London,
We feel for you. I’ll continue to pray for you and the people there. I hope they find the culprates [since these latest bombings don’t appear to be suicide bombers] and toast their manacles.
Monthly Archives: July 2005
Simethicone Implants
I have found the cure to one of the world’s largest problems! But first let me explain that simethicone is not like silicone. I don’t suggest that people looking to enhance their bossoms ask about getting simethicone implants. That would be, um, counter productive. However, some guys and gals deal with gas. Lots of it. Larger than normal amounts of gas. It can be embarrasing. So instead of getting products like the Flat-D that merely remove the odor of gas why don’t doctors do simethicone implants?
The doctor could go in with a minor surgery, insert a simethicone implant into the gastrointestinal tract and voila! Not as much gas. I’m sure they’ll be all the rage. Some men may suddenly find that women don’t flee when they enter the room. Women will want their husbands to get this so that they may sleep in the same room again. I swear this is going to be a medical breakthrough 😉
Free/Busy
Ironically I’ve been working on a calendar project at work and my schedule is about to get funky. That is to say we’re heading to Indiana tomorrow night and I’ll be away from home until the 30th. This means that I won’t be working (as much – I’ll probably keep checking my work email to keep catastrophe at bay), I’ll be playing and that Indiana better watch out because there will be three and a half Petermans [Petermen?] coming to wreak havoc on what was once a peaceful civilization. Much like the conquistadores we bring horses [read: My Little Ponies], disease [read: an allergy to corn] and strange foreign tradition [read: I have a gas grill and my father-in-law uses charcoal]. However, we’ll have a good time and it is possible that if we have Chinese food my father-in-law and I will [lightly and humorously] argue over how to pronounce “General Tso’s Chicken” Apparently the Chinese built the railroad in the West but never made it to Indiana to integrate with the Indy culture there 😉
Scotty Out of Power
CNN.com – James Doohan, ‘Star Trek’s’ Scotty, dead? – Jul 20, 2005
So the famed Scot, who’s famous line, “We need more power captain!” certainly was part of my growing up has reached the end. I hope that where ever he’s been beamed they don’t have the same power issues 😉 Maybe they should consider nuclear in combination with solar.
Ligers, Not Just for Breakfast Any More
Most people were introduced to Ligers by the odd movie Napoleon Dynomite in which Napoleon is drawing a freaky creature that is nothing like the real thing. There are real ligers, and as proof, I present to you a link to this picture. My brother-in-law, Kurt, sent me a few pictures, but they were so sad in size I had to find others. However, there was one that was just hilarious:
You’ll note that there tiger has lost most of its stripes to the lion genes, and that Zena the warrior princess is playing second hand lion in the middle. The man on the left has simply lost his brain and you can see the surgical scars on his still shaven head. And what is Nicholas Cage doing with a baby bottle for a liger?
Embarassed By Humor
Last night when I went to the post office, which is where I saw the stamps I linked to earlier, I was wearing my ‘No Smorking’ t-shirt from engrish.com. The gal who helped me at the post office was kind and quite nice about helping me with my special delivery. Then she asked about the shirt. I was slightly embarassed because she was Oriental, spoke broken English (though it was understandable) and had been so nice. Sometimes I forget that what is humorous to us crass Americans can be rather rude.
If You Mail in the United States
If you send mail in the United States make sure that you race, run or crawl on all fours to buy these Muppet stamps.
They come out in September on the 28th.
The Pordcast Hits iTunes
If you’ve got iTunes 4.9 then you can subscribe to podcasts from within iTunes [get the latest iTunes 4.9]. This means that when a new Pordcast, or any other podcast, is released iTunes will download it and get it ready for you to play.
If you’ve got iTunes installed click here to subscribe.
Care Bear Sensuality and My Age
This evening we were in a Super Target about 5 miles away from our house and I had a really weird experience. Actually, two of them.
First, we were passing a stuffed, talking Care Bear that was a fit’n’fun [or some other name] bear. It actually sang, “Let’s get physical.” What?! I don’t want my nearly three year old daughter walking around my house, our church building, or anywhere singing, “Let’s get physical.” Olivia Newton-John is not on my top ten list of favorite artists either. Does she get royalties for those bears?
Secondly, there were a few bikes for sale at the Super Target that were not locked up. Therefore several young boys took it upon themselves to ride up and down the aisles quickly on the said bicycles. I told them to stop, but they didn’t listen. Then, one of the boys who was chasing the other boy who was riding the bike with a shopping cart finally listened to me saying, “Please stop doing that, it’s not safe.” He found the other boy and said [in the indelible words of Dave Barry, “I am not making this up.”], “The old man over there told us to stop.” I am 27 and will be 28 towards the end of September, but I am not old! I refuse to accept this age discrimination as acceptable behaviour for the youth of America.
Let’s get physical and whip these young lads into shape.
The Insect Formerly Known as Wasp
I got bit by a wasp today. I was getting the long lost lawn mower out of the shed and as I did so the wasps, who had decided my shed was a good place for their home and that I was invading their home. One flew into my shirt and bit me twice before I ripped it off of me [the shirt, and therfore the wasp]. So after dinner I went to Home Depot, bought some wasp killer and then went home and killed the wasps. This of course means that there are fewer White Anglo-Saxon Protestants Web Standards Project Members winged insects in the world, but they are also not biting me.
Oh, and just because I’m a ‘bug killa’ I bought some ant traps as well. The spiders I’ve been breeding just don’t seem to be keeping up.