Tonight I overheard a woman ask a question after staring at a sign at our local Sweet Tomato. She had read the sign several times and then called the latino man behind the counter over to answer a question, “Excuse me, is this vegetarian?” A legitimate question… had the sign not read
Vegetarian Harvest!
If you like children, and most readers of this blog do, then you’ll love the news that my dear, sweet wife and I were planning on starting to try to have a second child in May. You’ll love that news. You’ll think to yourself, “Self, what in the heck is Randy getting at?” And the answer to that question is this: Jessica is pregnant. She has been since the end of January. It has been killing me that I couldn’t blog about it. So, tonight Jessica gave me permission to tell y’all.
She’s due in October, exactly one month after my birthday, the 25th. She’s just shy of being done with the first tri-mester and all is going well. As I’ve mentioned a few times before, Jessica hasn’t been feeling well. That is because she’s got issues with sugar during this pregnancy and having any large amount of carbohydrates causes her to feel really ill. The mid-wife seems to think that’s a terrific thing signifying that she’s actually having a healthy pregnancy 🙂 Two weeks ago Jessica and I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time, which pretty much rocked.
So, in short, I’m going to be a daddy, and this is pretty darn cool. We’ve chosen a name if its a boy as well as one if its a girl. So, let the guessing begin… is it a boy, or a girl? And, what will the name be? The first person to guess the sex of the baby correctly as well as the baby’s name will get a Randy Peterman Digital Research & Development shirt 🙂
I just realized that I’ve been doing something for a long time. I’ve been toying with acronyms. I don’t know how Kosher it is to mess with acronyms, but at least 50% of the time you see an acronym, if you hold your mouse over it, the tooltip will not be the correct expansion of said acronym. For example, when you see TV in most posts it will actually have a tooltip that says something nasty like, “Rots your brains out” or “Run for the hills” or “I couldn’t think of anything witty for this.” So, when you see an acronym within the contents of this blog, please be careful. Just an FYI.
That’s Rent as in rip or tear. I was astonished this evening as I walked past our TV and heard a news caster actually say the words, “The Cardinal talked about the popes life and death…” while referring to the ceremony performed before the burial of the late Pope John-Paul-Ringo-George II. If you were going to a eulegy and upon arrival the miniser, cardinal, judge, spokesperson or general eulegizer-person spoke about their morning, how the local sports teams were doing and pretty much avoided talking about the dead person you would either think you were on a hidden camera show or you would be really surprised. Not this news gal, accurate news dictates that you state the overly obvious to make sure that those who have overactive imaginations (myself) weren’t confused and thinking that the thousands of attendees of the funeral and those watching on closed circuit television and the millions watching by braile were not being treated to a David Copperfield performance instead of the eulogy. What gives?
I’d like to also extend my imagination to the following area: If I was watching the news and the weatherman said, “The snow outside is cold.” I would probably change the channel. If I were watching the news and the sports guy said, “And Kobe Bryant nailed that one…” I’d have to wonder if he was referring to the recent trial or a b-ball game… and then change the channel. If I were watching the news and some poor sap was out, man-on-the-street style, interviewing folks about their opinion on the latest scandal in [pick pretty much any area of life] and he asked them, “Do you think that [said scandal] is wrong?” I would probably change the channel. I would not change the channel if they covered things like the local music scene, actual issues that are facing the community and how FedEx-Kinko’s is a really stupid name for a company. I would watch the news if it was worth watching. However, it is not. It is worth avoiding and just using news.google.com to see the latest highlights. If you want real news, you’ve got to make it yourself.
With that in mind I’m announcing my candidacy for the Vice President of the United States of Whatever America in the election of 2021. By then I figure I’ll have learned how to clearly communicate about important issues like political strategery, I’ll have learned how to clearly not stand strong on any issues, and most importantly I’ll have learned how to apply my toupee in such a way that it won’t flap in the wind when I have to appear outside for brief moments of PR. I don’t want to appear ‘homey’ [not homie] like Kerry did with Jonathan Edwards, I want to appear daring, bold and slightly untrustworthy so that when people see me next to the completely untrustworthy candidates I’m running against, I’ll be the lesser of two evils.
