Category Archives: The Obvious

The things that are so obvious that it is funny.

Teleconference Snark Shark

I am listening in on a teleconference and watching a Powder Point [SIC] presentation.

As I hear dumb things from the sales person I’m going to share them, but instead of being negative, I’m going to try to turn things into a positive twist.

Salesman: “Looks how easy it is to submit issues.”

When I tell Jessica to submit, it causes issues. However, I like how software can be made to submit.
I just saw a PowerPoint slide with a fake person named Joe.  Joe needs to shave, but beyond that I’m sure that his underlings are happy to be working for a guy ten years their junior.  Happiness is a core point in all of the power point pictures.  Happy to use the software, happy to have bugs reported.  Happy.

Wow, this presentation is over and it was short on dumb statements.  Though apparently most of the staff at the headquarters quietly left the meeting since they didn’t have any interest in what was being said 😛

Poll Skewer

Yesterday I had a man with a clipboard gingerly ask me if I would be willing to take a survey.  He identified himself as being with a group for equality something or other.  The survey was about how people felt about homosexuality.  Except they didn’t really want to know how I felt, they wanted yes or no answers.  They asked loaded questions that begged other questions they didn’t ask and they in the end handed out a 2 page pamphlet about discrimination.

I answered some of the questions one way and others another, not because I was trying to skew the poll, but because I knew that they were trying to polarize folks with the questions and I wasn’t going to buy into their game.  About half way through the, “Survey [that] won’t take less than a minute of [my] time,” the guy dropped the F-bomb.  So, since he felt free to be working and talking to the public and swearing I felt free to tell him that I had taught a Sunday School class on what the Bible says about homosexuality.  He then quickly finished the survey and took off 🙂  Why do they want skewed numbers for a serious poll… unless this isn’t a serious poll.

Psychological Warfare

My buddy Mike was just talking to me and as we talked he kept rubbing his nose.  Nothing makes me more paranoid about having a booger hanging out of my nasal cavity like someone touching their nose.  It makes me think, “Shoot, I have something that probably looks like Jabba the Hut hanging from my beak.”  Which may be the truth, but then also touching my nose may reveal that I really do have a large something-or-other hanging from it thus actually finding out that I was socially goofy in a way more outward than just my behavior.  It is like I’m 14 or something 🙂

From the Headlines: Bush and Hu Agree Iran Shouldn’t Have Nukes

In what has to be one of the more ‘obvious’ types of statements: most world leaders think that they should be leading. Now, I’ll admit that a bunch of weapons of mass distruction in anyone’s hands is a potentially bad thing, but the Iranians need to just stick to persecuting Christians, selling oil to nations they hate for “un-Allah-ly” [get it?] amounts of money and making statements that only Pat Robertson and Jerry Fallwell could beat.

And the U.S. and China should go about with their lovely trading strategy of the U.S. hating China’s communism, but dirt cheap prices, and the Chinese should love selling trash to the U.S. using raw materials they imported from us with complete distrust. It will be beautiful – there will be world harmony if we all go about despising one another and building better weapons than the other guys. Yeah, its like a luke-warm war instead of a cold war.

Breath and Taxes

There are two things that are certain in my life:

  1. If I eat anything Jessica will ask me what on earth I ate
  2. Death and Taxes
  3. I am horrible at math [and sometimes spelling]

This last weekend I finished up our taxes and mailed them off. And purchased a roll of stamps. I was careful to not put them in Jessica’s possession because in my mind she always loses them.

Ironically… I have no idea where that roll of stamps is. I could have just spent $37.00 on a roll of 100 stamps and used exactly $0.72 of it.

Update: Robin pointed out in the comments that stamps have gone up in price. They’re now 39 cent stamps. The United States Postal Service is not selling us stamps at discount prices no matter how cute our girls are.

Happy Resurrection Sunday Day!

Today is the day we commemorate the empty tomb. The tomb a rich man purchased for a Messiah who came to save a people who rejected Him because he wasn’t wearing Armani, healed people on the Sabbath and rejected their extension of the law to a point where love was not practiced and faith was rejected for bloodline. He fed many, he healed many, he corrected many and loved the children. He wasn’t a politician, He wouldn’t go along with the system. In many ways Christ was the rebel that people would have rejected on the onset because the culture had departed from the pattern God had set. His rightouesness was obvious, but infuriating, His words true yet hard for folks to understand because they had long rejected what God had spoken for newer ideas. To quote Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens), “God created man in His image. Man returned the favor.”

In the end the empty tomb is not our focus – the resurrected Son of God is our focus, and He’s seated at the right hand of God now… and those who believe? They are hidden in Him:
Colossians 3:3
For you are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.

Frogger: Senior Edition

Do you remember the arcade game Grogger from back in the days of 0 bit graphics? OK, so maybe frogger was 8 bit graphics, but it was an early game. The object, for those of you who read this blog but are too young to recall, is to get a frog to jump across multiple lanes of traffic without getting hit. You could move the frog several directions if I recall correctly, but in the end, it wasn’t an amazing game by today’s standards. You can read more about it at Wikipedia.

Well, last week Jessica and I were driving down a busy road here in Aurora (Iliff on Google Maps) and we saw a man in a motorized wheel chair trying to cross the street. I commented that he would be best off getting to a cross walk and waiting for a light to allow him to cross safely. About a quarter mile later we saw a man who had narrowly crossed the same street with a walker! It was like Senior Frogger championships or something only the drivers of the cars did not know. When I get old enough to need assistance to be mobile, and I hope my girls read this and show it to me if I resist, please require me to be safe by going to intersections designed for pedestrians.

Oh, and if you happen to see old people doing dangerous things, try to get some footage of it, because I can totally see this as a reality TV show.

From the News: Used Up Italian Porn Star Tries to Compete with Heavenly Virgins

When reality is this twisted, it must be blogged. An Italian Porn star offers herself to Bin Laden if he’ll stop the terrorism. First she’s not the young spry thing that she once was, so when you see her picture it won’t remind you of the photoshopped/airbrushed pictures of most every other person on the cover of any magazine (not just the naughty ones) – so the physical allure of her offer is definitely lacking. Secondly if Bin Laden gets killed in action as a martyr he’ll get free virgins in heaven according to Islam.

Apparently this gal doesn’t know her world religions very well.

How Often Does This Happen To You?

This morning Jessica showed me two pictures of different hair cuts. She was about to leave for her hair appointment so she wanted to have my backing on her choice to get a mohawk. OK, the pictures weren’t of mohawks. But they were of girls who had the exact same hair cut to me. They could have been twins, I swear. But they weren’t. In her detail oriented eyes they were different cuts with similar styling. To me in my hairblind eyes they were both blonde, both looked like they’d been airbrushed/photoshopped to death and were under studio lighting. Their hair? I didn’t care about that part of the picture because I was distracted by everything else.

Sometimes being a man is completely insane because I just can’t think clearly about what Jessica is presenting me. I think I’m going to use my digital camera for good [instead of evil?] next time and we’ll scan in the photos of the styles she likes and then shoot some pictures of her head in the same angle and then I’ll morph the pictures together so that we can pretend what Jessica would look like with her hair done by professional hairdressers every morning instead of by herself while Abby and Evie vie for attention 🙂