Mens Dress Shoes

To continue on my series of ‘Randy pretends he has fashion sense’ type posts tonight I went to buy black mens dress shoes.  Who designs these things?  I swear to you that almost every shoes less than $100.00 they soles are made from recycled iron maidens.  That is to say they’re incredibly uncomfortable.  Considering I don’t wear them very often I can’t justify that sort of expenditure.  Worse, the designs were very weird to me.  I guess I didn’t expect to be as opinionated as I was, but some of the shoes literally looked like the bill of Scrooge McDuck from the Disney Ducktails cartoon.  Done in black of course (or brown).  Then there were some shoes that looked like they’d been cleaved in half by a random hatchet murdered, but then carefully and professionally stitched up so as to fake you out into thinking they were supposed to look like that.

To Jessica’s credit she has somewhere between 10 and 20 black shoes.  I don’t think that 7 of them look any different to the other shoes, but she identifies small nuances that make the shoes unique.  Tonight I learned about nuance.  With multiple manufacturers making the same shoe styles I was able to pick out small curves that were cut differently, different lace types, and of course various types of ‘cushion’ inside of the shoes.  I prefer shoes that feel like my Vans: soft, cushiony, and sporty.  That way when some thug asks me to play a pick-up game while I’m dressed up I can easily get schooled in my comfortable shoes and sweat out a perfectly nice shirt and pants.

I guess I just expect to get schooled in style and comfort instead of looking like I killed a cartoon duck and then tried to implement the Spanish inquisition on myself.

One thought on “Mens Dress Shoes”

  1. Yeah, see? Take what you went through, and multiply it by 50 (at least), and that’s what it’s like to go shoe-shopping for a girl. Kind of a nightmare, but oh-so-thrilling when you FINALLY find the right pair.

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