A special message from Abigail:

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Abigail (Abby) is one cute toddler, she’s a real treat, except for when
she’s grumpy, or wakes up at some odd hour of the night. Her mom and dad
love her so much. To her credit her birth more than tripled the number
of hits this site gets a month.

Abby is walking all over the place and running too.
She is able to say Cat, Shoes, Daddy, Mommy and Apple Juice.
She also can make the sound of a sheep (ba) and a lion (raaaaaaaahhhhhh).
What a gal, we love her a lot!

Born March 30th, 1978, Jessica Marie Peer was a military brat and so she
moved all over the US, even to Hawaii (where she had a lucrative side-job
tracking sand everywhere). Bored with the life as a young child she
turned 15 or 16 at the age of 5. A more mature gal than her peers (no
name puns please) she fell in love with Jon Bon Jovi. That relationship
didn’t last since legally, she was jail bate.

Throughout school Jessica was a straight A student, she made her life
complete by being an over achiever. In High School she took all of the
classes that the Carson High School offered in the Math department by the
end of her Junior year. Because Carson High was so stinky she Home
schooled her senior year. This was beneficial for her as it gave her an
opportunity to work full time at a day care, and finish her classes ahead
of the other seniors that she new. Being a senior also got her great
discounts at Denny’s and other fine dining establishments (get it? Senior
discount? Sorry.[RP])

In her Sophomore year she met Randy Peterman at a youth group meeting for
the Grace Evangelical Free Church. They immediately thought poorly of one
another and didn’t see one another again until their Junior year, which
gave them both some time get ‘cooler’. Randy was dating a Senior at the
time (Cindy Falconer), which didn’t bother Jessica who was eager to get
together with the bass player in the band Randy was in (Jeremy Telling).
Jessica and her best friend Glory ‘Bucky’ Bucknell both liked Jeremy and
considered the rest of the band members necessary evil.

To make a long story short Jessica and Randy got married, they moved to
Texas where they went to school at Tyndale Theological Seminary. They
later had a baby and they’re living happily ever after (Theoretically, I
mean no one is happy all the time, come on).

Randy Peterman is writing this, he is writing about himself in third person.
That’s ridiculous – why do I need to write about myself in the third person?
OK, well, I’m going to tell you about myself.
Please don’t hesitate to write me to ask other pertinent questions about me.
Limit those questions to things that are NOT perverse or socially questionable.

That being said…

I was born to two parents, a male and female.
They go by Vern and Nancy Peterman and they also have two other progeny, Eddie and Rebecca.
Because Eddie and Rebecca are like me they don’t go by their full names, they go by Ed and Becky respectively.
Sometimes Ed goes by ‘Dude’ and sometimes Becky goes by ‘My’.
Sometimes Ed goes by in a VW, sometimes My goes by in a Honda.
Time goes by rather quickly unless you’re in the Doctor’s waiting room.

[Switching to free flow poetry]

Ed,
  My
	and I
  grew up mostly in California and Nevada.
    We had
     times on the road that took us
  to other
    states.
We have grandparents
  they have many   many   kids that are
	 grand
	

[Switching to Dr. Suess mode]

	Ed, My and I
	Bye, we said good-bye
	To our mom and pop
	Out of the nest we'd hop
	

	Randy Married Jessica
	Got married in October-a
	Squiggle, wiggle, piggle, slid
	Moved to Texas Yes we did
	

[Switching to Yoda mode]

		Married Shari did Eddie, Yes.
		Have a son Brennan they do.
		Live in Carson City, yes, they must.
	

[Switching to Haiku Mode]

Becky to Denver
Lives with My Parents There Now
Making a new home
	

I’m blessed to have a beautiful, godly wife, a precious, cute daughter, and an amazing extended family (some of which have the ‘shock and awe’ effect :D).

Rating*

Must See:

0.1

Plot:

0.01

Acting:

0.2

Dialog:

0.1

Production:

0.25

Effects:

0.2

You need to see this movie.
No really, you have to see this movie.
In fact if you do see this movie it will fulfill all your desires.

It will fulfill all of your desires if you desire the following:

• No plot
• Senseless killing
• Rather bad acting
• Stupid spy names
• To waste time
• Seeing an actress with tallent (Lucy Liu) get cast for a movie that she was way better than
• Synchronized car dancing (two cars spiraling in opposite directions over another car)
• Beluga whales as a background for a ‘romantic reunion’
• Swat teams, specially trained specialists mind you, get totally whipped and killed by a single woman (Liu again)
• Antonio Banderas fly like Peter Pan and then mash into the grown, and not get severly injured
• Antonio Banderas get crushed completely by steel pipes from one angle and yet be able to spin around and shoot someone when the camera changes angles
• Antonio Banderas pick police handcuffs with a paperclip
• Antonio Banderas blow large train cars up and cause HUGE billowing fire that would cause disgusting amounts of heat and walk away unscathed
• ‘Trained spies’ or agents run through a train yard like their training consisted of mimicking lab rats running through a maze
• Funding Hollywood pyrotechnics specialists’ kids’ college
• Living in your parents basement until you’re 35 and then, moving in with your friend and starting a worm farm

OK, you really should avoid it.

-Randy

Footnotes

* Ratings are from 0 to 1, this is a fractional scale. Odds are You won’t see me ever give a ’1.0′ on any occasion, however, it could happen.

This is the best burger I’ve ever had turn out consistently
fabulous. Having eaten a whole lotta burgers in my life and living in
Texas, where barbecuing is big, I’ve gotta say, this is one powerful
piece of meat.

Ingredients

Burgers

• 1 tsp chipotle chili powder
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt (substitute with sea salt, or I guess you could use
  table salt, it will change the taste)
• 1 pound ground round (hamburger – I like the 15% fat, Jess thinks its
  too fatty)
• 1 can Cooking Spray (No, you’re not going to use the whole
  thing)
• (optional) 4 Kaiser rolls (Don’t use regular buns, this is a ‘fancy’
  burger, why spoil it with the taste of Burger K**g)
• 1^3/4 cups Tequila-spiked Salsa

Tequila-Spiked Salsa

• 2 cups chopped seeded tomato (or tomatoe if you’re Dan Quayle :) )
• 1 cup chopped onion
• 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 1/3 cup chopped peeled avocado (do you ever eat avocado skin?)
• 2 tbsp fresh lime juice (substitute old rotten juice if necessary)
• 2 tsps Tequila (actually I’ve never had this with tequila, if you leave
  it out, the burgers will still rock)
• 1/2 tsp kosher salt
• 2 garlic cloves minced (but don’t mince your fingers, this isn’t minced
  meat burgers)

Preparation & Cooking

Burgers

1. Prepare grill
2. Combine chili powder, salt, and beef. Divide the mixture into four
   equal portions, chaping each portion into a 1/2″ thick patty.
3. Place patties onto the grill rack coated with cooking spray – then keep
   an eye on them flipping them when needed.
4. Grill/toast rolls if you have them, but don’t burn them please
5. Once all the burgers and rolls are ‘perfect’ add the Tequila-Spiked
   salsa to the tops of the burgers (after they’re on the rolls) and eat
   them while they’re hot.
6. Join Guadalaja Burgers Annonymous, cause these bad-boys are addictive.

Salsa

Um, mix all the ingredients together in no particular order.

NOTE:

If you’re feeling prepared try making the salsa one day in advance, this
will let the flavors of the salsa mix and make for a VERY tasty treat
when you eat the burgers. But don’t let the salsa sit for too long in the
fridge (4-5 days is too long, usually) because the avocado is pretty sensitive to time.