This evening Jessica and I joined Brian and Jillia and Brian’s brother and sister-in-law at Coor’s Field to watch the Rockies trounce the Dodgers (in inning 5) 11 to 1. It was like watching a baseball game except that instead of both teams playing it seamed that the Dodgers were on vacation and look-alikes were sent to pretend to play baseball. Actually, from the nose bleed seats we had, they could have been look-alikes and we’d not have known it.
Our nose bleed seats were so cheap that I can’t complain because if I did… I would be a bigger loser than the Dodgers. They were $1.00 each. That’s cheap. What was bad is that in the nose bleed seats there was lots of room for us to pick and choose since the actual seats we were assigned were 6 of thousands that were not being used. We sat in a row with no one else sitting there and just had a ourselves a good time watching the game. There were lots of empty seats to either rows above or below us. However, the Redneck Pharisees came and were quick to note that we were sitting in one of their purchased seats. So we moved. I point out that they were Pharisees because the Pharisees in the Bible were very legalistic and loved abiding by every rule so as long as they got their way 🙂 We weren’t trying to cheat, we were simply watching a baseball game and happened to sit in one seat that was theres – so we moved down two seats just to make sure they had room. One was dressed like a white rapper. Or what I would assume a white rapper might look like who was trying to look like a gangsta rapper who was scrawny… and white. The fake gold chains and the bandana underneath the camoflage hat were priceless. I need to get a camera phone so that I can document these things when I see them. They’re truly fantastic.
Then, during the game a Rocky was tagged out at third base. This caused the Redneck Pharisees to lose their minds as they screamed at the umpire for making a bad call. I don’t know about you, but when I’m hundreds of feet away (my guess is 300 or more – 91.44+ meters for the Metric folks) I don’t get too picky about the ornate details of things transpiring at said distance away from me. In fact, I’d let the umpire, who’s trained and standing within 10 feet of the base, make the call. However, this was totally unacceptable. I thought we might get the other seat back from them they were so chapped, however, they persisted in watching the game. While they persisted to watch the game they commented to one another about how pregnant Jessica looked. Brilliant.
The Redneck Pharisees have either not seen a short pregnant woman, or they wanted to make poor judgment calls of their own. Let me tell you that you shouldn’t constantly point out to a woman who is pregnant how big she looks. Don’t compare her to other pregnant women, don’t compare her to a whale, a super-model or anything else. Don’t compare her to her pre-pregnancy weight… don’t talk about it. Let her pregnancy belly be the 800 pound gorilla in the room that we’re all not talking about. It will be better for you.
We left in the 7th inning because it was obvious that the Dodgers hadn’t shown up for the game – we’d eaten our fill of $6.00 hot-dogs and drank enough $5.00 sodas [one, for the record]. So we left and picked up the Abigator from my parents. The Redneck Pharisees were climbing all over the seats to not have to walk down the isle in front of us since their seats that they were so desperate to claim were in the middle of the row… it was time to move on – so we did.
Good times. Thanks Brian and Jillia, Steve and Nicky and the whole slew of people that found doing the wave during the game was more fun than watching actually live out their namesake verb: dodging the ball instead of catching it and tagging people out.