that is at every store, but I would personally consider it common to most super-markets. The gal behind the counter told me bluntly that she didn’t know what it was. I scanned the deli fridge to see if maybe I could spy any, I had already evaluated the selection in the pre-sliced section before coming to the counter.
The lady kindly asked her co-worker, “Do you know what prosciutto is, and if so do we have any?”
“Prosciutto, is that a kind of cheese?”
Apparently I’m a food snob in yet another area.
Rain, Because Water is Good in Large Quantities
It is raining again today, which is a break from just being overcast. Overcast is nice, but rain is nicer. If overcast is two-buck-chuck, rain is like a $35.00 merlot. If rain is a pizza, then hail is like the ‘atomic [chicken] wings’ I had at dinner last night that are wreaking havoc on my internal organs as I type this.
That concludes this portion of the SAT reasoning test.
Today the plan was to go to a lake & go fishing as well as have fun on the slip’n’slide. It appears that we could try to go driving in some mud and go sliding [except for where we get stuck, that part I don’t imagine would be good]. On top of that rain is also crumby to grill in (though in some cases like at our house things are at least covered by a porch).
Quote
Trint Ladd, standing next to me says, “Best Blue Shirt Ever.” Context: Describing an employee at Best Buy that actually had half a clue.
Stuffed Crocs
Abby and Evie joined us in bed this morning for a ‘family snuggle’ time. Abby jumped off the bed and out of the room to get stuffed animals. Evie, being the little sister wanted to get her own. Abby came in with two stuffed critters, a piggy and some other thing I didn’t get to see before Evie came in.
Evie brought a croc. No, not that kind, think the shoe.
I Must Speak the Wrong Dialect
Today on my lunch break I put Evie in bed and got her settled. She was asleep, I came out to the kitchen and hugged Abby who had been instructed to go to the bathroom and then Jessica would tuck her in (Jessica has lunch tucking in duties for Abby and I have night time tucking in duties). Abby screamed all the way down the hallway about making sure mommy was tucking her in. I told her sternly, “Be quiet, your sister is supposed to be sleeping!” I was making sure that I wasn’t also really loud and therefore proving myself an idiot. No progress, she continued to be loud and slam things around the bathroom as she went to the bathroom and washed her hands.
Toilet sounds, stool unfolding and being slammed in front of the counter, water on at full blast to make the most noise, and lastly the loudest hand wiping you have ever heard.
I swear I must be speaking adult-ese, which is a slightly different dialect of English that her little mind cannot fathom.
Abby is Now Signed Up for School
Abby is now signed up for school, which is to say that Jessica is an emotional mess. OK, mess, is an overstatement, but its really hitting her that her baby is not much of a baby any more. Abby will be attending a one day a week school that will allow us to do a hybrid of homeschooling and public schooling. The city of Aurora hosts this program that will allow her to go in and do things in a classroom environment. That’s all I know about this system other than when she’s in high school she’ll be able to take college courses and I’ll get to pay a lot less for them. Yeah for school!