Rating*

Must See:

0.1

Plot:

0.01

Acting:

0.2

Dialog:

0.1

Production:

0.25

Effects:

0.2

You need to see this movie.
No really, you have to see this movie.
In fact if you do see this movie it will fulfill all your desires.

It will fulfill all of your desires if you desire the following:

• No plot
• Senseless killing
• Rather bad acting
• Stupid spy names
• To waste time
• Seeing an actress with tallent (Lucy Liu) get cast for a movie that she was way better than
• Synchronized car dancing (two cars spiraling in opposite directions over another car)
• Beluga whales as a background for a ‘romantic reunion’
• Swat teams, specially trained specialists mind you, get totally whipped and killed by a single woman (Liu again)
• Antonio Banderas fly like Peter Pan and then mash into the grown, and not get severly injured
• Antonio Banderas get crushed completely by steel pipes from one angle and yet be able to spin around and shoot someone when the camera changes angles
• Antonio Banderas pick police handcuffs with a paperclip
• Antonio Banderas blow large train cars up and cause HUGE billowing fire that would cause disgusting amounts of heat and walk away unscathed
• ‘Trained spies’ or agents run through a train yard like their training consisted of mimicking lab rats running through a maze
• Funding Hollywood pyrotechnics specialists’ kids’ college
• Living in your parents basement until you’re 35 and then, moving in with your friend and starting a worm farm

OK, you really should avoid it.

-Randy

Footnotes

* Ratings are from 0 to 1, this is a fractional scale. Odds are You won’t see me ever give a ‘1.0’ on any occasion, however, it could happen.