Ironically I’ve been working on a calendar project at work and my schedule is about to get funky. That is to say we’re heading to Indiana tomorrow night and I’ll be away from home until the 30th. This means that I won’t be working (as much – I’ll probably keep checking my work email to keep catastrophe at bay), I’ll be playing and that Indiana better watch out because there will be three and a half Petermans [Petermen?] coming to wreak havoc on what was once a peaceful civilization. Much like the conquistadores we bring horses [read: My Little Ponies], disease [read: an allergy to corn] and strange foreign tradition [read: I have a gas grill and my father-in-law uses charcoal]. However, we’ll have a good time and it is possible that if we have Chinese food my father-in-law and I will [lightly and humorously] argue over how to pronounce “General Tso’s Chicken” Apparently the Chinese built the railroad in the West but never made it to Indiana to integrate with the Indy culture there 😉
Category Archives: Word Play
Scotty Out of Power
CNN.com – James Doohan, ‘Star Trek’s’ Scotty, dead? – Jul 20, 2005
So the famed Scot, who’s famous line, “We need more power captain!” certainly was part of my growing up has reached the end. I hope that where ever he’s been beamed they don’t have the same power issues 😉 Maybe they should consider nuclear in combination with solar.
Ligers, Not Just for Breakfast Any More
Most people were introduced to Ligers by the odd movie Napoleon Dynomite in which Napoleon is drawing a freaky creature that is nothing like the real thing. There are real ligers, and as proof, I present to you a link to this picture. My brother-in-law, Kurt, sent me a few pictures, but they were so sad in size I had to find others. However, there was one that was just hilarious:
You’ll note that there tiger has lost most of its stripes to the lion genes, and that Zena the warrior princess is playing second hand lion in the middle. The man on the left has simply lost his brain and you can see the surgical scars on his still shaven head. And what is Nicholas Cage doing with a baby bottle for a liger?
Care Bear Sensuality and My Age
This evening we were in a Super Target about 5 miles away from our house and I had a really weird experience. Actually, two of them.
First, we were passing a stuffed, talking Care Bear that was a fit’n’fun [or some other name] bear. It actually sang, “Let’s get physical.” What?! I don’t want my nearly three year old daughter walking around my house, our church building, or anywhere singing, “Let’s get physical.” Olivia Newton-John is not on my top ten list of favorite artists either. Does she get royalties for those bears?
Secondly, there were a few bikes for sale at the Super Target that were not locked up. Therefore several young boys took it upon themselves to ride up and down the aisles quickly on the said bicycles. I told them to stop, but they didn’t listen. Then, one of the boys who was chasing the other boy who was riding the bike with a shopping cart finally listened to me saying, “Please stop doing that, it’s not safe.” He found the other boy and said [in the indelible words of Dave Barry, “I am not making this up.”], “The old man over there told us to stop.” I am 27 and will be 28 towards the end of September, but I am not old! I refuse to accept this age discrimination as acceptable behaviour for the youth of America.
Let’s get physical and whip these young lads into shape.
The Insect Formerly Known as Wasp
I got bit by a wasp today. I was getting the long lost lawn mower out of the shed and as I did so the wasps, who had decided my shed was a good place for their home and that I was invading their home. One flew into my shirt and bit me twice before I ripped it off of me [the shirt, and therfore the wasp]. So after dinner I went to Home Depot, bought some wasp killer and then went home and killed the wasps. This of course means that there are fewer White Anglo-Saxon Protestants Web Standards Project Members winged insects in the world, but they are also not biting me.
Oh, and just because I’m a ‘bug killa’ I bought some ant traps as well. The spiders I’ve been breeding just don’t seem to be keeping up.
Cavity Search
I’m off to the dentist this morning. I hope that they don’t find any cavities. That is unless I have cavities, and in that case, I hope they find them. But, as I was saying, I hope there are none in my teeth. I brush my teeth once a month whether they need it or not and I floss every time the dentist/hygenist does it. What more could I need?
Gasp! Actors are Real People!
As this headline points out: Actor Pitt admitted to hospital. Holy Cow! Can you imagine they actually let actors into hospitals for things other than rehab? This is huge news and we all need to get ready to send Brad cards, flowers, and Billy Bob Thornton should send him various pieces of Angelina Jolie’s wardrobe that he’s still hanging onto.
What will we do with sick actors? They will have to take days off from visiting their villas, filming their multi-million dollar movies and generally playing up the hedonistic lifestyle that we imagine they have. Those doctors better hurry up and fix him. Stat!
Iron McChef
To the fine individual, working dutifully on the culinary aspect of the food at the McDonald’s inside DIA,
Thank you for going the extra mile for me while constructing the breakfast sandwich I ordered. I know it is difficult to work under the conditions that are given you in the tiny kitchen at the McDonald’s facilities at DIA, but I know you are thriving in the challenge. Others have failed, but you will succeed.
At first when I opened up the sandwich wrapper and saw that the food appeared cold, mashed to one side and possibly older than the fruit from which my orange juice was de-concentrated. Of course my second thought – and what I believe the truth is – was that you were working on the presentation of this breakfast sandwich. I think that if you were in charge of naming it you would call it the McDeluxe warmed omelet presented in pieces garnished with aged cheddar in a decorative paper wrapper.
I apologize for not taking a picture of this work of art since I know that original pieces of this caliber are probably more rare than people are aware of. Given that most of the food products that are part of the McDonald’s food repertoire are produced to exact specification I recognize that you may have actually been putting your job on the line by being artistic and creative. Fortunately, your work was not misunderstood and I was able to appreciate its quality.
I am in awe.
Holy Percussive Ingenuity Batman!
We just got back from Stomp. As I expected I was impressed. There was a lot of stuff that I remembered from the first show I saw around 6 years ago, but also a lot of fun new stuff – and, since it had been six years there was plenty of time for me to forget some of it so it could be new again. There was a lot more comedy than I recall from before so that was good. I was also good to hear our friends the Kaes laugh as well and I’m sure that Kailey and Trystan are just hungry to start their own Stomp routines.
Good stuff! Definitely worth going to see if they come to your area. Sell and organ if you have to. Organs aren’t as cool as drums anyway 😉
The Sound of Music
So today at lunch I ventured outside (which is rare for me, I live in the basement usually most of the day whilst I code) and took a bike ride to try to get a bit of a tan for next week’s outdoor adventures in Texas. I saw a doe. Unless is was a gay buck, but I digress. How cool is it to see wildlife? I was close to the Cherry Creek Reservoir, so it wasn’t as if the doe was in my front yard.
I asked the doe to please stay where she was at because I found her appealing and attractive. She looked at me and said, “you’re not my type,” and then ran away. I get this reaction from lots of folks so I wasn’t too worried. However, a female counterpart of the humanish species was walking down the street and threw a glass bottle in front of me! She was young, and her parents should probably be jailed for letting her out unsupervised at that age, but she threw it down on the road in front of me. Fortunately it did not break, but I was ready to call the cops and have her hauled to Juvinile Detention for assault and bottlery.
Anyway, I was pleased to see the doe and hope that I see more wildlife on my lunch adventures in the future.