Too Much Information About My Organs

As an organ donor I’m considering writing a letter to any recipients of organs I may donate at some point in time. It would go something like:

To whomever gets my giblets,
I’m sorry that you have been picked to receive these innards. They have not served me as well as I hoped and sometimes I get weird digestive issues. If you got my heart, you’re in luck! I’ve been using it without issue (so far – unless I died of a heart attack). If you got my lungs, Sweet! I love my lungs. I’ve never smoked and I’ve limited my second hand smoke to a minimum. If you got my pancreas… well, at least you get one.

I’d suggest that if you got any part of my digestive tract, though, that you ask for an immediate refund. This system is only a B- grade system at best. It has weird allergies, it generates enough gas to contribute to the ozone hole, and it also has characteristics VERY similar to a bottomless pit.  If you do keep it, stay far, far away from jalapeno’s.  Trust me.

Yours truly,
The previous owner