Thursday afternoon at 4:20 PM EST my flight from Canada to Chicago O’Hare was scheduled to depart.  Upon boarding the plane I paused in line to let two officers escort a large man onto the airplane.  I don’t know what he did, who he was, or if he had made fun of their maple syrup, but the guy was being escorted onto the plane I was getting onto.  I’ll just say that my idea of a good time does not involve being trapped in a metal tube thousands of feet above the ground (or water in the case of the great lakes) with a potential bad guy sitting only a few rows in front of me.  As the plane took off myself and pretty much all of the passengers kept an eye on him.  That is until I fell asleep.

I awoke to the sound of the captain speaking on the intercom, but all other passengers, including the escortee, were still seated.  Fortunately nothing crazy happened and when we landed no officers came to collect this unique individual.  I’ll assume he had no papers or passport.  I don’t know, but I didn’t want to ask lest he help me discover a more practical heavenly position by rushing me through the process of dying.

After enjoying the zoo that is Chicago O’Hare airport I boarded the plane en route to Denver.  I stayed awake this time as I had already napped on the other flight and I was seated next to a woman who was not my wife, I didn’t want to wake up with her pushing me off of her as I had unknowingly snoozed in her direction.  I spent some time viewing podcasts, read a little Fast Company, and generally waited until we could land in Denver.  Upon coming close to the landing strip the flight attendant gently suggested that all passengers stay seated and buckled while airport personnel board the plane.

Did someone puke?

Did someone start having labor pangs?

We landed, taxied to the jet bridge and then sat waiting for personnel to quickly board the plane and then walk to the very back of the plane where they found their man and escorted him off the plane.  What gives?!  Did the guy threaten someone?  Did he happen to be on the FBI’s most wanted list?  Did he mention terrororists?

I have no idea, but after waiting for the police to exit the plane the rest of the passengers moved in slow motion and exited the plane in a fashion that can only be described as sloth-like.  In fact, I think this may have been faster than sloths, but slower than a sloth in a panic.  After leaving the plane I could see that the other passenger was being questioned still by ‘airport personnel’ and I was glad that they hadn’t grabbed me.  Mostly because I think I stole a single dry bean from the grocery store in elementary school and they’re still looking for me.