This afternoon I saw a twitter message from PWilson (Peter Wilson) regarding a rough day counseling a couple.  Then at Bible Study we went over I John 4:8-12.  As we hit verse 10 it hit me like a charging pachyderm that counseling a couple (or individual) in sin may just need to start over at the beginning.  It is our tendency to start counseling in the middle of the problem.  Start by making sure that everyone knows how everyone feels.  The problem is that its the middle of the problem.

To start correctly you need to start at the beginning: are both parties believers?  If that’s a no then you’re going to have to address that first.  I will let the counselor figure out how to deal with presenting the gospel as the core issue in the case of an unequally yoked couple.  After establishing the salvation of both people the next and most important question is this: do they both know who they are in Christ?  If the believer doesn’t understand who they are in Christ then its very, very easy to only see who they are in the flesh [Romans 1 looks really different from Romans 5].  Go over the Unfathomable riches in Christ (AKA The 34 things) with the couple.

Propitiation is the term used to describe the accomplishment of Christ’s work on the cross from God’s perspective.  From our perspective we’re saved and redeemed.  From God’s perspective His righteousness is satisfied through the totally adequate work of Christ on the cross.  If that sounds familiar it is because Grace can be defined as the unlimited, unmerited blessings of God through the totally adequate work of Christ on the cross.

The fundamental question that the believer must ask when confronted with the sin of himself, herself, or others is this: if God is satisfied that the sin has been paid for, why am I still focused on it?  It isn’t that sin doesn’t hurt, but it is that the penalty for the sin has been paid for.  The flesh wants to look at the flesh, but the Holy Spirit calls us to look to the heavenlies for a God-centric focus [see: Colossians 3:1-4].  The past cannot be changed, but it can be paid for – is it?  Sins can be confessed, forgiveness can be asked – has it been asked for?  Did God forgive it? Why can’t I?

Believers have to be given the key to walking without sin.  Counseling unto reconciliation is awesome, but if you take them that far you need to walk with them until they recognize that they must continue to set their mind on things above so that they can be free from the bondage of sin through reckoning [See Romans 5-6, specifically 5:21, 6:11].  Reckoning isn’t a psychological game you play, it is the recognition that having been identified with Christ’s death, burial, resurrection, ascension and seating (Ephesians 2:5-6, Colossians 3:3).

I have talked with two specific elders who do counseling at our church and they both have shared this concept with me, but it was the sequence of Peter Wilson and I John today that spurred me to put this to written form.  Two marriages, that I know of, have been resolved, restored, and grow in Grace to this day because of the principles outlined above.  I hope that this might be helpful for you, Peter and the entire body of Christ.