Some friends are moving to Cal-e-fornia from Tejas. I don’t know why, but apparently they want to move from where it is hot and humid to where it is hotter and humidor. That being said, I wrote a very quick ditty to celebrate this wonderful opportunity. You may listen to it below:
Disclosure: I was born in California, this song is, like almost all of my work, tongue-in-cheek.
Jessica and I were having a very brief discussion about a new movie that is out and I said that the male lead was described as a stud by someone who saw the movie. The 9yo walked by and said, “A stud is a piece of a lego.”
Yes, yes it is.
Time for a euphemism lesson? I think not.
This morning on the way to school Jessica asked the girls what we should do while some friends come into town this summer. Abby replied, “Let’s go to the art museum!”
Jessica suggested that not everyone might enjoy the art museum because not everyone is like us in the things they enjoy.
Abby: “yeah, we’re a nerd family.”
Evie asked, “We’re nerds?”
Abby: “Yeah, and it’s cool!”
I’m such a proud dad 
The Matrix has no right to be 13 years old. It stands up so incredibly well. Amazing film. Shame they never made any sequels. — Shea Bennett on Twitter
I put the following on our door yesterday after our candy bowel [SIC and SICK] was emptied by greedy children:
All the children
Took all of our candy
& made us cry all of our tears.
Sorry.
Sometimes you have to remember that there is an order of operations. You go into the doctor’s office and you have to order the operation ahead of time, otherwise they don’t give you one.
When what you read is:
Debt increase by presidents: Reagan 186%, Bush 54% Clinton 41% Bush II 72% Obama 23%. /source CBO [from Twitter].
Does your brain translate it to this:
It turns out those percentages don’t add up to the actual national debt value, so the numbers seem wrong. But when someone shows you percentages get out your spread sheet or calculator to make sure that you’re not being had. If you say that Obama has had less spent during his presidency or that Clinton was a spendthrift or any number of other things based on percentages you’re probably doing it wrong. And yes, this is showing billions and trillions [the formatting isn't quite right in the copy/paste].
Due to the compounding values of those debt numbers this massive expenditure of “only” 23% is rather ‘off’. Additionally Obama’s presidency is not over, so calling this one is a bit premature.
I say we call them all out for being fools with the financial resources. Additionally: congress(es) is (are) also responsible for this.
I asked Jessica, “What is this bread doing soaking in the blue bowl?”
She replied, “It’s benadryl, for the dog, so that she can stay calm after her surgery.”
“OK,” I said, satisfied by that answer.
“Don’t eat it,” she added to help me grasp the seriousness of the situation. She knows I have a special place in my heart for benadryl soaked bread. 
There are things I don’t tell my children. I tell them to other people’s children, but not my own. At first you’re probably thinking of either something slightly evil or disciplinary. You’d be mistaken. What I don’t tell my own kids about are stunts I did as a kid. The reason? They’ll want to do it, too. If your child does it, I’m not responsible for their actions, you are. If I tell my children they will do it, possibly injure themselves and then I’ll be responsible for fixing my children.
It gets worse.
The problem with too-ness is that once they master the stunt then there’s something more impressive that needs to be figured out. If jumping your bike over or off of a large item is cool, why not jump on or over a car? If climbing in a door jamb is fun, why not also climb up a very dangerous elevator shaft? Children are creative, often more than adults, when it comes to doing more dangerous things. I take precaution in what I tell my children so that they will be safe, too, and probably more safe.
Take it from me: when your wife/husband/significant other/insignificant other asks, “Am I too fat for this outfit?” The incorrect answer is always, “No, you’re just the right amount of fat for that outfit.”