I get asked by friends sometimes, “Randy what do you think about [insert some topic here]?” They ask because they know that I have an opinion about pretty much everything. I have an opinion about everything because I’m a collector. The Franklin Mint issued a series and I’m paying a monthly fee to collect opinions now. This morning my friend Robin asked, “So, what do you think about this britney/Kevin thing?” [editors note: this question was prompted] And since I figure that most of the internet cares about what I know, what I don’t know, and what is really happening in the lives of two famous personalities I thought I’d answer her here.

First we need to look at the facts. For example, Britney Spears used to be a hot property, but now that she’s had two kids she’s slightly less hot because people figure that Kevin had to actually involve himself with her in a way that removed the status of ‘sex icon’ and turned her into ‘mother of two.’ I will note that my wife is a mother of two and she’s still hot property, but she’s my hot property and you better keep your hands off. Another fact is that Kevin Federline, much like Ali-G is a fictitious character. How can we know this for sure? I believe that his middle name being ‘Earl’ is a dead giveaway. My grandpa’s name is Earl. I had one classmate in 6th grade who was named Earl, but otherwise, nobody is really named Earl. Secondly we know he’s fictitious because he doesn’t wear his hat correctly. Fake hat wearing is clearly a sign of fake people. Lastly its important ot recognize K-Fed as a fake person because K-Fed is blatantly a rip-off of the FedEx logo as witnessed by the graphic below:

The truth of the matter is that real people are involved here. People with real hearts, real feelings and a need for real love. unfortunately they’ve bought into the political agenda that I would call, “Hollywood.” That agenda tells them that love is purely a feeling and that money, sex, sex and more sex are the most important thing to a famous marriage. And sure, it sounds nice on cellophane, but its just sad. I hope that the miraculous will happen and both Britney and Kevin will wake up one morning and realize that they have to be real with themselves instead of worrying about how they’ll look on YouTube.