Indiana Jones and the Abandonment of Everything Before It

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I just got back from Indiana Jones and the Crystal Cathedral.  Great googly-moogly this was a complete re-hack of the previous movies just look at all of the similarities:

 

Raiders of the Lost Ark, Last Crusade or Temple of Doom Crystal Meth Sameness
Older Harrison Ford Younger Harrison Ford 60%
Witty lines Witty limes Fruity
Nazis Reds 100% same, only different
Wrath of God Wrath of trans-dimensional aliens 0% sameness
Double Crossing Double Crossing much sameness
Sean Connery Picture of Sean Connery 10%
Indy as Junior “Mutt” as Junior -9000%

I could go on with the similarities, but as you can see by the above chart there’s so much in common between the past Indiana Jones movies and this one that if you’ve seen the first three, this one’s a re-run.

Actually, its totally different, which was either refreshing, or not. Either way, we enjoyed the movie on an entertainment level, but were let down because we wanted to have that nostalgia come back, but instead found the difference too great to just feel like we’d come back to see another story in the same series.

Kudos to Steven Spielberg for not casting ET as one of the aliens – or having reese’s peanut butter product placements within the film.

Also Kudos for magnetic materials being attracted to the highly magnetic aliens only some of the time. It made for more suspense wondering when something would be attracted and when something would be artificially non-metal.

Also, Also Kudos for having the noise of a small class rival that of a full auditorium sound effects people, it was awesome.

2 thoughts on “Indiana Jones and the Abandonment of Everything Before It”

  1. Your mistake is that you forgot to disengage your brain before entering the theatre.

    This could be addressed if the theatres were to simply add a reminder along with the “turn off your mobile phones” and “video recordings prohibited” to refrain from thinking until the main feature completes.

  2. We do try to disengage the brain, but I have to leave just enough of my brain in tact to actually watch, and that was enough to remember the differences in movie consistency. Stupid brain 😉

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