Category Archives: Confessions

Things about me you probably never wanted or don’t need to know.

Confession

I’m in love with my wife.

I know you know that she knows I love her, but I just had to tell everyone. Again. She’s the (blonde) bomb(shell) that I always dreamed of except Jessica has brains, a tender heart and an obsession with whether or not her pants make her butt look big. I should have been dreaming of the brains and tender heart, but when you’re a young adolescent your priorities are often screwed up by your hormones.

Jessica works so hard to keep Abby growing, maturing and learning. She keeps the house up (as much as one can with a crazy, cute two year old running about shreaking, "Here I come!"), she makes great food, she likes great food when we go out and she knows just how to tickle my fancy.

I’m a blessed guy 🙂

When I was glowing…

The essay that follows is historical, that is to say I wrote it not many weeks or months after getting married. It is satire to say the least.

When I was glowing from having captured the heart of my now-wife, I had no idea what I was getting into. I asked her to be married to me till we were dead and she shrieked her excited response. I was happy, she was happy, the future was a little brighter, heck it was a lot brighter, it glowed like the sun and sparkled like the ring I bought her and struggled to get on her finger. It was one of those nice backdrops they put down on the stage in the movies – you know, the fake ones – there was a cement wall behind it.

I thought we’d be so far advanced in our planning that nothing would go wrong. I forgot that three VERY strong willed women would be merging together to plan the worlds best looking, cheap-o wedding. We’d have it all…for less. And for the glory set before him he endured the crossed lines, changed minds and bickering. All the while smiling and holding his petite bride back from adding to the heavily girded opinions of the checkbook-wielding warrior-queens. Zina never met my mother’s budget.

Then there was the innocent bystanders who were of course invited to the wedding, they invited themselves. They had to come because even though I saw them once a year, or less, and we were such good friends, they had to come (What could be more natural). They feigned concern, and asked, "Are you nervous?" No, but I was really getting tired of that question. There is only one question more annoying and that is the one when they asked for the invitation that I hadn’t sent them.

Speaking of invitations, they were beautiful and were perfect and they were expensive. They had inside them an envelope that requested that they respond… I say that they had them only because I saw them. People didn’t use them mind you. Maybe it was because the little stamp on the back was not a good enough reason to use them, my guess is that there was a burden too heavy to bare in putting their yes or no check an the right line and then [gasp] [at this point in time I would add dramatic music but since this is not a dynamic Microsoft (c) multimedia presentation, You can just start humming. Preferably the Phantom of the Opera theme.][Sorry for the interruption, I was just saying that checking the line was hard and then…] actually applying your tongue to the envelope. I understand that this may be hazardous to your health and you may receive a paper cut and then your tongue swell up in your mouth and you may die from it, but the chances are way too slim for that.

Once we actually got to the ‘Big Day’ it was alright. There is an annoying tradition that goes:’the said bride may not see the said groom and vise-versa.’ Chalk one up for the old that’s-the-way-we-have-always-done-it folks (While you’re at it why don’t you chalk one up for the we-use-all-the-hyphens-we-can folks). This made my day twice as long as it should have been. And to make matters worse we had an evening wedding. This is not all bad except that it has no good side to it. First you have to wait all day long to get it over with. Second, afterwards you get to be with a bunch of people, who all have never seen or heard a better wedding ceremony in their lives, for what seems like the rest of your life. Third you get to be up really late, you’re tired from not sleeping the night before, and now you have to put on the "I’m alert awake and ready to be married" look so your spouse thinks that you’re ready to "do married things." Granted, this can be exciting, but I’d say that if it wasn’t the next morning before you’re alone you’d have a better chance to be relaxed and comfortable together.

So before you get married, please read the instructions [the Bible] and have a good wedding day, you’re only supposed to get one.

On the Phone, Again.

I just got off the phone with my brother Ed. I am so blessed to be his brother in Christ and in familial relation. I just had to share that with you so you’d be jealous 🙂 I’ve got a great family and am proud to be a member, even if we’re all really weird in one way or another.

I Have a Problem

Matt writes that milk gives him a pretty serious feeling of time passing.

You know, my daughter will be 2 tomorrow and she drinks so much milk (my wife insists it is good for her, something about strong bones and lots of calcium) and so the milk never spoils before we drink it. But like a smoker with smoking, it’s hard for me to quit looking at the date when I buy it. Does that make me a milk dater? 🙂

[later at my MDA meeting]
"My Name is Randy Peterman and I date milk."
"Good Randy, admitting you have a problem is the first step"
"It’s just so hard! If I don’t check the date I lie awake at night thinking: Don’t cry over spoiled milk. It’s just no use."

I have a problem.

Mozilla’s Event Model

If you’re working on implementing event handling in Mozilla you might run into the problem that I do: You are used to Internet Explorer’s event model. However, the best method I’ve found for handling things is to just attach events to the objects via the DOM. Otherwise you might be like me and go bald trying it the hard way.

Worth the Sacrifice

Jessica made a tray of Chocolate Chip Cookie Bars a couple days ago. I really didn’t want her to because I knew that she’d ask me to eat them so that she wouldn’t. Being a gal concerned about her weight she doesn’t want to eat too many sweets. Well, as the batch of treats got older (by minutes and hours) she continued to ask me to make the sacrifice and finish them off so that she would not have them there to tempt her. This morning I took the plunge and ate the last cookie bar and am glad to have helped my wife in her battle to stay young, fit and trim.

I think this is the call that many men are not strong enough to accept – eating chocolate chip cookie things. When your partner asks you to buck-up lay your gut on the line and consume more sugar than any person should have in a month to help them out, you need to do it. Part of manliness is about serving your partner and protecting her watching out for evil men who have bad intentions, even if those men are the Keebler Elves [shown with WMD].

Stuck in My Head

I have songs stuck in my head and they keep looping and looping and looping and looping and looping and looping and looping and looping and looping… well, you get the idea. The problem is that they’re not pop songs, rock songs or even polka songs, they’re kids songs. Songs from Abby’s CD’s, Banana Phone, the Arthur theme song – basically songs that I don’t choose to listen to voluntarily.

Pray for my sanity as I may start needing potty training again 😉

White Castle Update Update Update

I’m thinking that the title of this post reminds me too much of 1984 with the double-speak where they had trimmed the ‘government publishing language’ down to 140 words (I don’t remember exactly how many). If you wanted to write a negative statement you would say ‘good good’ where repetition negated the original positive meaning into a negative and bad meaning. That being said, rest assured that this morning I was still sad that I ate White Castle 🙂

White Castle Update Update

OK, so after about 3 hours I’ve been assimilated and now I must eat White Castle all the time. I think I will buy one every day I love them they’re great. I think they’re better than Chipotle or Ruth’s Chris… NOT! I am chewing gum because the intense smell of my burps makes this really a bad plan for me to repeat it.

In the end I can now say that I have been there, done that and bought the Peptobismol.

White Castle Update

I ate two (2) White Castle (Motto: “It’s what you crave”) Burgers today (Reality: “It’s what passes for edible for this cheap”). It was everything I expected: yuck. I ate two because I wanted to give them a chance. Also, as Trint mentioned in my comments for the first post, there is very little substance to these ‘burgers’. They’re more like mini burgers that they serve at the Cheesecake Factory (CF) except you don’t mind eating the ones at the CF. The smell in the car (I got them ‘to go’) made all of my passengers complain.

My father-in-law, John, suggests that I will still be tasting these ‘burgers’ in 5 hours. I’ll let you know (I added too many parenthetical statements to this post).