Note: This is just satire. Jessica asked me if I was insinuating that she was part of the dumbed down masses. I told her that it was satire to which she promptly told me that I could satire my way through three loads of laundry, washing the dishes and licking the toilette bowls clean. Very funny indeed. OK, she didn’t really say that to me. Which is fine because this is satire, its intended to be rediculous, and completely false. That’s what makes it funny [well, that and it would help if it was actually funny].

I don’t know about you, but I feel like the networks have exploited the reality television genre enough now that I’m ready for something more fake. Take for example the ‘Next Top Model’ idea. It is a copy of American Idol. Which is a copy of Star Search, which is a copy of the Ed Sullivan show which was a copy of the Magna Charta. And as all American and British historians know is a copy of the original Da Vinci Decoder ring rumored to be in circulation among a secret society of cracker jacks connoisseurs.

The problem is that the shows are not as real as real life which means they’re edited down and pieced together to be interesting to the dumbed down masses people who find them interesting. The problem is that reality is much more boring for most of us. But I’ve got an idea that will change all of this. Everyone needs to spice up their lives by doing something interesting and intense every day. That way it will force the networks to cut back on reality shows and hire people to write good television documentaries. I think that’s the direction television will go… if it starts moving backwards. Actually the new hit show will be much longer than most shows because it will be made for television movies – except they’ll be worth watching. And there won’t be any cliff hanger endings, you’ll feel good about how all of the loose ends are no longer loose and instead, much like Pamela Anderson, they’re wholesome and make you feel good about yourself, your body, your peers and world peace. Wait. No. That’s not right.