Category Archives: Word Play

Odd words, phrases and jargon from about the world and web

Free In Home Consulation

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No, that’s not a typo in the title, it’s marketing. Actually, it is a typo, but it was on a commercial that I saw this evening while working out. There was a home theater company offering their services to come in and (apparently) ‘consul’ with you. I suppose that it would be pretty cool if you were their competition. They’d not only look incompetant, but it would also have helped if they had not shown the text twice on the screen as one of only three things they put on the screen as text. Oh, well. I guess that if I ever want to run a spell checker on this site it would return a lot of typos.

This is the white kettle calling the white pot… white.

Abby DC

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This evening Abby started singing some AC DC. Now, for those of you who are wondering, “How on earth do you fit into your clothes?” I’ll answer that later. For those of you wondering why my two year old was listening to AC DC it is because the skateboard video game I have has it as part of the cycling ‘musictrack.’ The song that AC DC performs is ‘TNT.’ However, Abby, being young and not the most familiar with the alphabet changed it to DAD. So she walked around this aftenoon and evening saying, “DAD, Dynomite!”

Priceless.

High of…

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So tomorrow it’s supposed to be 23 degrees. Hope, that would be warm. Actually, the forecast is for it to be a high of 3 degrees. A low of -6. Of course all of that is Fahrenheit. Which reminds me of a Ray Bradbury book in which these guys are all driving around in beetles and then they’re burning books and then this one gal is watching TV and then the alarm goes off and the coffee maker turns on and then the toast pops out of the toaster oven and then you discover that it wasn’t a dream, everyone’s dead but the automation keeps going. Or something like that.

Spamela Hamderson*

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This morning while I was dinking on a guitar and Jessica was getting ready I heard Jessica spraying her hair spray. Then I heard Jessica say, “What are you doing?!” Then I realized that it was not Jessica spraying her hair, it was Abby spraying Pam, non-stick food spray all over the oven, the floor, her hands and the plastic hamburger she was playing with. As you can expect it was a fun mess.

Then…

This afternoon Abby wanted to play “Hairbears.” No, not CareBears like the ones you remember from being a kid (unless you don’t remember those from being a kid, and then it wasn’t like that at all), but “Hairbears.” Jessica was a blue hairbear, Abby was yellow and I was red. Eventlly it was announced by Jessica that I was “fart-a-lot.” An deserved name to be sure.

* Spamel Hamderson is a Henson Character from a Muppet show.

Great Dancing Dogs, Batman!

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OK, so as I carried my dishes out to the sink this morning to rinse the egg off of them and leave them in the sink for Jessica to handle (I swear I’m not making that up) I saw something on the TV that really concerned me. There on the television was a woman dancing to really lame music. And, worse than her dancing, was the dog dancing similarly. I don’t know if that makes her a bad dancer or the dog tallented. However, I do know that I expect to see that sort of ‘wintertainment’ on public access TV, maybe even a PBS fund-razor, but not on broadcast television with a nationally syndicated programme such as “Goot Mornig, Unt Ya, America!” Or Maybe it was one of the other clone morning shows. Whichever one it was, stop the stupidity!

Milk

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This morning we discovered that we were out of milk with the exception of about 3 millimeters at the botton of the whole milk jug. So, I hauled my close onto my body and my rear-end to the King-Soopers to buy milk and eggs.
Query:
Who in the heck came up with the name ‘King-Soopers.’
Answer
Someone with the whitty intellect to also come up with ‘Krispy Kream KDoughnuts’ or ‘Medicine Shoppe*.’

I think I have a a low tollerance for odd spellings or blatantly wrong spellings for words. That being said I’m the purpotrator of ‘StatTraq,’ but that is paying homage to my French-Canadian rue-ts. *

For the record I’m not French, Canadian or Roots; I’m white.

* note: I worked at the Medicine Shoppe in Carson City in High School. It is now not a Medicine Shoppe pharmacy.

Fruity

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This morning I gave Abby a bath. Then I put this ‘tutti frutti’ lotion on her. Now I smell fruity. I think I shall have to wear latex gloves to avoid any girly smells so that when I come in contact with people throughout the day they won’t think, “Whoa! Fruit. Is he… a produce manager?”

Crappy Convention

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World Toilet Summit. Basically this story is about how ‘Westerners’ are fond of porcelain.
My favorite session:
“Toilets as Tourism Attraction,” by Seok-Nam Gang of the Korea Clean Toilet Association

Since I spend a fair amount of time on the toilette [reading!] I figure I should join some North American Toilettes Used for Reading Annonymously League, or NATURAL for short.

Slang Spelling Bee

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OK, so if you’re reading someone else’s slang writing, can you judge the spelling as incorrect? I’d like to think so. Particularly, I’d like to set forth that the term ‘Homies’ (short for homeboys or boys from the neighborhood I am from) should in no way, or ever, be spelled ‘hommies.’ I think this violates all of the rules of ‘Hooked on Phoenix.’

OK, Class dismissed.