Nope! Not gonna happen.
I keep seeing or reading quotes and articles about saying yes to more things for experience and saying no to more things for time management. This balance is crazy hard because you can’t say yes to everything and not become overwhelmed, but you can’t say no to everything or else life gets very boring 🙂
There’s actually something powerful about combining the two so that you say yes to only the experiences and opportunities that will truly add value. Then you’ll know when. To say yes and know when to say no. It’s a longer term perspective thing.
I’m Mr. TMI (too much information). It’s my defense mechanism. You see shame loses its power when you speak about something that might be embarrassing. The cat’s out of the bag. I’ve never been very popular and often growing up in public school I was ridiculed for various things: my faith, my hobbies, my idiosyncrasies, my love of music (I wasn’t a jock). So I over shared and over – informed so that I could reduce the fact that someone else would shine light on my ‘weirdness.’ I’ll just put it out there in the open.
All that to say when my friend Dave O’Hara told me about the book Daring Greatly the topic resonated with me. Vulnerability is a powerful tool for intimacy between people, but shame keeps us from committing to true vulberability. It turns out people use one of (at least) two techniques to handle the shame issue, both of which may hinder intimacy through vulnerability. One way is to over shared (like me), the other way is to strive for perfection. Perfection has no shame – except that no one is truly perfect and no one is going to escape from the shame of their eventual imperfection.
I’m learning a lot about vulnerability and shame as I read the book, but I’m finding that I am guessing the next chapter or point because the implications of these topics in the research is very, very real to me.
I want to be vulnerable and intimate with others, but I need to do that in a healthy way. I want to put shame away in my relationships. I want to rise up to the challenge of healthy intimacy. It’s a great place to be at nearly 38. I haven’t been here before.
Where are you growing?
The scriptures are hard because of the and. Be gracious and forgiving and kind and loving. And righteous. The polarization within Christendom is often due to the and where readers have blindly sought the or.
I died to the Law because I was identified with Christ. Grace is my motivator (grace is not merely the forgiveness of sins, it is blessing beyond that), but the life of Christ is to be lived out in me. But that life is done through rest and relationship, not through rigidity or legalism.
The standard for love and righteousness come from the same God. This means that instead of my getting to “or”, I get to “and.” This is a powerful truth that demands I step aside with my attitude and self importance and I get to be a model of submissive grace, serving righteousness, and compassionate listening.
Go learn something new somewhere new and have a new treat.
I haven’t been on facebook at all this last week and it’s been liberating.
This habit is likely to continue.
Mega-church naming suggestion: avoid naming your organization things that don’t imply most small towns outside of the city are smaller than your weekly attendance. Calling your behemoth congregation, “The Village,” Or “Hillside Family Fellowship,” when you can seat a basketball arena’s worth of attendees is misleading. When the likelihood your attendees will run into a familiar face increases with the number of, “where are you sitting?” texts they send you need to help people understand how vanilla things are giing to be. Go with something like “church of the 80-20 rule.” Or “Jesus loves our headcount fellowship.” If that doesn’t work try something more medium sized like, “church of the wholly ambiguous,” or, “The Catholic Church.” [JUST KIDDING THE CATHOLICS ARE HUGE]. Also consider going with J.P. Morgan/Chase/Church.
When I was a kid I went through a bbq sauce phase. I would eat anything with bbq sauce on it. Then I moved to Texas as an adult and could not fathom why someone would ruin their Texas bbq with slathered sauce coating the delicious bbq. Apparently I’ve grown up somewhat. However, in Texas is a place called freebirds, and they have bbq sauce in their burritos and it is amazing. It’s a funny thing, but I dig it.
I realized in a bout of insomnia that I have a bucket list problem. I live with some wierd internal regrets that are not useful in function or legitimate in source. I really wanted to grow up to be a rock star musician when I was a teenager. It was on my bucket list that I record an album and every year I tell myself, “This will be the year.” And then it isn’t.
I have two months left until I’m 37, and I no longer want to be famous, I just want to leave something behind. And with that in mind my bucket list is dumped out. I will try to record some music, I’ve recorded some already, but really I need to do what’s important to get to the next phase of maturing. And that doesn’t need regrets or an album. Besides, who buys albums any more?
Behold the waffle song, a song I recorded despite not wanting to put it on an album.
I have coded with some difficulty lately. I’ve been wrestling with the code. But it isn’t because the code is hard, it is because it must be good. It must be better thought out. It must be the best I can produce.
This has lead to less code over all, but that code has been cleaner, easier to read, and makes my life much easier because of those things. It’s part of my attempt to continue to be a craftsman.
1) write the tests to break my code
2) write my code until it works
3) write that code cleaner and better
This isn’t revolutionary by any stretch, but I’ve been disciplined about it, and that’s been key. Discipline is revolutionary.