Happy Valentines Day. Do try to be romantic the other 364.25 days of the year will you? It can sure help get you practiced up and prepared for the one day of the year that Hallmark expects to be paid for it. Oh, and the jewelry store called and said that the earings you ordered won’t be in until Wednesday, sorry about your luck. I guess its back to foot massages and being nice. 😉
Category Archives: Funny
Know Thine Sausages
Today at lunch Abby looked up at me with her beautiful blue eyes and said with such excitement, “Dad, masali tastes like pepperoni.” Which might as well have been French, Russian or any other language besides some dialect of English at first. I didn’t know what she was talking about until I realized that she was talking about salami, which is a completely different kind of sausage, but at least it was close. Salami doesn’t taste like pepperoni to me, but it is a good tasty sausage, and therefore I enjoyed it during my lunchtime meal.
Jumping the Shark
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Jumped the Shark?” Just in case you haven’t its a reference to the TV show “Happy Days.” In the show the Fonz is water skiing and jumps over a shark. Thus the phrase was used to describe a show that had reached the limit of ‘reality’ and switched to the crazy in an attempt to continue churning out plot lines and story boards.
A couple weeks ago Abby was watching Dora the Exlorer and Dora was on a boat with her friends the map, backpack, boots and Hitler. OK, not with Hitler. They came upon treacherous waters with sharks in them. The whole boat jumped over three sharks.
Wow. I totally lost all respect for Dora. Wait, I don’t think I had any in the first place.
Lina Loves Her Lettuce
I have a friend in Texas that was having a strange conversation via Instant Messaging with another friend in Texas, Lina. Lina loves her lettuce. But not in sandwiches. So here is the MP3 of the song inspired by Lina’s love for lettuce.
Valentine’s Day Warm Up
My sister-in-law Shari tells me I’m a dork for some comment I make 8 out of 10 times that we chat online. One guaranteed story that will surely cause many readers to think that I’m a dork was the smooth move that I made when I first told Jessica that I was attracted to her. I told Jessica that I was attracted to her on Valentines day. I steered the conversation that direction, dropped the ‘bomb’ on her and then, in typical Randy-hates-commitment fashion changed the subject. Two days later I asked her if she would “Go out with me.” She asked her mom.
Basically I have been a horrible romantic my whole adult life [not to indicate that I was a better romantic prior to that]. When I proposed to Jessica I did it at my place of employment. I did it there due to the element of surprise that I believed I had. I bumbled out the proposal words in shear nervousness and even mentioned something about being married to me until death. I mentioned death in my proposal!
Of course I had bigger, more grand plans of proposing on Christmas as the ultimate present but Jessica mentioned earlier that year that she thought that people who proposed on Christmas were goofy. She got that right, I am goofy, even if I chickened out on the Christmas day proposal.
Personality Cult: Rachel Ray
How bad do we have it for the food network in our household? Jessica was told by Abby that she shouldn’t talk to Abby for a while because Abby was on TV like Rachel Ray.
Abby was cutting things (fake things with a fake knife) for a while and talking as she did so and then she stopped and said, “OK, don’t go away, I’ll be right back but we’ve got to take a quick brake.”
I do so hope that she starts picking up on more Alton Brown 😉
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
No, that’s not a Beatles reference. It is what we as parents of Evie say to her over and over again. If we say something and she smiles, then we repeat it, if she smiles again, we repeat it again. I swear she must think we’ve got the smallest vocabulary! When she gets older, she might read this and she’ll say, “Dad, what on earth did you think you were doing?” And I will reply carefully, “Trying our best?” Which won’t cut it because, “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” makes for some pretty lame rock lyrics as well as not much for a baby’s mind to grab onto. Fortunately I have a goatee for her to grab onto instead of words.
Happy Remote Day!
OK, so the company that I work with a lot in Texas, Alt-N, has another employee that will be going ‘remote’ such as I did in 2004. However, they’re having a party for his departure and I was ‘commissioned’ to perform a song for the party (remotely, of course). Here it is in MP3 format: Happy Remote Day!
Splinter
While in Washington [state!] over the holidays I helped install a beautiful wood floor at my in-laws. I got one splinter in my left ring finger tip. That little piece of wood has been in me for more than a month and it has been irritating me. This morning if finally came out of me and it was like a limp noodle when I pulled it out. My body had had enough of its craziness and decided that playing the guitar was way more important than hurting.
Sure, I could have pulled it out earlier, but I’m not a big fan of needles and tweezers digging into my flesh for a small piece of wood. Heck, it wouldn’t even help start a fire let alone be worth doing anything else but throwing away! So, I just let my body do its thing until they come out. Yes, I could get an infection and lose my finger. Yes, I could have the splinter work its way through my body and come out of my head 30 years down the road. But most of the time, to my knowledge, my body just rejects them and pushes them back out.
And I’m OK with that.
Ye Olde Footballe
Today I had a brief party at my house wherein we watched some [American] football and consumed food. The food was good, I’ve had better football. The Denver Broncos, our home team, played so well that they gave a great demonstration of what not to do, while the Pittsburg Steelers (where, apparently I have some family heritage. No, not in steel, but Pittsburg) rocked the socks off of the locals. Yes, it was much like beating a dead horse.
Then, to make sure that my brother-in-law and his wife would have a good laugh saying, “Seattle is better than Denver,” the Seattle Seahawks spanked the Carolina Panthers. That is to say that the Panthers lost even worse than the Broncos. I didn’t know that two teams could be in the playoffs and have their playing be so off! Hey, at least the Colts, where my father-in-law is from, Indianapolis, weren’t playing… then it would be like a family feud, and we can’t have that.
Oh, and the Broncos did have a severe disadvantage this game: they hadn’t lost any other home game this season which put them at a near absolute situation where they would lose. I blame statistics and not the fact that Jake Plummer threw two interceptions and fumbled – its all in the numbers.