We watched “The Last Samurai” last night. We started it at around 9:30 and went to bed shortly after 12:00. A long, but pretty good movie. It was not too much about fighting. It was a movie that actually, and I’m not making this up, tried to have a plot line. And not only a plot line it skimmed the surface of morality. What I found to be interesting was that Tom Cruise was invincible. They didn’t come out and say it, but it was heavily implied. Every other Samurai dies and a white guy who has been shot enough times to make Swiss cheese look like it doesn’t have that many holes in it lives on and is pretty darn mobile. Enough of the mockery.

I would recommend this movie to people who liked Cast Away because in many ways Tom Cruise is like Tom Hanks. They both have longer facial hair after a while, they both stink after a while, and they both talk to volleyballs. Wait, no, they don’t both talk to volleyballs. They do both have hallucinations though. Both have minor surgical procedures performed without anesthesia and both wear Nike or Nikkei [Somebody stop me before I get hurt]. However, they both are stranded only Tom Cruise is stranded all alone in a village full of people. Almost no-one speaks English, which works to Tommy’s advantage because it gives him an opportunity to learn Japanese.

There is a slight love interest in the story as Tom falls for the wife of (one of) the Samurai he kills, and becomes a father-figure to her two sons. He also has a slightly odd scene with this actress where she undresses him (fortunately you only get to see his chest) and then dresses him in her husbands old Halloween costume [Samurai outfit]. Somewhere towards the middle of it all he kisses her and she starts to cry. That’s it. The story of their love ends there… every movie with fighting and warriors should have that much romance. Vin Diesel needs to take a cue on this as in his movies he makes out with volleyballs for hours.

There is a great cameo by Billy Connolly, who plays a High School teacher in an older TV show. Ooops, he plays a soldier who is arrogant, and like all arrogant soldiers he dies from samurai weapons. Look at the volleyball in Cast Away – another ruthless example of death by samurai weapons.

The emperor of Japan is played by a woman who has had facial hair glued onto her face and who speaks Engrish fluently.

All in all, you should see this movie because, even though I’ve completely made fun of it here, it is good. I would give it a 8 out of ten stars, or if it was a ‘five flea’ rating scale 4.5 fleas (I’d rip the flea’s wings off for the half flea difference).