Category Archives: Funny

Goofy, off-the-wall or silly things I might find or think.

You Might Be a Postmodernist if…

Well, I got a strange complement yesterday on the phone talking to my friend Krystal. She had said that one of the elders’ wives had told her she really needed to listen to a recording of the first apologetics class that I’ve been co-teaching with my dad. I said, “Wow, that wasn’t even one of my better prepared classes.” She clarified that the reason she had been told to listen to it was this: that it was hilarious. Apparently instead of preparing people for the contents of the class I was comic relief. Such is life, I suppose it could be worse and people could be warning, “Stay away from that class – Randy’s boring and has no clue whatsoever about anything that comes out of his mouth.”

I’m actually excited about teaching this class because its full of things that I haven’t thought about in a while and I’m re-learning and learning new things about my faith in God and in my understanding of the way the human mind works. Maybe in the future there’ll be some good recordings available as MP3’s on the church website.

Lunch Accident

Today I went to lunch with my friend and former co-worker, Javier. We headed to the nearest Red Robin and were enjoying some french fries when all of the sudden 6 guys from Alt-N (my other former co-workers and Javier’s co-workers) showed up at another table. Doh! Alt-N rocks 🙂

Straight Man

No, that’s not a reference to my sexual orientation, nor is it my new role in a sit-com. Instead it is the fact that today at lunch I played Yahtzee with Jessica and Linda (my mother-in-law) and I rolled 5 large straights and 2 small straights throughout the game. That is a guaranteed recipe for losing. It was so frustrating that I started to scream at the dice and jump up and down, chanting before throwing yet another straight of some sort. If you need a Yahtzee, starting out with 1,2,3,4,5 is not a great plan.

Anyway, it was kinda funny, but really annoying 🙂

December is Looking Good for Evie

I get asked pretty regularly if Evie has decided to come out of Jessica yet. Well, I talked to Evie this morning and she said that December was looking like a good month for her to come out. Jessica and I agreed that this was unacceptable behavior and we’re rooting for ‘by the 25th’ but ‘after the 20th.’ We’re taking bets on whe she comes out. When do you think she’s coming out?

Her Appendage Doth Append

This morning Jessica said, “Randy, feel this.” Which, as I learned in junior high, can be a bad thing. You see, then I was asked to place my hand into a bag, feel something I couldn’t see, and then attempt to tell the person what it was. I was always afraid someone had somehow gotten a wild wolverine to hold still long enough for me to cram my hand into the bag… fortunately that was not a problem this morning. Instead I felt one of Evie’s appendages protruding from Jessica’s belly in a very intense way.

Wow, this baby has got to come out soon.

Happy Anniversary, My Bride!

Today is 7 years for Jessica and I. I was so amazingly anxious, its not even funny. Actually, it’s hilarious to look back on. I was so nervous that I could not iron a shirt I needed to wear after the reception. I drove the shirt over to my parents’ house where my Grandma Martin was at. She ironed it for me. And it was then that she gave me the best sex advice I had gotten at that time: Be a gentleman. She said, “Your grandpa was such a gentleman the night of our honeymoon.” Which sounded like it was going to lead to a conversation that had too much information. However, that’s all she said (and Randy rejoiced for fear of hearing about grandparent sex).

Jessica and I have been through all sorts of crazy stuff since this day seven years ago, but I’ve loved it all because we’ve grown close, together.

News That Doesn’t Matter

One thing that is tough in these, the ‘information age’, days, is filtering out the cruft from the fluff from the actually valuable information. News that makes America or Australia or China or citizens think or react due to its true value. However, news like George W. Bush’s approval rating based on a poll of a small ‘cross-section’ of America is about as useful as a steel toilette seat in an igloo. George is working, vacationing and presidenting through his second and last term. The American people have an opinion about how he’s doing that list of things. So what? Its his second term. If 98% of America didn’t approve of what he was doing, but he was not breaking the law then when his presidency is over – move onto another candidate that we can all love to hate. Saturday Night Live is not going to be changing their mix of jokes any time soon from 60% sexual humor, 35% political humor and 98% stereotypical humor. That means that unless the guy who comes into office next is either
1) Jesus and doesn’t do anything wrong
2) Sleeping with Tina Fey (head writer for Saturday Night Live)
3) Sleeping with Lorn Michaels
4) Actually Dead
They’re going to keep mocking the president. The people will continue to not have a super-duper approval rating for various reasons like not having a chicken in every pot, naving/not having pot in every household, or PETA still in existence. The president’s current approval rating is about as useful for the average news watcher, reader or listener as the Pony Express for Al Gore, who clearly invented the internets for faster communication.

Email

Jessica was instructing Abby to pick up her toys. Abby had dumped out many of the toy bins in her toy shelf.

Abby’s delay tactic was classic, “Mom, why don’t you go check your email?”

It was hard not to laugh out loud at that!

License to Boost

Yesterday as we were pulling out of the garage to head to the doctor’s office Abby exclaimed, “There’s my booster seat!”

I keenly replied, “Drive carefully, booster seat.” We all chuckled and then went on about our way. About 8 minutes later as we were on an overpass heading towards Highway 225 Abby said, “Hey, my booster seat can’t drive, daddy.”

Classic.