Author Archives: Randy Peterman

Cute Buns

Yesterday Abby insisted on stripping down into her little two year old birthday suit and running around the house like The Flash. Cutely, she had a bandaid (some white and blue thing) right above her left buttock. Even more cutely she sat upon the toilette and pronounced, “I have a cute bottom, Mama!”

Read Words the Way They Were Meant to Be Read

I love it when I read something that just is so redundant or such a non-statement that I think, “I would probably write that on my blog… as a pun, one liner or joke.” Take for example this blog entry by one of the big-wigs at General Motors. It has a classic statement in it that only a seasoned executive or crumby writer like myself could make:

We want Pontiac to be a performance-oriented division offering vehicles that can really be driven the way vehicles are meant to be driven.

Now I will point out that he goes on to clarify this statement, but that would be no fun to just concede and go home a quitter. No, I want to think about the alternative methods that you could drive a car:

  • From the back seat like I do when I’m a passenger
  • Blindfolded. This would just rock, or at least for about 5 seconds it would. Once out of ‘park’ or neutral, you’d be hosed.
  • Two wheels. What would happen if you were to attempt to drive on only two wheels? I can do this on a skateboard (or Tony Hawk can on my Playstation 2), why not do it in a car?
  • In reverse. Think of the joys of having your transmission installed incorrectly and actually being able to go 95 miles per hour in reverse. Tell me that you don’t want to try this at least once.

Now, remember this is all just in fun and that you need to read this as words were meant to be read: in a mirror.

Bin Laden Bounty

If a man’s life (or death) is worth$50 million why am I buying life insurance? Seriously. And why am I paying what feels like exorbitant taxes? Right now here is the message the United States government is sending:

  • Our national debt is not a concern – we keep making up money to spend on Iraq, bin Laden and inauguration parties
  • Taxes are not necessary to raise money to fund events and functionality within the government
  • I can get myself into enough debt to have caused George Washington to die of a heart attack had he seen the nation in that much debt

Fun, huh?

The Wrong Trousers

If you’ve ever watched ‘Wallace and Gromit,’ and lets face it, if you’ve watched Chicken Run, you’ve seen the animation work of the people behind Wallace and Gromit, then you might have seen the ‘Wrong Trousers.’ episode. This post has nothing to do with that. I just liked the name of the episode and so therefore I’ve titled this post such.

I’d like to warn Colorado in general that my new niece will be arriving at Denver International Airport next month towards the middle and I’m going to be overly protective of her so that she and her family are safe. If you notice that traffic is at a standstill between the 11th through the 15th next month it is only because I’ve blocked all of the major highways so that my family can safely travel where they need to.

If this sounds excessive, just remember that another important person, President Bush, got the same treatment when he came to town. Sure, Hawley’s a bit younger, probably hasn’t formed any political opinions and doesn’t run the country, but she’s important and I just want you to understand in case you are slightly put out by having to be late to work, lunch, dinner or the bahamas.

That is all.

Happy Birthday Becky!

Happy Birthday to my sister who turns a year older today [I’ve stopped naming actual years for people who are no longer teenagers as it usually makes me feel old]. I hope that she’s enjoying her birthday at work. Or maybe I hope she’s not working on her birthday. Either way, I hope that it is fun. We’ll call later (and hopefully leave a message on your machine because you’ll be with your sweetheart).

Best Day Ever

Abby sometimes pays us huge complements, which we take with great joy, but one that she’s used periodically for some time now goes something like, “Mommy, you’re the best day ever.” Why Jessica is a good day is a mystery to me. She’s a great wife, a wonderful mother, but I’d sure hate to add another day to the week 😉 I’m pretty sure she’s trying to say something like, “You’re the best.” It’s cute though and it does make my day when I’m the best day ever.

Deer Momm, I Gotz a GNU SpellChacker

I have just installed the fancy schmancy spell checker into my Firefox browser so I can now check the spelling in these blog posts. Or course the down side is that I actually have to use it and it may take me just a little bit longer to post. However, my mom can now read this blog without thinking, “I hope that the other mothers who read this blog don’t think I’m a bad mom because my boy’s spelling is worse than the presidentz.”

Email Killed the Floppy Star

Do you remember floppy disks? Do you remember the 8-track? Do you remember the vinyl records? All of those are ancient data transfer methods. However, now with ubiquity of the internet, the speed of broadband (more than half of US internet connections are broadband) and the simplicity of email floppy disks have all but died. Sure, Dell was going to get rid of the floppy drive in their PC‘s several years ago, but businesses cried out, “We love old technology, give us Windows 95!”

So, kudos Apple for bumping the floppy. CD burning takes only a wee longer with todays faster drives and the data storage quantity means I won’t have to carry a suitcase if I want to take a lot of data somewhere (I would have to with floppies).