Category Archives: Confessions

Things about me you probably never wanted or don’t need to know.

A Non-Whiney, Non-Complaint

Yes, I’ve been a wee negative the last couple posts, but this one and the one to follow it will be happy, gleeful, pleased posts. I promise or I’ll… wait, I can’t write something negative that I’d do or this post would fail the glee test 🙂

Anyway, I’ve ordered a new piece of musical equipment (an effects pedal for my guitars) through Amazon who ordered it through Musician’s Friend. Musician’s Friend is shipping it through UPS. UPS is shipping it through Kansas. Kansas is… wait, this is a happy post. Anyway, UPS is really moving it quickly and efficiently, I love their online tracking system because it first gives you the ‘quick’ bit of information like the scheduled delivery time (Friday in my case) and then gives you a link so that if you’re a tracking happy fellow such as myself you can see that at 1:35 AM your package was in Salina, Kansas making its way to Colorado.

Rock on, I loves me some excess data that will not get my package here any sooner 🙂

Being a Christian Does Not Mean Being Self Righteous

Reading this article “Foes, soldier’s mother counter protesters at funeral” made me sick. As a Christian I find the actions of some who call themselves Christians (and undoubtedly some of them are, grace covers all sins, even those yucky ones you don’t want to talk about or that offend others) to be repulsive. If they think that God is striking this country down because it politically tolerates homosexuality then they can move to another, more righteous, country! But instead they insist that they will turn it around through mockery, insults and what could never be described as evangelism. Speaking of which Evangelism means ‘spreading the good news.’ How on earth do they present the good news at a funeral wherein they insult the decesed, the mother and all those attending? “Jesus doesn’t love you,” seems the wrong message to me.

So, I’m glad to say that the truth of the Christian message is that we all sin, but that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Even those of the homosexuals, those of the sickos who drag His name through the dirt at funerals, those who speed 5 miles an hour over the speed limit and those who rape murder and steel. Christ came to love – these people need to learn that.

Happy ‘Versary, Jessica

Jessica and I are celebrating our universary today. That is to say that today, or tonight, at approximately 10:20 PM mountaint time we will have been going out for 11 years. It was actually closer to 9:20 Pacific time that I asked her to go out with me, but we’re ahead a time zone so I had to bump the hour upt for scientific accuracy. Jessica was so nervous that she asked her mom if she thought it was a good idea for her to risk her friendship with me because if the boyfriend/girlfriend thing didn’t work out she didn’t want to lose a friend. Of course this tidbit of information made me think things wouldn’t last longer than 2 weeks, but I was wrong and now we’ve been ‘more than friends’ for 11 years. I can only imagine what the next 11 years will be like. Abby will be 14, Evie will be 11, and I’ll be 39. Jessica will be a gorgeous 38 and Goldy the goldfish will more than likely be flushed. However, we’re a happy family and after 11 years of being together I can say that I am thankful to God each and every day for my bride 🙂

Oh, and the rumors are all lies, I never married my sister [MP3].

I Finally Get It

Growing up my dad would tell the story of my first time to a movie. He took me to see “The Fox and the Hound.” I heard the story of my explanation towards the climax of the movie possibly 50 times or more in my life. I never understood why my dad told that movie so often. Friday night I learned why. We took Abby (and Evie, but she slept the whole time) to see “Curious George.” For the record I think they should have called it Curious Jorge the Intrigued Monkey, but they didn’t because apparently this is based on a book series that I found completely mind numbingly boring as a child and that book series was not called Curious Jorge the Intrigued Monkey. But I digress.

Abby just glowed and glowed throughout the movie. As event took place she would exclaim various things. She smiled a lot, but she sat still on my lap through the whole movie. It was wonderful to see her excitement and enjoyment of the rather goofy cartoon. And, in the end it was way better than the books.

Valentine’s Day Warm Up

My sister-in-law Shari tells me I’m a dork for some comment I make 8 out of 10 times that we chat online. One guaranteed story that will surely cause many readers to think that I’m a dork was the smooth move that I made when I first told Jessica that I was attracted to her. I told Jessica that I was attracted to her on Valentines day. I steered the conversation that direction, dropped the ‘bomb’ on her and then, in typical Randy-hates-commitment fashion changed the subject. Two days later I asked her if she would “Go out with me.” She asked her mom.

Basically I have been a horrible romantic my whole adult life [not to indicate that I was a better romantic prior to that]. When I proposed to Jessica I did it at my place of employment. I did it there due to the element of surprise that I believed I had. I bumbled out the proposal words in shear nervousness and even mentioned something about being married to me until death. I mentioned death in my proposal!

Of course I had bigger, more grand plans of proposing on Christmas as the ultimate present but Jessica mentioned earlier that year that she thought that people who proposed on Christmas were goofy. She got that right, I am goofy, even if I chickened out on the Christmas day proposal.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

No, that’s not a Beatles reference. It is what we as parents of Evie say to her over and over again. If we say something and she smiles, then we repeat it, if she smiles again, we repeat it again. I swear she must think we’ve got the smallest vocabulary! When she gets older, she might read this and she’ll say, “Dad, what on earth did you think you were doing?” And I will reply carefully, “Trying our best?” Which won’t cut it because, “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” makes for some pretty lame rock lyrics as well as not much for a baby’s mind to grab onto. Fortunately I have a goatee for her to grab onto instead of words.

Splinter

While in Washington [state!] over the holidays I helped install a beautiful wood floor at my in-laws. I got one splinter in my left ring finger tip. That little piece of wood has been in me for more than a month and it has been irritating me. This morning if finally came out of me and it was like a limp noodle when I pulled it out. My body had had enough of its craziness and decided that playing the guitar was way more important than hurting.

Sure, I could have pulled it out earlier, but I’m not a big fan of needles and tweezers digging into my flesh for a small piece of wood. Heck, it wouldn’t even help start a fire let alone be worth doing anything else but throwing away! So, I just let my body do its thing until they come out. Yes, I could get an infection and lose my finger. Yes, I could have the splinter work its way through my body and come out of my head 30 years down the road. But most of the time, to my knowledge, my body just rejects them and pushes them back out.

And I’m OK with that.

Eye, Eye, Captain!

I am going to the eye doctor soon. This scares me because I think that my eyes are fine. I think that I can see well. But the truth is that I know they will tell me that my vision is not 20/20 or some number telling me that I can see through walls and burn down buildings with the lazers that shoot out of my eyes.

Will glasses make me look sexy like Clark Kent or will they make me look like an old codger? Of course I may not need glasses, but I’m sure not going to wear contacts – I would go blind poking my eyes before they went in easily.

A Fart in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bathroom

If you want to know what kind of lasting impression you have left on the mind of a youth, just wait until they buy you a Christmas present. Yesterday we had a belated Christmas celebration with our friends the Kaes’. Ironically Trystan got me ‘potty putty’ which is this goopy stuff that is in a plastic toilet that when manipluated with your fingers creates farting sounds. So while some people participated in constructing Trystan’s life and making it better I apparently contributed fart humor. Which is fine by me, it could have been a worse contribution, I’m sure 🙂

Thanks Trystan and for sharing your life with us!