The Brothers Grimm Beats Eks Vs. Sever

However, its not much better. This movie had potential. However, however… blah, blah, blah. Don’t go see it. Save your money for something else. It’s dark, only sort of intense, and the transformer/werewolf thing was a weird-wolf. The rapunzel witch looks like she dated Yoda when they were both several hundred years younger.

Sorry, I’d put more energy into this review, but its not worth it. Just don’t go see it. Listen to me, the reviewers on rottentomatoes.com and your wallet: you have better things to do with your currency.

Life Aquatic

We didn’t actually get to finish watching this movie. However, we didn’t want to. The DVD had more scratches than a rap album [wow, that was a lame comparison, sorry]. We kept waiting for it to take off, especially given the names on the casting list. After trying to clean the disc several times we concluded it could also be our DVD player, but I wasn’t ready to go run out and buy one tonight.

The acting on the movie was weak at best, Owen Wilson’s ‘accent’ was so fake I thought I was watching a mockumentary. Actually, I sort of was, but the funny lines died short of funny and the not funny lines didn’t carry anything. On top of that there was a topless gal in a few scenes which surprised us. I suppose they just missed the boat on this one.

It gets a one-third swordfish rating… whatever that means.

Review of Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, the Movie

Tonight we saw Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I recently finished the book so the original story line was relatively fresh in my mind. There are lots of parts in the book that caused me to chuckle as well as interesting philosophical bits. Don’t worry, most of what was philosophical in the book does not come out in the movie. Most reviews I read before going to see the movie said the same thing. Therefore, if you have read the book, have seen the movie and still thought the movie was great, you’re in the minority.

Jessica and I both agreed that it was heavy on British influence and short on the sort of humor that was in the book. This is mostly because the book is written in a narrative fashion and the movie is given to you in third person form, but without most of the narrative bits that caused the funny parts to be really funny in the book. I suppose the closest way to describe it is the difference between reading a Far Side comic on Sunday morning and having someone try to describe a Far Side you’ve not seen (shame on you for not seeing every Far Side). It is possible for you to understand a part of the comic, but often you have to see the original to ‘get it.’ Don’t Panic.

Mos Def is a rather humorous fellow and he cracked me up in various bits I’ve seen him in in the past. However, in this movie he plays a white bread, bland character. I think I’d compare this to having had really good root beer and then someone offers you some of that good root beer, but when it arrives you discover it’s been sitting out all night: it’s flat and doesn’t have a fraction of the flavor. Don’t Panic.

OK, that’s enough of the analogies that you don’t need. I just had to put that in there because frankly, this movie shows up like a car with… wait… I’m not going to finish that [its pink flamingos missing]. The book has so many non-sequiter type jokes, asides, strange pointers to things in a different light and blatant abuses of normal ‘earthly logic’ that you have to laugh or at least be surprised by the creativity. The movie is short on that creativity. Don’t Panic.

I’d like to say that the flying that Arthur does in the books is a fun, welcome adventure that they chose to ignore while making this movie. For goodness sake: “Fly, you fools [a line from the Lord of the Ring’s movie “Fellowship of the Ring”, Gandolf says it before falling into the abyss].” I think that instead of the whale and petunias falling I’d have chosen to put in some of the other bits in the book. I also would have cut out John Malcovich. He’s not funny (in this movie, or frankly any other movie I’ve seen him in), his character adds nothing to the movie, and his addition to the plot line makes for not much. In fact, the one thing he’s supposed to add (coordinates to a planet) puts a major contradiction into the movie: if the improbability drive cannot be controlled (and its destination not set) as is said early in the movie then having the coordinates that John M. provides will do no good. Start Worrying.

That’s enough picking the movie apart. There’s a few funny parts that caused us to laugh and at one point in the movie all of the people in the theater were laughing except for the girl in the back who’s face and lips were busy being awefully close to the face and lips of her boyfriend… and his laughter at that point put her quite out. I didn’t know what to do with the juicer on Zaphod’s head for a good portion of the film… I guess the lemons were reflective of the movie as a whole. Panic.

On a scale between zero and 3 teaspoons I would say this movie was about a one teaspoon for humor:teaspoon
Half a teaspoon for acting
teaspoon
And 1/3 teaspoon for plotz-line
teaspoon
The “Don’t see this or you’ll nearly die” warning is nowhere near the low of “Ballistic: Eks Verses Sever“, but is closer to Eddie Murphy and Owen Wilson in “I Spy.” You’ll survive, but I don’t recommend the Vogon Poetry. Run for the Hills.

If you’re looking for a more positive review, check out this one.

The Incredibles DVD’s

I picked up the Incredibles DVD at Target Tuesday night so that I could be one of 5 million people who bought one that day. I think that this movie is just a fun movie, though I haven’t watched the DVD’s yet. I did spend a few minutes this morning with Abby watching some of the extras. Pixar is just a smart company with smart people making smart, yet entertaining movies. You should pick it up if you haven’t already, you’ll want to share this with others, your kids, your spouse, friends and complete strangers. It’s just good clean fun.

Napoleon Dynamite Part II

OK, so I watched this movie again tonight with my family and it’s better the second time. Most movies lose something in repetition, this one got better. I laughed a lot and then saw the wedding scene after the credits. I have to say that the cow vs. shotgun bit is still one of my favorite parts, but mostly because it left so much to my imagination.

If you can rent this to watch it twice, preferably with others who have seen it and can laugh ahead with you.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

So last night I watched this movie with my friend Brian, it was a really freaky movie along the lines of Memento, and possibly sort of like the Matrix if you just count the philosophical parts and no action and no special effects, though there was some special effect work done. It had Jim Carrey being serious, Kate Winslet not hanging off of the front of a boat, and Elijah Wood standing the same height as everyone else. It also had the main male role from 13 going on 30 as well as Kirsten Dunst whom we all know from Spider-Man one and two.

This movie is really weird because they play part of the end at the beginning, and then fill inthe middle, play past the part they played in the beginning and then finish the movie with the end. I appreciate a movie with an ending at the end, it makes a sense of completion possible. I will warn you that Jim Carrey is not overtly funny in this film and that the language, while being English, is full of words that parents don’t want their children to hear or use, and that if used any more than it was in this movie falls over the line of bad script writing. In other words, there’s a lot of prophanity in this movie and you shouldn’t see it if hearing it throws you into a fit of vomitting, temporary memory loss or back pain. Women under 30 should consult a physician before taking this… whoops! I got way off track.

I really liked the moral of the movie because it was that if you’re meant to be with someone you’ll be with them no matter what. However, 95% of the people who leave the theater, or finish watching the DVD, will not be thinking that. Carrey is serious in this movie. Really. Don’t come looking for an Ace Ventura, Bruce Almighty, or The Mask. Don’t come looking for The Majestic either, because this is not filled with the feel good stuff at the end.

The idea behind the movie is that a doctor in the area can erase memories from your mind. By the end of the movie a lot of memories are erased from a lot of minds leading to catastrophe. However, a majority of the movie is played out in Jim’s mind where he [some description that would totally spoil the movie if you were to watch it].

So, how do I rate this movie after rambling on so long with great discontinuity? On a scale from 1 to 13, with 13 being the best, I’d give it a 9. It’s above average, but due to some graphic scenes, vulgar language and silly kissing from Kursten Dunst, it can’t be a 13.