Category Archives: Confessions

Things about me you probably never wanted or don’t need to know.

The Best Time of Day

The absolutely best time of day for me (or night for that matter) is 12:34:56.  Yup, I’m weird like that.  When I notice that the clock is showing 12:34 I have to stop and enjoy the moment.  Its like this simple pattern that makes my whole day better.  I also have other problems, but I’ll probably post them into a different entry.

After Dinner Death

The sweet and sour dish wasn’t sour enough so here is the resulting exchange:

“See, that’s why I don’t follow recipes.”

“I thought it was because you couldn’t read”

[Insert God striking me with lightning for disrespecting my elders]

This is for My Mom

This is a post that is not about mice.  It is not about dead mice either.  And it is most certainly not about mice being killed by snakes in her house while I was in school because my brother had a snake that ate mice.

Nope.  This is about other things like me scraping my body all over gravel roads when I was younger and her having to clean up the wounds.  She did that so well.  She also helped track down several snakes my brother had when they would get out of their terrariums.  She was a good mom who was much more patient with us at times when I probably would have lost it with my girls.

Nope, this post isn’t about mice except for the comparison where my mom was strong like Mighty Mouse**.

**Except for the cocain that mighty mouse snorted.

Saw IV: The Mouseman Cometh

Last night a mouse died… under my table saw.  My mother-in-law went into the garage to have a smoke and found the mouse dead there.  Yuck.  Slightly weird.  Death in the garage.

It was actually nice because the mouse had escaped a trap I’d set for it. We saw the snapped trap and a trail of mouse juice leaving AWAY from the trap in another direction that was not towards the saw.  But the saw’s powers were just too great, the mouse had to come out and meet its final destiny under the Ryob.

The worst part was that I had to dispose of the mouse.  I don’t like dead animals for various reasons, but one of them is germs.  I put on work gloves, grabbed a wide open piece of newspaper (for some reason we get a paper even though no one reads it for anything but coupons and comics) and carefully picked up the body.  I had to squeeze the paper until I felt the little body inside of it – which was also not an ok mental experience.   The mouse went into a whole foods paper bag (for some reason I always get paper when I go to Whole Foods – I think I feel like I fit in better when I do), inside of the garbage can,inside of my house, inside the city of Aurora, inside Arapahoe county, inside Colorado, inside the United State, inside North America, inside of the earth… and the tiny germs on the dead mouse stayed off of me.  But just in case I washed my arms up to my shoulders.  Yes, even the hand that didn’t touch the dead mouse newspaper through a leather work glove.

Out of Tune

I submitted a cover song to a podcast cover song competition last month.  Actually, it was recorded last year, but submitted last month.  I got routed.  Spanked.  Demolished.  But such is the way of music, subjectivity and the fact that I can’t hold pitch very well compared to better trained singers.  However, this was a learning experience and if there is a next time I’ll take what I learned from this and attempt a better submission.  What are those things I learned you ask?

  1. Re-record your vocals until they’re as close to spotless as possible.  I’m certain this cost me.
  2. Work out your arrangement and refine it.  I have tried to communicate this to others but somehow didn’t apply it to myself (can you believe I’ve produced a band before?)
  3. When you play your recording for someone and their first reaction is to laugh… it might be best to figure out how to get a smile instead

I appreciate that Dan Klass, one of the judges, was the Paula Abduul of the group 🙂  He at least liked the beginning few seconds of the song 🙂

Denver Weather Gets Residents and Newscasters Angry

I just happened upon this link:[contains naughty language that accurately reports what the innacurate weathermen/women feel] Weather forecasters get the flack for what’s not their fault.  They report it, and viewers have a cow.  Too bad we can’t grind the cows into hamburgers or something more useful 🙂  I’m not thrilled about more snow on a shovelling, traveling level, but for goodness sake, its not their fault that we’re getting the weather.

I used to do music at a church with a weatherman and he said that once he got his first angry phonecall he made sure his number got unlisted.

Hockey!

I went to a hockey game tonight thanks to the kindness and generosity of our friends the Rollisons. Jessica and I joined Bill & Jamie and we had a blast! The game of hockey is one I’m totally unfamiliar with. My brother played roller hockey when I was in High School, but I never really learned it then either. Sorry Ed, I was so amazed by the sweet inline moves that I forgot to pay attention to the rules. Here’s what I learned:

  1. There are three periods per hockey game unless overtime kicks in
  2. Those periods have nothing to do with a woman’s cycle
  3. There are blue lines on the rink floor that just confused me, but at times in the game people should or should not be on one side of the lines
  4. Hockey goalies are some of the most amazing athletes because they have the intestinal fortitude of Hercules
  5. Power Plays do not have to involve Congress or one of the three branches of the United States Government

There were a series of threats or epithets that I have to share

  • Kill him! – yelled at one hockey player in an attempt to motivate him to cause the game to get interesting
  • Homo! – yelled at one hockey player to let him know how the fan really felt
  • The ref(eree)s are stupid, they’re wearing tight pants

At one point in time I yelled out, “Get off of him!” to a player who was just sitting there holding another player down on the rink. A fan in front of me turned and said, “Come on man, its Valentines.”

Hockey is fast paced and the only sport with more continuous action is motorized vehicle racing of the Formula One/NASCAR/Super-Cross variety. It was good fun and even Jessica enjoyed it, which is saying a lot!

The Avalanche beat the Ducks 2 to 0 and the best part of the post-game discussion was guessing how people actually pronounced the names of the player. I’m just not French enough. A Quick Hockey Clip from the game

Anna Nicole Smith News Updates

You can get Anna Nicole Smith news updates from Shuttle Bus Drivers.  This morning the bus driver, on the way to Denny’s, gave me the latest unknowns with the Smith case.  He asked me what I thought.  Which would be like asking me what the latest news is on haute fashion.  Unfortunately when I shop I get my Old Navy “Fash’on.”  I also don’t keep up with Anna Nicole Smith rumors as much as the ‘average’ American.