Yesterday as I was paying at the pump (and by paying at the pump I mean paying a lot of money for gas at the pump – why are these prices back?) a vagrant stopped by my pump and waited until I was finished pumping the gas to ask for money that would be freely given. It would be a better return on my money than the gas in a certain respect, but I’ll leave that alone for now and outline the conversation.

Panhandle Pete: “Hey, man, can you spare any change?”
Cheap Peterman: “No, I paid with a credit card and I don’t carry cash.” [which was in no way a lie, but possibly too much information]
Panhandle Pete: “Can you spare some goatee?” [flashing his toothless grin]

If I had given him some money I would have snatched it back at that moment. What?! Am I a proteinous follicle monster?

Update: This afternoon I put a tiny amount of gel into my beard to help straighten it out because it was getting messy. I think I may have a problem.