I just used the figure of speech, “… hit the nail on the head.” Which is really a dumb figure of speech. It is like saying something is not rocket science. Or maybe the coolest things since sliced bread. Or killing a bird and wounding a lawyer with one shotgun blast two birds with one stone. Where do these come from? They must have been created by people who didn’t use computers.

If you think about it a nail gun, unless it is really screwed up (which is a bad figure of speech to use when describing a nail gun), will always hit a nail on the head. And rocket science relies on computers now that are made by computer scientists. Those very computer scientists were raised by mothers who were sandwich artists before Subway started calling their minimum wage employees Sandwich Artists. And if you’ve ever seen Shelly Duvall in ‘Rocketman’ then you know that mothers of rocket scientists can make a pretty mean sandwich. And that’s another figure of speech I don’t get: ‘mean.’ Is a mean sandwich one that gives you, to quote a friend, an, “after lunch gas attacks??” Or is a mean sandwich one that is like a gangster with a head tatoo in a foreign language that they don’t read that says, “ice-skating” [Apparently Justin Timberlake’s upcoming movie has a fake tatoo on him that says this ]?

And lastly, sliced bread stinks. It goes moldy faster, gets dry, and when someone forgets to re-attach the twist-tie or the plastic clippy thing from hell, the bread could go spilling all over the floor. And I don’t want to cry over spilt bread.

Please press any key now.