Category Archives: Confessions

Things about me you probably never wanted or don’t need to know.

Thankful Thursday: My Mom

Sure, this one probably seems like an easy one given its proximity to Mothers Day. However, I’ve been thinking about motherhood (as much as I probably can’t fathom it) and I think its pretty terrific that my mom was there as we were kids kissing our boo-boos, kicking our butts and making us tons of food. Sure, the food may seem like a superficial thing, but I recall as a teenager being able to eat more food than was probably sane. Here are a few funny stories involving my mom being a comforter, a corrector, and a cook:

Comforter

When I was about 14 or so my dad took us up the Virginia City truck route which was a 6 mile long windy road with cliffs at parts and gravel on oil pavement. The perfectly safe place to bring us given that when we weren’t under his supervision on our bicycles we were probably out in fields that had barbed wire strewn about them. Rusty barbed wire. But I digress. As I mentioned we had our bicycles with us because the purposes of these trips up the truck route were to bomb down them at insane speeds with as little use of the breaks as possible. I crashed multiple times on these rides, but one of them was a doozy. I was going about 35-40 miles per hour on my BMX bike (smaller 20″ tire kids bike) when the collar nut that keeps the handle bars and front forks synchronized became loose. My front tire started to wobble back and forth and my bike began to swerve. As happens when I’m involved with things the bike crashed. I scraped and rolled across the pavement stopping a few feet away from the edge of the cliff I was riding next to. Like all but the toughest of people I cried. My dad loaded up the bikes and drove us home with me bleeding all over the suburban and my clothes.

When we arrived home my mom carefully picked gravel from my arms and side (thank God I was wearing a helmet) and helped wash out my wounds. That was pretty awesome considering that I should probably have been taught a lesson about being a stupid stunt bicyclist.

[note: my dad was a good dad, too, but that’s another post.  We begged for him to take us up the truck route.]

Correcting (That’ll Learn Ya!)

One winter my cousin Norman was up with us in Carson City and we had a good freeze. The three of us (Norm, Ed and I) went for a walk and discovered that the ice on top of the Carson river was fun to crack and break through. Sure, our feet got wet but the destructive nature of what we were doing was much more fun than the water was cold. After walking up literally one half a mile of the river’s edge stomping through ice our feet were incredibly cold. Colder than the heart of even the most evil politician. Yes, it felt about -40 degrees (which is the same in Celcius & Fahrenheit) in our legs and feet. OK, I admit it: evil politicians are probobaly colder than that.

We called my mom from a pay phone in the middle of the park that we were in and asked her to come collect us. No such luck. If we were crazy enough to walk in a frozen river for that long we could walk home, too. The whole quarter of a mile or so to our house we all grumbled and fussed about how mean my mom was for making us face the consequences of our actions. When we got home we asked her to kind run us a hot, hot bath. We needed the hot bath to warm us up. As some of you may know and be chuckling about already cold body parts don’t like really hot water because the temperature difference is so severe that it literally feels like burning. My mom gladly ran a hot bath for us to take turns using.

Much shrieking was heard as all three of us in order discovered that this hot bath was not the solution to our problem. Lesson learned. Mission accomplished.

Cooking

My mom was a better cook than we let on with all of our grumbling. If mom made anything but Spaghetti or hamburgers we’d gripe because our pickiness knew very few bounds. Mom would make large quantities of food to feed us and our friends, hoping that there might be left-overs so that the next day my dad would have a more complex lunch than rice cakes and such (he’s gluten intolerant as well as allergic to corn & various other grains). Mom, even when she wasn’t cooking for us, would buy foods that we could cook for ourselves. She bought huge quantities of frozen burritos. While that may sound like a bad thing, consider that I would eat one for lunch (we lived a few blocks from the High School my brother and I attended), one before going to work in the afternoons, and my brother would also participate.

Mom fed us food, shopped for food for us, and even taught us a thing or two about cooking so that when we moved out of the house we lived out of microwaves and fast food containers.

Thanks Mom!

Why Won’t the Toilet Won’t Work

Abby came in asking me, “Why won’t the Toilet won’t work?” Which of course was a double negative. Everything my mother trained me to react with (correction) was held back because the last thing I needed to do was confuse Abby with why her potty was or wasn’t flushing. The not flushing lead to me lifting the lid off the top of the commode. Wow! Abby was very impressed with the inner workings of the toilet. I can remember the same wonder of how a toilet worked. Previously it had been magic, but then it became mechanics… mechanical parts to be played with.

