Below is a quote of the first paragraph, which is all I’m going to critique.

My fellow Americans, this is the most important election of our lifetime. The stakes are high. We are a nation at war — a global war on terror against an enemy unlike any we have ever known before. And here at home, wages are falling, health care costs are rising, and our great middle class is shrinking. People are working weekends; they’re working two jobs, three jobs, and they’re still not getting ahead.

I will attempt to debunk this paragraph as no other has debunked before. I will debunk faster than a soldier ordered out of his bunk. This will also be a thorough bebunking so prepare for a little depth.

First Word: My
Oh, like this one hasn’t been used before. My two year old daughter knows how to use the word “my.” I don’t think we want a president who’s greedy and says my or mine all the time. You will also note that M is the 13^th letter and Y is the 25^th . These two letters add up to 38 which is clearly a reference to the 38^th president, Jimmy Carter. And we all know that Jimmy Carter represents the 70’s and disco funk.

Fellow Americans, this is the most important election of our lifetime.
By using the term fellow, which can be defined as ‘a boyfriend‘, Kerry is reaching out to gay constituents. By using the term ‘Americans’ he is referring to big fat stupid white men who watch too much football.

I can’t finish this critique. It’s too much. I feel like I’m having a reaction to High Fructose Corn Syrup due to the sugary sweetness of the rest of the paragraph. Fortunately there’s tomorrow where I might continue on in careful evaluation of this ‘speech.’

Vote for Brian White in 2004.