So, Jessica, being a daredevil of sorts and feeling dissassociated from the normal female pattern of counting calories tried the chantico from Starbucks tonight. Now, I’m going to warn those of you who are sensitive readers, those with weak constitutions and communist manifestoes to stop reading now.

OK, so what she ended getting was 20 grams of fat, a tiny cup and what tasted like liquid brownies. I had one sip and I feel like I’ve already gained enough weight to have replaced the Etheiopians in all of the 3rd grade Ethiopian jokes I told as a kid (you know, the ones where they’re so skinny that the wind whistles through their ribs when they run…). This literally tasted like a really moist chocolate browny. It’s fantastic, it’s almost so good that it would be fat-tastic. I think that Starbucks really took a gamble because in the end super-chocoholics are going to be sticking with chocolate bars made in foreign countries with 95% or more cocoa in them. I also think that most Americans will not know that they’re getting 20 grams of fat with their drink.

Did I mention it has 20 grams of fat? Oh, sorry, I did. I can eat a mediocre can of chili and it only has 14 grams of fat. However, this drink is not mediocre, I just had one sip and now I have to check into rehab. Pardon me if I drop off into a Carbohydrate coma…