I hope Abby doesn’t want to not not play with the toilet [I’m so clever].

Dancing with the Stars: I Love My Children

I danced last night with Abigial to the soundtrack of whatever was playing on dancing with the stars.  I think the judges would have kicked us off the show for our out of control, wacky, jerky and impromptu movements.  Abby laughed over and over so I figured that our ‘dancing’ was doing the trick.  Jessica, our only judge gave us a ten each time, to which Abby responded by either bowing or raising her hands in victory.  I even scored a victory peck on the lips.  Its good to dance with a child star like Abby because she really throws herself into it.  I just have to catch her.

Because I’m Insensitive Like That

So today I had the privelege of leading the church service. I went through the announcements and prayer requests in the bulletin and then asked if anyone had any other prayer requests. One of the gentlemen said, “Bud [lastname withheld to protect the innocent].” Which made me ask Bud, who was sitting in another pew, what was going on. He replied, “They think I’m too skinny.”

So I said, “You’re going for the super model look, eh? You’re going to be on America’s Next Top Senior Model?”

Yes, I was on a microphone amplified throughout the building. Apparently I am missing that part of the brain that hinders my mouth from spouting out humor at the expense of the elderly.

**Oh, and for the record: Bud has a good sense of humor and thought it was funny.**

Thankful Thursday: Frenz

I’m grateful for my friends.  I’ve got friends around the world and its pretty humbling that people would be in any way interested in my life.  I find that people still want to talk to me even though I’m a complete nut case 😀  What’s even more amazing is that my friends look out for me at times, pray for me many times, joke with me and put up with my wacky sense of humor.  I’m thankful for you folks – its an honor to have you call me friend.

This Post Contains Too Much Information

I mentioned a few days back that I was having some medical issues. This post is going to outline those issues and I’m also going to keep a running tab within this post to outline exactly what I’ve got, what my symptoms are, and what I’m going to be doing about my medical problem. To keep you from throwing up in your mouth by revealing it all here its going to require you to click the ‘more’ link to see the rest of the post. As a legal disclaimer I wanted to state that this is my own blogging of my own experience and should not be considered medical advice. Don’t sue me if you read this, use some of the ideas in here and it doesn’t work for you.

Continue reading →

Crying Myself in Circles

This morning we went to the zoo to have some family time and to get out of the house.  At the zoo there is a carousel.  Upon installing Abby upon a black panther (the feline mammal and not the ethnically oriented militant, political group as you might have suspected) I noticed how big she was getting.  She’s not my little baby girl any more, she’s turning into a girl, soon to be followed by teenage girl and so forth.  I said to Abby, “You sure are getting big.”

Abby replied, “I sure am going to miss you when I get married, dad.”  I began holding back as many tears as I could in the manliest fashion possible.

Thankful Thursday

Our friends the Mason’s have been going through an ever-delayed adoption process.  Every time they think they’re close the Chinese government appears to delay things.  Louanne had borrowed from her friend the title, “Thankful Thursdays.”  But it got me thinking: this blog needs more thanks.  Much, much more thanks.  So today I’m going to start my own ‘Randy Gets Thankful” post.  If this were a blogging Meme think about how much better Thursdays might be if we had more than Lost-Vivor to look forward to in our scheduled reading time.

This week I’m going to be thankful for my health.  I’m going through some irritating medical issues at present and when it all comes down to it, my problems aren’t fatal and I’m not going through cancer treatments or worse.  My wife is understanding and supportive and my girls are often snuggly.  My extended family is just as supportive and they pray for me and chide me about things periodically keeping things real, but with an eternal perspective.  I’m thankful for my family!

My Very Own Disenfranchised State of Mental Being

I realized something about myself this morning.  I realized that I am a disenfranchised individual.  Unlike some franchises I cannot join with money or a change of sexual preference.  Nope, I’m a white boy who cannot, for the life of himself, get the rhythm he so wants.  I’m not a Republican or a Democrat because no party specifically embodies what I believe and behold.  I cannot, at present, be part of the long-beard franchise.  In no uncertain terms do I want to be part of the Fedora Hat franchise.  I’m not fond of being extreme in a political manner because I find that being extreme in any direction besides passive gets me connected to franchises I don’t want to be part of.  As a Christian I’m a non-denominationalist, which is to say I’m not part of any brand/breed/franchise of Christianity.

I do however want to point out that I shouldn’t be affiliated with the disenfranchised because that may have some sort of weird side effects I can’t afford.