So, who’s with me? Who else wants to run for joint-vice-presidency? I don’t think one person can take that job on, but 4 or 5 may. We could be the Peterman-Smith-Jones-Wilson-Thomas vice-presidency party. We could stand for peace, truth, the American way, as well as the pledge of allegiance, which will have been severely re-written due to major law suits brought on by the ACLU, NRA and NOW. By then we may have a Bi-Camel legislation body if we can take over Iraq’s government cleanly. The other thing is that if we can run in 2021 we’ll be the only choice because everyone else will be running in 2020! We’ll totally kick bottom.
The Eyes of Nye
is a show by ‘Bill Nye, the Science Guy.’ Well, that’s what his old show was called back when I was a Jr. Higher. The funky thing is that I loved that show and would watch it as regularly as possible. I would also watch it even as an adult. It would come on Sunday mornings while I was getting ready for church, and what else could I do but turn on the TV and watch this hilarious show about basic science (usually physics or chemistry) while getting dressed, or ironing [for the record I’d iron the close before I got dressed].
I haven’t seen this show yet, but it could be good and funny.
Matt Mullenweg posted about this (new to me) site Caption Machine. What to wear to court? is a really, really funny one in particular. I’ve not looked at too much of the site, but it does amuse me 🙂
The big project that I’ve been working on is nearing completion. I’m thinking that it will only be two more days worth of work. This means I’ll be working some Saturday but hopefully only for just a couple hours! We’ll be releasing Tuesday and then I’ve got to work on a post mortem and a presentation for the following week.
Oh, and I’m writing this from my Nokia 3300 phone, sorry if there are typo’s.
Some of you readers have kindly left comments… and they’ve not shown up on the site right away. Apparently there’s a setting in WordPress (my blogging software) that requires I manually allow at least one comment by you to ‘validate your existence in the realm of this blog.’ I’m going to leave this setting on because I don’t get thousands of new readers with new comments every day. If you don’t see your comment right away and think it should be up there right away call or email or write.
Abby was in her pajamas and wanted to further dress herself in this elegant attire. She’s so cute and fun!
If you’re like me… Wait, I start with that too often.
If you like root beer… No, everyone pretty much likes root beer.
If you hate drinking corn syrup in sodas because you know that its going to give you diabetes… No, that’s not right either.
I enjoy a new, to me, brand of Root Beer called Boylan’s Natural Root Beer. It doesn’t have corn syrup as a sweater sweetener so I can actually drink it. Corn Syrup as you know has been linked to obesity, higher risk of diabetes and smaller pinky toes on the rear right feet of some laboratory rats*. The root beer’s flavor is pretty good but I have noted that the acidity of my own body effects the flavor – in other words if you’ve been living on coffee for the last two months like I have it won’t taste quite as good as if you’ve just been eating pixy sticks and licking your walls in an insane asylum.
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Speaking of which, do they have sane asylums? “Sir, this man is perfectly fine, we must get hims safely to the sane asylum before the whacko’s get to him!”
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This root beer is particularly good with Breyer’s Natural Vanilla Ice Cream (also without rat foot shrinking corn syrup) in what is affectionately known as a “root beer float.” Much like the floats in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade root beer floats are a tradition, gather throngs of people, and are really rather boring if you watch them for hours. However, root beer floats are not meant to be watched, they’re to be drunk and chunks of ice cream spooned out of them. Now before anyone gets out of line and says something naughty, I don’t think that root beer can get you drunk. However, it can get you on a sugar high much like licking wallpaper and eating pixy sticks.
So I’ve written far too much satirical nonsense in this for you to seriously be thinking, “Thelma, fire up the ole’ Jalopy, we’re headin’ into town to buys us some carn s’rup free beer and wallpaper!” However, I do recommend that you look for this fine beverage in a store near you because it tastes good, is less likely to give you diabetes and it is more likely to get you on the stand of the latest Michael Jackson trial.
“Your Honor, the defense would like to ask this man what we was doing at Boy Land.”
“It’s not Boy Land! I simply was suggesting that people try Boylan’s root beer!”
Oh, and if you want the opinion of a Root Beer junky he thinks it’s just OK. However, I like it but am curious to try their other sodas given their high reviews on that previous link.
* It should be noted that this is only a guess and I cannot prove one little thing about lab rats toes. I haven’t even seen a rat toe since the last time I was at Razzoo’s. That is all.